private Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 Hello everyone, I am writing this cause I don't have anyone to talk to. I am 24 and have been with my bf for 5.5years. I love him more then words can describe. He intelligent, honest and very driven. We have been very happy up until a year ago. He has always had a problem with my mother. I have an extremely close relationship with my mom; sometimes we call each other up to 7-10 times a day. This has always been an issue for him. He feels I am too co-dependant on my Mom, that I lack the skill to make decisions biased on my own feelings and that I am immature. He says that he wants me to grow up. The problem is, I feel like I do make my own decisions and I love the close the relationship with my mom. So anyway, Things came to a crashing halt this week. When he said that he could no longer continue the realtionship if he didn't see some changes in my relationship with my mom. I freaked out, I do not want to loose him but i have no idea how to tell my parents that we need to cut things back without hurting thier feelings. So, the next day I told my mom through sobbing tears that my bf wanted have the relationship cut back. They are now extreamly conserned for me. They are super hurt by him and they feel it’s utterly and totally wrong to tell me what to do. I was devistated. I told my b/f what happened and he was angry how things went and felt that no one was taking his feelings into consideration. He felt the delivery must have been wrong. He decided to write them a letter explaining that he wanted space so our relationship can grow and I can learn to rely on him. They were not happy about the email and said that it hurt and they didn't want to speak to him. I have been devistated for days and don't know what to do. My bf and I talked for hours and hours. He told me all he wanted was to have the phone calls cut down so that our time wouldn't be inturrupted. I can understand his point and would have handled things much different. I explained all this to my parents but they don't trust him due to me crying all the time. I don't know what to do. I can’t see any clarity in this. I feels so terrible for both. I know they want me to get up and walk away but I can't imagine my life without him. I feel so conflicted. Help, any advice or perspective?
WhatYouWantToHear Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 This is like a self-fulfilling paradox wrapped in irony, sprinkled with a lack of self-awareness and served with a side of impending doom. Your boyfriend feels you are co-dependent on your mom and lack the skills to make decisions based on your own.....so he decided for you that you needed to limit that relationship so you can learn to rely on him. Delicious. My advice is not to take anyone's advice (except my advice about not taking advice that is). Not your parents', not your boyfriend's, not some random people on the internet. You need to decide which relationships are healthly in your life and which ones are not. Then you need to look a few years into the future and see what the ramifications of those decisions might be. This is all on you. Start actively living your life. 1
veggirl Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 It is wrong for your boyfriend to dictate your relationship with your mom. I think it's great you are so close to your mom, HOWEVER....7-10 phone calls a day?!?! What? Why? What is there to talk about that often? Does it intrude on your time with your boyfriend? I can see his frustration with that! 7-10 phone calls a day is waaaay excessive......
Emilia Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 So anyway, Things came to a crashing halt this week. When he said that he could no longer continue the realtionship if he didn't see some changes in my relationship with my mom. Something must have happened that he suddenly came out with this after 5.5 years. Has your mum been interferring much in your relationship? I assume so as you speak to her so often
InJest Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 What do you need to speak to your mom 7-10 times a day for? That is nuts, and I can see why he would think you're codependent, and I can imagine that it interrupts your time with him often. I can also see why he wouldn't want to continue with you longterm because of it. There's probably too much damage done already, so you may as well just end it with him and continue your insane relationship with your mother. I'm sure there is some sorry sap out there, who will put up with this nonsense.
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