Peppergale Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 I met this guy at a bar and we immediately hit it off. We get along famously! We talked about everything. Next time we hung out, we only went running and he stayed at my place and we talked all night long. He made zero moves on me. A week later, we went running again and he made zero moves on me this time as well. He would just come over and we would talk and hang out. He seemed to really care about what my friends and family thought of him. He wanted to genuinely know if I was over my ex and enjoyed talking about how all my girl friends were taken and had boyfriends. This last time we hung out, I suggested making out with so we did. But while we were making out, he made the reference that we should become f*** buddies. I was like “what!?” He progressed to say he really likes me and wants a relationship but he thinks I don’t want one. I told him I liked him and that I would like a relationship with him, and he told me we should take things slow because I got out of a 2 yr relationship 4 months ago. Then he said he would be willing to go exclusive with me, but doesn’t want to rush anything. He said he didn’t want to go too far sexually and make me uncomfortable. But still, out of the 3 girls he has slept with, he was only in a relationship with one of them for a month. I know he seems like he is just using me for sex, but he is quite a religious guy and has only slept with 3 girls. He has also asked me to hang out soberly with things in his life and asks to hang out during the day. Plus, he stopped making moves completely until I had to throw myself on him. He was going to leave and was happy with just hanging out. It’s like before we make out, he is super sweet and genuine, but when we make out he become a frat boy douche. Is his relationship offer sincere or is he saying anything to sleep with me? I don’t know what he is about!
pteromom Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 Maybe both. Maybe he is sincere in the offer, but deep down he knows he isn't capable of a long term relationship. I would NOT sleep with him until you actually figure out what he is about. Unless you want to risk heartbreak for some good sex, which sometimes, is worth the risk.
Author Peppergale Posted October 23, 2012 Author Posted October 23, 2012 Thanks! I really like your response. The only problem is I don't know what he is thinking! :/ I know he wants sex. But he seems like he really likes me. Maybe f*** buddies is the only thing he knows? Do you think it's bad if we don't text often either? Like every 2-4 days? It just seems that guys that wanted relationships with me in the past texted me ALL the time, and he doesn't do that. What do you think?
pteromom Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 Of course you don't know what he's thinking. How could you? Even if he TOLD you, you wouldn't know, because it would be possible that he was either a liar or incredibly self-unaware. The only way to get a handle on what someone is thinking is to get to know them, paying particular attention to their ACTIONS, not their words. As far as the texting, it isn't generally a good sign if a guy isn't very excited to talk to you every opportunity he has, but there could be other reasons - maybe he's not a huge texter, or maybe he is really busy. You never know. I think there are two ways you can go here. Take the risk and sleep with him, and see what happens, knowing there is a chance he will not want a relationship with you. Or hold off on sex until you get to know him better and have a pretty good idea what he is thinking.
InJest Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 Agree with Pteromom. Someone that suggests being **** buddies, probably isn't so keen on a relationship, no matter what reason he gives. Saying he thought you didn't want one is a pretty slick move on his part. If you're the type to get super attached after sex, then I say you should wait a bit, but move on if its not clear within a few weeks. Otherwise, you'll think, "he's stuck around this long, he must want something serious." Not a smart assumption, and I've waited girls out for months while sleeping with other girls, only to drop them out of spite for making me wait so long.
Author Peppergale Posted October 23, 2012 Author Posted October 23, 2012 Okay, I will definitely not have sex with him then. Which really sucks, because he is so attractive! Hopefully it will work out for the better. Thanks again!
Author Peppergale Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 So, I have an update. I texted him to go running, which he immediately replied yes to. We went running and he was again really nice. At one point, I even suggested having sex and he said no. Then when we were running, he started saying I was borderline anorexic (which I am not, I am thin and short though). That really insulted me and he kept at it! He was having fun insulting me that it turned into kind of like playing around/ flirting. Eventually, I started kicking him (playfully, of course) and he said we can't hang out anymore. Later in the run, he started bringing up strange relationship references. Like he gave me a piggy back ride then let me down, began running, and said "I just broke your heart." We ran into my best friends, and then he began saying how I should set him up with my friends or go downtown with them and he would set me up with some other guy. Then when he left, he was like "I am meeting too many people" because he met two of my friends. It was like he was looking to see my reaction to everything. It was like he was testing me. He was really nice during the run, but what he said was really mean. I don't understand. What does all this mean?
yongyong Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 I am sure he was just teasing with those mean words. I wouldn't spend my own time to hangout with someone I don't like to make fun of that person. Would I ask an ugly girl out and make fun of her no. why would I waste my time with an ugly girl especially in public? Anyways, as far as sex goes, do it when you want. he is not obligated to do anything just because you slept with him (a lof of women think this way, sadly)
Author Peppergale Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 Oh no, I haven't slept with him. We just hung out today, and he also talked about how we can't make out anymore. I'm sure this was a tease though. Does this mean he doesn't like me? Why do guys do this ****?! I'm thinking of it and it seems so insecure of him.
hinatticus Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 How old is this guy. To me it sounds like he's very inexperienced and has been reading useless material on how to impress chicks. It also sounds like he's self conscious and doesn't want to come across as inexperienced so he lays it on thick. Slept with 3 girls and only a 1 month "relationship"? I think he hasn't got a clue who he is, and has no idea how to get into a serious relationship.
Author Peppergale Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 He is 23, and when we hang out I get this strong feeling like he likes me, but then he says this stuff. Today he even asked me again about all the guy I am talking to, texting and such. Then he made plans that we should play tennis together sometime. When he was joking, he still wanted to hang out even though I make it clear we weren't going to even make out. He gave me a big hug and told me to have fun on my trip tomorrow.
hinatticus Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Do you get the feeling he's insecure and not really experienced with girls. Or do you get the vibe he's just a player wannabe? He also could be one of those weird people that say and do things without a rhyme or reason;)
mortensorchid Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 I really don't like that comment he made towards you about your being so thin / anorexic. He sounds like someone who will find fault with you even if you were 50 lbs heavier than you are. And the whole conversations you had previously sound odd. I'd move on if I were you.
Author Peppergale Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 I get both feelings. Like when he talks about whats going on in my life or about any boy competition, he seems very insecure. But when he talks about wanting to date my friends, it seems like he is trying to be a player. However, even when he was saying these things, he still seemed insecure about it all. He was trying to read me because he kept kind of pausing after each statement. I don't like the anorexic comment either. He further told me how his step sister is anorexic and how he really cares about her health. Also, he is a health nut who really watches what he eats, so I know he is very heath conscience.
hinatticus Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 He just sounds like a young confused dude. He probably cares about your weight but has a terrible way of showing it. It totally sounds like he's been reading material. Sounds like he's testing you and saying things he doesn't want to say(stuff about your friends). Do you think he's trying to hard? Like he's not acting like himself, not that you'd know what "himself" is. If I was a girl I'd probably stay away from him. He's young enough that after a few rejections he might see the error in his ways. Don't date a project is what I've heard.
Author Peppergale Posted November 1, 2012 Author Posted November 1, 2012 Last update: He just randomly texted me saying "I've been thinking about it, and I'm in a part of my life where I don't want to be seeing anyone." and how he hopes I understand and such. I replied saying I figured he didn't want a relationship because every time he talked about relationships he looked scared to death. He asked when we talked about this, and I told him it was after he suggested we become **** buddies and then began talking about getting into a relationship. He said he never said we should be **** buddies and that those were my "terms" so I was like wtf! I rebutted saying by saying I would never suggest **** buddies, as why would I? and that it didn't matter anyhow. He replied that he wasn't going to argue about this with me and wished me a happy halloween. So, all in all, you guys were correct. The dude doesn't want a relationship but he is also confused. I am mad that he thinks I would ever want a "**** buddy" relationship. I didn't have sex with him, so he must be trying to make himself feel better or something. We weren't even in a relationship, but I still feel terribly rejected. Dating sucks. Anyhow, thanks for all the advice you guys gave! I am VERY glad I did not sleep with him.
MrWombat Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 Is his relationship offer sincere or is he saying anything to sleep with me? I don’t know what he is about! Guys are very simple and straightforward. Everything he said was sincere, but you weren't listening - you were hearing what you wanted to hear.
Author Peppergale Posted November 1, 2012 Author Posted November 1, 2012 I completely agree. I'm slowly figuring guys out!
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