wanting more Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 so much has gone on it seems.* * On the way to counseling last night, xMM BW called my BSO.* they talked for almost an hour,* she didn't know I was there and I couldn't hear her, only the responses from my BSO * I had sent BW an email after 2nd d-day with specific details of some past times xMM and I were together and some personal info (not about her or bad things, just details of things going on in their kids and grandkids lives)* * xMM had convinced her that my details were the ONLY times we'd had sex.* no other times.* I stalked him,* I started this entire A,* I threatened to out him to her if he didn't continue the A with me or have sex with me.* She also thought the A had ended after the 1st d-day (except for the one time I conned him into telling me where* he was traveling,* flew myself out there,* got into his hotel room (BIG city in Fl) and was waiting for him when he came in from work and tricked him into having sex that one time since d-day * Some of the things she was saying last night were completly unbelieveable.* I now realize she really wants to believe him.* my BSO told her a couple things he knew,* contradicted a few things she was saying about me. Even my BSO was defending me with some of the outrageous*lies xMM said. * after counseling BSO sent xMM BW a text just saying that he knows xMM is lying to her still, to this day.* He (my BSO) has gotten involved with her (BW) more than what he should have, he just felt that he needed to know she knew about the A,* she has to deal with her M, but know that xMM is lying to her.* he wished her well and said there would be no more text between them. He told her he hopes things work out whichever way she wants them to, but she deserves to know the truth, and he (xMM) is the one who needs to tell her * * How do I feel?? * I feel horrible and guilt and so much regret for getting involved with xMM,* for the hurt I've caused my SO and his BW * I feel very ignorant for thinking that this A was so special.* * I feel hurt because I thought I really loved this man,* I thought he loved me. * I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders because I've answered any and all questions asked about the A and answered HONESTLY * I feel embarrassed that I let myself get this deeply involved with someone I had no right to get involved with * I feel confused as to how I let myself believe his words,* how I let myself build him up to be this great man, when I*now realize from his actions he is NOTHING that I thought.* * I feel sorry for his BW,* because I know as I'm hurt and confused she is 100times worse because I only had 3 years of his lies and when it ended,* it ended.* she's had 33 years of being with a man that I know at this point she's got to be wondering who he really is, and I know she is still doubting anything he says to her. * * What did I learn from my A?? * I was very selfish.* I* told so many lies.* I did and accepted things I shouldn't have.* I hurt innocent people. I WILL NEVER GET INVOLVED WITH ANYONE WHO IS INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE ELSE * 2
Spark1111 Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 WM, you empathy is deserves applause. So does your courage and the wisdom you have gained is such a short time. I hope it all works out for the best for you. Your anger is where it belongs: Square on the shoulders of the MM who lied and gaslighted two women for his own selfish gain. He's still lying about you to save his own azz, and you maturely realized how crazy-making that is to his wife. The truth will set you free! After it breaks your heart. 6
frozensprouts Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 things will get better for you, but , unfortunately, it's going to take time... until that happens, be proud of the person you have shown yourself to be. You sound like you are acting with a lot of dignity and class... 3
Pierre Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 so much has gone on it seems.* * On the way to counseling last night, xMM BW called my BSO.* they talked for almost an hour,* she didn't know I was there and I couldn't hear her, only the responses from my BSO * I had sent BW an email after 2nd d-day with specific details of some past times xMM and I were together and some personal info (not about her or bad things, just details of things going on in their kids and grandkids lives)* * xMM had convinced her that my details were the ONLY times we'd had sex.* no other times.* I stalked him,* I started this entire A,* I threatened to out him to her if he didn't continue the A with me or have sex with me.* She also thought the A had ended after the 1st d-day (except for the one time I conned him into telling me where* he was traveling,* flew myself out there,* got into his hotel room (BIG city in Fl) and was waiting for him when he came in from work and tricked him into having sex that one time since d-day * Some of the things she was saying last night were completly unbelieveable.* I now realize she really wants to believe him.* my BSO told her a couple things he knew,* contradicted a few things she was saying about me. Even my BSO was defending me with some of the outrageous*lies xMM said. * after counseling BSO sent xMM BW a text just saying that he knows xMM is lying to her still, to this day.* He (my BSO) has gotten involved with her (BW) more than what he should have, he just felt that he needed to know she knew about the A,* she has to deal with her M, but know that xMM is lying to her.* he wished her well and said there would be no more text between them. He told her he hopes things work out whichever way she wants them to, but she deserves to know the truth, and he (xMM) is the one who needs to tell her * * How do I feel?? * I feel horrible and guilt and so much regret for getting involved with xMM,* for the hurt I've caused my SO and his BW * I feel very ignorant for thinking that this A was so special.* * I feel hurt because I thought I really loved this man,* I thought he loved me. * I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders because I've answered any and all questions asked about the A and answered HONESTLY * I feel embarrassed that I let myself get this deeply involved with someone I had no right to get involved with * I feel confused as to how I let myself believe his words,* how I let myself build him up to be this great man, when I*now realize from his actions he is NOTHING that I thought.* * I feel sorry for his BW,* because I know as I'm hurt and confused she is 100times worse because I only had 3 years of his lies and when it ended,* it ended.* she's had 33 years of being with a man that I know at this point she's got to be wondering who he really is, and I know she is still doubting anything he says to her. * * What did I learn from my A?? * I was very selfish.* I* told so many lies.* I did and accepted things I shouldn't have.* I hurt innocent people. I WILL NEVER GET INVOLVED WITH ANYONE WHO IS INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE ELSE * As I said before. Anyone can have an affair, we are human. Your post above is admirable and tells me you are a high quality woman. YOu show genuine remorse and I can see you are an amazing woman. God Bless! 5
BetrayedH Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 Great post, WM. I know there are a lot of negatives in there but I noticed one glaring positive. Your honesty has lifted a weight off your shoulders. Just imagine yourself still living that double-life. My hope is that xMM and his wife are out of your life for good now. You (and even your BSO) have done your best to give her the truth. And while it may not seem like it now, my bet is that your honesty is going to have bought you that civil relationship with your BSO that is sorely needed for the children. Coming clean with the BW, coming clean with your BSO, and doing this FC may not create a great relationship with him but I bet it will make the relationship manageable. Everyone makes mistakes; the trick is to learn from them. Most people just go deeper into the rabbit hole or they run. You are staying right there in the hot seat and doing what you can to right your wrongs. Keep doing the right thing and in time, that will be what defines you, not your mistakes. 3
Author wanting more Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 Thank you everyone for your comments. This is one of the toughest things I've ever gone thru. Me hurting, me causes so much hurt.
2sure Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 I'm sorry you are going through this. For your marriage to move forward your husband needs to forgive you. But at some point one way or the other, you have to forgive yourself because you have to move forward too. And I'm going to get grief for saying this but....if you don't find a healthy way to forgive yourself , no one else will either. Just something I've come to think. 1
Author wanting more Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 I'm sorry you are going through this. For your marriage to move forward your husband needs to forgive you. But at some point one way or the other, you have to forgive yourself because you have to move forward too. And I'm going to get grief for saying this but....if you don't find a healthy way to forgive yourself , no one else will either. Just something I've come to think. Forgiving myself is one of those things that's "easier said than done" but I'm working on it. Tough thing knowing you've hurt people (whom if I had really thought about I wouldn't have done what I did) so I'm dealing with lots of guilt for that. And of course working thru my own stupidity for getting as deep and believing I loved a man who I now know pretty much just wanted a "piece of as*"
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