loverbear Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 Hi there, Hope you hear my cry for help, and will be willing to read my story. This is my first ever post in one of these things, and I really hope it will be helpful to me. I'm sorry about the long text, but I want to give you the full picture. Hopefully someone can help me sort out this situation, I’ve gotten myself into, with this girl from my university. She’s 23 and have a lot of relationship experience behind her, and I’m 25 and haven’t had a relationship lasting more than a couple of months, and only on that one occasion. I am really into this girl and want to try a long-term commitment with her. Before I begin, I have to mention, that we are taking all the same classes, AND we’re even in the same study-group, and will be for a few more months. That means we’ll be working quite close togehter doing a paper along with 5 other people. Anyway, here goes the story. We recently started university, but she and I didn’t really talk before we ended up in our study-group., and we quickly knew that we were having a lot of fun in each others company. After a couple of weeks, we were at a thursday bar event at our school, and afterwards we, and a few people from our class, ended up having an arfterparty at a nearby dorm. Later that night she and I were lying on a bed, so I went for a kiss. At first she laughed a bit, saying that ”it wouldn’t be a good idea for us to be kissing because it might mess up our group work.” I agreed with her, saying it would be stupid. Then she kissed me back. The following monday we went for a cup of coffee on our way home from school. We sat at a cafe for a couple of hours and told each other more personal stuff than we had shared before. We made a date the very next day where she would come help me paint my new apartment. The date went along allright and ended up with us watching a movie before she asked if I would drive her home, and spend the night at her place. So we went to bed and cuddeled for a while, and I asked her about the kiss we shared on thursday. She said that it didn’t really mean anything, and that she didn’t want to get involved with anyone right now as she had just come out of a short and not well functioning relationship a couple of weeks earlier. Then we slept and didn’t really talk about it the next morning before we hugged goodbye. Then a week and a half went by where we texted now and then and saw each other at school, not really flirting or anything. The following thursday (two weeks after our kiss) we were going out to a local bar with a bunch of other people from school. But during that afternoon more and more people were canceling, so it ended up being just me and her. We spent a good 5 hours drinking beers and talking and busting each others balls as well. At this point, I had actually told myself that things probably wouldn’t come to be with this girl, so my mindset was to just hang out with her as friends. But by the time I had to leave, her last bus had just left, so I invited her to sleep at my place. So we get home to my place, go to bed and I convince myself to have another try at kissing her. This time she is fully commited and before we knew, we were sharing really passionate kisses. We continue this for about 15 mins before we go to sleep. Next morning we don’t really talk about what had happend the night before, and once again we just hugged goodbye. Two days later, on Saturday, I had plans to go out with around 10 people from our class, so I invited her along. She sat next to me most of the night and at some point we find ourselves standing outside alone. I saw my moment and went in to kiss her, but she just turned her cheek and told me that ”we shouldn’t be doing this every time we were drunk.” I didn’t talk to her that much the rest of the night, but as more and more people went home, and we, in the end, were the only two left, I invited her back to my place to sleep again. So, we get back to my place and end up kissing in the bed again. This time, we kiss and kiss and touch and touch and more and more clothes come off. We continue kissing and touching for a full 2 hours, maybe more, before finally, just as we’re about to have sex, she pulls the brakes on me, and says that se still doesn’t think it’s good idea. Me, being a gentleman respects her decision. She then tells me that she feels like ”such a jerk for stopping.” We then kiss goodnight and fall asleep. Next morning same thing happens as every other morning, we just hug goodbye. Following monday, I tried to invite myself over to her place to watch a movie, but she’d already made plans to see a friend. Her friend ends up cancelling on her so, she invites me to drop by if I still feel like it. I go to her place around dinner time, so we cook together and share a bottle of wine, again having a good time in each others company. As the night progresses we talked about more personal stuff again. And she once again tells me that she is not looking for a serious relationship, but actually just wants something casual. She than goes on to tell me that that was the reason why she stopped just shy of having sex with me the other night, even though se wanted to, because ”It would be more than just sex.” We talk some more, and she reveals some things about her self that I might not want from a girl in a realationship, and since she has ’rejected’ me a couple of times by now, I actually told her this. Anyway, we talk to like 4 in the morning and we never got around to watching a movie. She invites me to spend the night and again we end up kissing passionatly, but just for like 15 minutes this time. Next morning, no talking just hugging, you get the drift. The following week (last week) which leads up to an event, which is the reason why i’m seeking advice now, I haven’t stopped thinking about her. We didn’t really text from Wedensday ’till Saturday, but still I couldn’t get her out of my mind. During this last week I have also come to terms with the things about her which I first thought of as a deal-breaker. But I still tried to retain myself from writing her, because I had the feeling she still wasn’t as into me as I am into her. We then texted a bit Saturday evening in a fairly freindly manner. Fast forward to yesterday, Monday, we were once again a bunch of people haning around after class, and we went shopping for Halloween costumes for our party on friday. At the store, I told her I didn’t know what to dress up as, and she then used a great deal of time walking around trying to find something for me. Afterwards we went back to a dorm and had more than a few beers, and I noticed her looking my way quite a lot during the night. We agreed to catch the same train home after, as we both live off campus, and since my connecting bus wasn’t leaving for another two hours when we got to her stop, she insisted that I came home with her. I did, even though I had this strange feeling I shouldn’t. On our way from the station she told me that she’d noticed that another girl from our school was kind of into me, to which i replied that I might have seen taht, but I wasn’t that interested. When we got into bed I told her to get closer to me. She did. I then tried to make the same moves which had led up to kissing before. This time she refused, telling me that, it wasn’t that she didnt want to, she is just still not ready to be in a serious relationship. And she knows that as long as we keep on kissing each other we wouldn’t kiss anyone else. I asked her what she was so afraid of, because I know she likes me, and she knows I like her. She has already shared more personal stuff with me than she has with a lot of her past boyfriends, and she always enjoy spending time with me. She told me that she feels it has all been going a bit fast, and that I haven’t given her the time to feel the same way about me as I do about her. I told her that I then might have to remove myself from her for a while to protect my own feelings, because I feel I can’t keep on giving so much of myself and not recieving enough in return, then I turned around, now lying with my back against her. She crept closer and put her head on my sholder and her arm around me, telling me she was nervous that that would happen. I said that I wouldn’t not be there if she really needed to talk to me, but I had to look out for my own feelings. I also asked her what she would feel like if I acted on that other girls interest at the party on friday (which I of course won’t), She told me that it would hurt her because of what we’ve shared, but that she would be okay with it eventually. Finally I said to her that I have this feeling she will end up falling in love with me, and that I just hope it will happen soon enough for me to be ready to reinitiate. She said that that would be really great… As usual we didn’t really talk about it this morning, and ended up hugging. What do I do now? I don’t wanna persue a lost cause, but I still feel that there’s something there. Plus I like her so much, so I don’t really want to withdraw myself 100%. She says she needs time, so how do I give that to her without pushing her or ”leaving” her? Please help! Thanks a million AFC
InJest Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 Treat it as a lost cause. Stop contacting her, and start going after other girls. It sounds like there are plenty of other girls to go after in your social circle. If she asks why you've stopped contacting her, tell her straight up that she's a tease and you're over it. Tell her you don't want a serious relationship either, but you're tired of her teasing you and you're moving on. When a girl gets in your bed and wants to stop, tell her its time to leave. I have kicked girl out of my apartment, as well as gotten up and left from theirs, before. Sometimes they crack, sometimes they don't. Doesn't matter to me either way, but I'm not going to be anyone's cuddlebitch.
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