Toodamnpragmatic Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 You're back....... Really JamesM, what brought you back here???? Some things never change and sad that your wife still doesn't care and essentially throws it in your face........ Should I pm Giotto & mem11363 to join the fray??????
Author JamesM Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 You're back....... Really JamesM, what brought you back here???? Some things never change and sad that your wife still doesn't care and essentially throws it in your face........ Should I pm Giotto & mem11363 to join the fray?????? I missed the camaderie and the ability to vent! mem and giotto have crossed paths with me since I have been back. What took YOU so long? Actually, I don't think this was throwing it in my face. I think this was more that she did wonder if I wrote it. There may have been just a little concern that I did even if she thought not. Anyhow, it is good to have you back again. I would ask how you are doing, but I don't want William to think I am derailing my own thread. (William is one of the mods, in case you didn't know).
Lucky_One Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 I have friends who SWEAR by the 50 Shades trilogy. I haven't made it past the first sexual encounter where he made a non-masturbating virgin orgasm from nipple play - and up to that point the book was so poorly written that I merely skimmed to try to get to the sex - and the stupidity of the scene turned me off. Regardless, millions of women seem to be turned on by them. You may want to buy her a Nook for Christmas and download those for her. And thanks for the response to my post to you. To have testosterone cream, she must have had her test levels checked, and I would assume they were low (in order to get the prescription)? In that case, she may just need to try a different method of delivery, like a single injection done monthly. As far as I know, testosterone replacement has no cancerous effects. And if her periods are fewer, then she sounds as though she is in peri-menopause, where hormone levels fluctuate even more than typically, and where loss of libido begins. Menopause isn't "officially" started until one full year without a period, so the entire period of time (years!) prior to that one full year is considered peri-menopause.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 (edited) I missed the camaderie and the ability to vent! mem and giotto have crossed paths with me since I have been back. What took YOU so long? Actually, I don't think this was throwing it in my face. I think this was more that she did wonder if I wrote it. There may have been just a little concern that I did even if she thought not. Anyhow, it is good to have you back again. I would ask how you are doing, but I don't want William to think I am derailing my own thread. (William is one of the mods, in case you didn't know). Doing well (not to derail). I always wonder where people disappear to. Know some grow tired, other's problems are resolved and some just can't bear to post any longer. I wonder what happened to Lizzy59, Honorable Venerable, 2Sure (just saw she posted), Vanhandle, Molly and many others who struck a chord or were just fun to read. I am sorry your spouse continues not to care less. I am amazed how many post and have such angst about usually mundane stuff surrounding sex (you should check a site Talkaboutmarriage to see people complain). Sexlessness I do not consider mundane or acceptable and wonder why the LD wife basically thinks it is funny to treat her spouse like that. I loved to vent and ask questions, but now I just push buttons and frankly find many posting don't want to face the real issues. So in the end I have realized I am doing so much better than most, and my problems pale in comparison. Am I 100% happy???? Of course not, but things are much improved (and as for these sites my wife detests them and anytime I bring them up;)). Edited October 25, 2012 by Toodamnpragmatic
Snowflower Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Hello, Snowflower. Hello back! Thanks for responding and I hope you didn't think I was too harsh. It is a conversation that needs to be had, but truly our marriage is not on the line. I have no intentions of leaving her. My last venting thread helped me understand why I love her and why I would not want to leave her. I don't look at her and wish I could leave. In fact, the opposite is true. I still think that overall she is a great mother and decent wife. I think that this issue stems from her pain and not from our relationship. While it is something that is a big problem, it is not a dealbreaker anymore. I may still vent here in the future, but it is a good way for me to get it all out and move on. I do believe your marriage might be on the line sometime in the future, if not now. Sure you are not about to leave because I think you do love her, very much. However, I think you are increasingly being "tempted" by the idea--at least from what you post here. I know you have posted that you are okay with the situation as it is right now but I think you are vulnerable and so is your marriage. It just takes the right other person at the wrong time... This is why I say your marriage is at risk. If the two of you don't resolve this problem ahead of time then you both risk you getting into a situation that doesn't go as planned or you get in over your head. The two of you need to talk. Does she know you post here? Would you be comfortable showing her some of your threads/posts here about the subject, in addition to discussing that letter?
Snowflower Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 I have friends who SWEAR by the 50 Shades trilogy. I haven't made it past the first sexual encounter where he made a non-masturbating virgin orgasm from nipple play - and up to that point the book was so poorly written that I merely skimmed to try to get to the sex - and the stupidity of the scene turned me off. Regardless, millions of women seem to be turned on by them. You may want to buy her a Nook for Christmas and download those for her. This is a good suggestion. I thought the books unbelievable as in the plot didn't seem even feasible to me. However, a lot of women have found that the series changed how they thought about sex and intimacy. Maybe it is worth a shot, James.
Mr. Lucky Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 I have friends who SWEAR by the 50 Shades trilogy. I haven't made it past the first sexual encounter where he made a non-masturbating virgin orgasm from nipple play - and up to that point the book was so poorly written that I merely skimmed to try to get to the sex - and the stupidity of the scene turned me off. Regardless, millions of women seem to be turned on by them. You may want to buy her a Nook for Christmas and download those for her. It's been funny to see my local Barnes and Noble morph into a soft-core adult book store. They have an entire "50 Shades" section and there seems to be a cottage industry of similarly themed books and authors... Mr. Lucky
giotto Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 You're back....... Really JamesM, what brought you back here???? Some things never change and sad that your wife still doesn't care and essentially throws it in your face........ Should I pm Giotto & mem11363 to join the fray?????? I'm resurrecting this a bit to say that I'm still here, although not very frequently... I posted something in July this year. Things haven't changed much. In fact, my wife said they'll never change! I found James' wife reaction quite strange, to be honest. Well, she brings it up like is some kind of fun fact, when by now she really should know that this is a very hurting subject for her husband. And then she seems to sweep it under the carpet. This, to me, indicates very much the huge gulf between the two. My wife is the same. I've come to the conclusion that she doesn't really care if I'm happy or not. Because she knows I'm not, but nothing changes. She does nothing about it. I was done in July, but I've changed my mind. A separation would be too stressful for me, for the family, for everybody... just concentrating on something else. Sometimes I wished I had a "girlfriend" too...
Author JamesM Posted October 29, 2012 Author Posted October 29, 2012 (edited) It is good to hear from you again, giotto. Now all we need is mem again! I found James' wife reaction quite strange, to be honest. Well, she brings it up like is some kind of fun fact, when by now she really should know that this is a very hurting subject for her husband. And then she seems to sweep it under the carpet. This, to me, indicates very much the huge gulf between the two. I did find her reaction to the letter interesting, but I can say that in no way did it seem like she was bringing up a "fun fact." If anything, she leaned toward the "slightly afraid it might be you but don't think so...so I need to check" attitude. She didn't sweep it under the rug. In fact, as I said above, if anyone swept it under the rug, then it was me. It caught me off guard and I wasn't sure how to react. Later I had a number of comments that I wished I had made. And no, we have not had a chance to actually talk about the letter, so It has not come up. We haven't had but a few moments alone...and none without kids nearby. My wife is the same. I've come to the conclusion that she doesn't really care if I'm happy or not. Because she knows I'm not, but nothing changes. She does nothing about it. I was done in July, but I've changed my mind. A separation would be too stressful for me, for the family, for everybody... just concentrating on something else. Sometimes I wished I had a "girlfriend" too... I feel for you. While my wife does care if I am happy, she has more concerns about herself at this point...mainly because she has had two surgeries and is recovering from the second one. She sleeps alot and cannot walk much. Besides that we have a number of things going on in life that make our lives a bit stressful and busy...to say the least. But she says she is grateful for all that I am doing to keep the household going while she cannot. We do hug and kiss. We talk plenty and as personal we can with children's ears nearby. And like you, I wouldn't leave for many reasons, but in my case I can say that I love my wife too much to even consider leaving. As for a girlfriend, I don't think you really want to deal with that if you have stress in your life already. Perhaps you can handle the secrecy and all. I suppose there are other ways to release some of the resentment that wouldn't involve another relationship such as a woman who fulfills what is missing while not expecting more. Now if I could actually find out who that letter writer is... Edited October 29, 2012 by JamesM
giotto Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 It is good to hear from you again, giotto. Now all we need is mem again! I did find her reaction to the letter interesting, but I can say that in no way did it seem like she was bringing up a "fun fact." If anything, she leaned toward the "slightly afraid it might be you but don't think so...so I need to check" attitude. She didn't sweep it under the rug. In fact, as I said above, if anyone swept it under the rug, then it was me. It caught me off guard and I wasn't sure how to react. Later I had a number of comments that I wished I had made. And no, we have not had a chance to actually talk about the letter, so It has not come up. We haven't had but a few moments alone...and none without kids nearby. Still, I find it strange she would bring it up like that... it seemed to me it was some kind of afterthought for her. But I wasn't there , so I don't know. I think you missed a chance for a nice long talk... I missed it too when I had a meltdown in July and we talked and I forgot half of the stuff I wanted to ask her... I feel for you. While my wife does care if I am happy, she has more concerns about herself at this point...mainly because she has had two surgeries and is recovering from the second one. She sleeps alot and cannot walk much. Besides that we have a number of things going on in life that make our lives a bit stressful and busy...to say the least. But she says she is grateful for all that I am doing to keep the household going while she cannot. We do hug and kiss. We talk plenty and as personal we can with children's ears nearby. And like you, I wouldn't leave for many reasons, but in my case I can say that I love my wife too much to even consider leaving. As for a girlfriend, I don't think you really want to deal with that if you have stress in your life already. Perhaps you can handle the secrecy and all. I suppose there are other ways to release some of the resentment that wouldn't involve another relationship such as a woman who fulfills what is missing while not expecting more. Now if I could actually find out who that letter writer is... She cares about me, but she comes first... so, it feels like she doesn't really care, if you know what I mean. BTW, I couldn't have a secret "girlfriend". My wife would know straightaway and I promised her that, despite our problems, if I wanted to have sex with another woman, I would have to tell her, because she would divorce me... I have a choice, obviously, but I have decided not to divorce her to have sex with other women... well, at the moment!
Author JamesM Posted October 29, 2012 Author Posted October 29, 2012 Still, I find it strange she would bring it up like that... it seemed to me it was some kind of afterthought for her. But I wasn't there , so I don't know. I think you missed a chance for a nice long talk... I missed it too when I had a meltdown in July and we talked and I forgot half of the stuff I wanted to ask her... I know the feeling. If we could schedule a part two talk and keep it going, but it never seems to happen. It wasn't an afterthought...that I know. She could have waited until I read the paper (in fact, I told her I would find it), but it was something that struck her and she wanted to discuss it with me after I read it. I still think I let a moment go by. Such is life. She cares about me, but she comes first... so, it feels like she doesn't really care, if you know what I mean. I know what you mean...sadly. BTW, I couldn't have a secret "girlfriend". My wife would know straightaway and I promised her that, despite our problems, if I wanted to have sex with another woman, I would have to tell her, because she would divorce me... I have a choice, obviously, but I have decided not to divorce her to have sex with other women... well, at the moment! There are other alternatives besides having sex with a girl that can relieve some of the resentment. Even mem mentioned getting a massage that ends happily. Just having a woman touch you with some care and compassion can give you the feeling like someone cares. Talking and laughing or simply relaxing during that hour takes away some stress. Personally, having sex is not a good option for me either because it wouldn't feel right, and still wouldn't be the same as with my wife. Besides, I don't think I could leave the emotional connection out of the relationship....and so I would be in a full blown affair, which would get really messy. Just a thought.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 It is good to hear from you again, giotto. Now all we need is mem again! I did find her reaction to the letter interesting, but I can say that in no way did it seem like she was bringing up a "fun fact." If anything, she leaned toward the "slightly afraid it might be you but don't think so...so I need to check" attitude. She didn't sweep it under the rug. In fact, as I said above, if anyone swept it under the rug, then it was me. It caught me off guard and I wasn't sure how to react. Later I had a number of comments that I wished I had made. And no, we have not had a chance to actually talk about the letter, so It has not come up. We haven't had but a few moments alone...and none without kids nearby. I feel for you. While my wife does care if I am happy, she has more concerns about herself at this point...mainly because she has had two surgeries and is recovering from the second one. She sleeps alot and cannot walk much. Besides that we have a number of things going on in life that make our lives a bit stressful and busy...to say the least. But she says she is grateful for all that I am doing to keep the household going while she cannot. We do hug and kiss. We talk plenty and as personal we can with children's ears nearby. And like you, I wouldn't leave for many reasons, but in my case I can say that I love my wife too much to even consider leaving. As for a girlfriend, I don't think you really want to deal with that if you have stress in your life already. Perhaps you can handle the secrecy and all. I suppose there are other ways to release some of the resentment that wouldn't involve another relationship such as a woman who fulfills what is missing while not expecting more. Now if I could actually find out who that letter writer is... C'mon JamesM, always excuses. This has not changed since the first post. No time to talk at all????? Really????? I'm sorry for you and your wife's ailments, but if there weren't these issues, she'd have another excuse. It doesn't change ever. She loves you (or so you claim), she enjoys sex and easily comes when you do have sex and has no interest.
giotto Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 C'mon JamesM, always excuses. This has not changed since the first post. No time to talk at all????? Really????? I'm sorry for you and your wife's ailments, but if there weren't these issues, she'd have another excuse. It doesn't change ever. She loves you (or so you claim), she enjoys sex and easily comes when you do have sex and has no interest. you haven't changed either... 1
Author JamesM Posted October 29, 2012 Author Posted October 29, 2012 C'mon JamesM, always excuses. This has not changed since the first post. No time to talk at all????? Really????? I'm sorry for you and your wife's ailments, but if there weren't these issues, she'd have another excuse. It doesn't change ever. Here are the excuses.... The next day, we had company from noon to bedtime. And right before bedtime is never a good time. Our best time is at lunchtime right now when we have no kids home. The following day, she was sleeping (and yes, she was) when I was home for lunch. That night I was gone. The next day Sat, I was gone til early afternoon and then working outdoors after that. Since the kids are around...even if we had time, this wouldn't have worked. And yesterday, she slept literally all day except for a couple of hours last night. Besides, we didn't have alone time. As for her sleeping, it is because of the pain and insomnia that made her exhausted enough to sleep that long. Excuses? Perhaps. But in reality, it is the way life is. Since I am both father and at least part-time to full-time mother, I haven't found the time to bring it up again. But it does get to be whatever....it is what it is. She brought it up and I missed a chance. Fact is...if she wants it brought up again, then it will happen. And maybe I will or won't. After this long, I can honestly say that currently it is less of an issue. She loves you (or so you claim), she enjoys sex and easily comes when you do have sex and has no interest. First, I know that she loves me. I have not doubted that. Whether she is sexually attracted to me...different issue. I doubt that. The question is why. And I don't really care to start all over with it unless she initiates it herself. Her love for me is not claimed...it is known. Second, as far as I know, she doesn't enjoy sex. She did in the past, but hasn't (per her) in quite a few years. Third, she does not easily orgasm and never has. You have the wrong guy. Fourth, I don't believe that this letter was going to be used to say that she is now interested in sex. If anything, it was to be used to see why I have not bothered her in months and yet do not show much resentment (if any) towards her. Input appreciated...just setting the facts straight.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 (edited) Here are the excuses.... The next day, we had company from noon to bedtime. And right before bedtime is never a good time. Our best time is at lunchtime right now when we have no kids home. The following day, she was sleeping (and yes, she was) when I was home for lunch. That night I was gone. The next day Sat, I was gone til early afternoon and then working outdoors after that. Since the kids are around...even if we had time, this wouldn't have worked. And yesterday, she slept literally all day except for a couple of hours last night. Besides, we didn't have alone time. As for her sleeping, it is because of the pain and insomnia that made her exhausted enough to sleep that long. Excuses? Perhaps. But in reality, it is the way life is. Since I am both father and at least part-time to full-time mother, I haven't found the time to bring it up again. But it does get to be whatever....it is what it is. She brought it up and I missed a chance. Fact is...if she wants it brought up again, then it will happen. And maybe I will or won't. After this long, I can honestly say that currently it is less of an issue. First, I know that she loves me. I have not doubted that. Whether she is sexually attracted to me...different issue. I doubt that. The question is why. And I don't really care to start all over with it unless she initiates it herself. Her love for me is not claimed...it is known. Second, as far as I know, she doesn't enjoy sex. She did in the past, but hasn't (per her) in quite a few years. Third, she does not easily orgasm and never has. You have the wrong guy. Fourth, I don't believe that this letter was going to be used to say that she is now interested in sex. If anything, it was to be used to see why I have not bothered her in months and yet do not show much resentment (if any) towards her. Input appreciated...just setting the facts straight. A simple loving relationship with a minimum of sex and affection is not asking a lot. Of course if you never had a fulfilling sex life and this was okay and never discussed, then that is one thing, but if it was a bait & switch, which is often brought up here that is another. If you`ve been a loving attentive spouse, grown as a person and done your share and have her respect, there is no excuse. If shallow like me;), and have aged gracefully, maintained your weight and appearance..... again no excuse. I can`t for one understand women and their continual excuses and reasoning for doing this to the person they claim to love. As for the excuses for not talking, how about planting the seed in a joking manner (or serious). This does not require hours and hours and conversation in one sitting. 1. So you thought I wrote that letter? You bothered if it was? 2. Why don't you want to have sex? 3. You do know I want it bad and want less then probably 30 minutes a week 4. Are you repulsed by ex or me? 5. Want to see a counselor to talk about it? 6. Are we going to do anything about it? 7. Mind if I join a site and look for a F-buddy? Just a start..... Edited October 29, 2012 by Toodamnpragmatic
Mr. Lucky Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 Besides that we have a number of things going on in life that make our lives a bit stressful and busy...to say the least. This is a common statement by many "sexless" spouses that look for - and rationalize - reasons for their low sex drive partner's behavior. But I don't think it makes sense because every relationship, especially with small kids, has those same stresses, pressures and hectic schedules. And yet, most couples still connect under those circumstances. So James, that form of family-induced craziness isn't a variable specific to your relationship but a constant across many. Don't let your wife get away with telling you it's the reason she won't be intimate with you. If anything, it should be the reason the two of you need that bonding more... Mr. Lucky
giotto Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 This is a common statement by many "sexless" spouses that look for - and rationalize - reasons for their low sex drive partner's behavior. But I don't think it makes sense because every relationship, especially with small kids, has those same stresses, pressures and hectic schedules. And yet, most couples still connect under those circumstances. So James, that form of family-induced craziness isn't a variable specific to your relationship but a constant across many. Don't let your wife get away with telling you it's the reason she won't be intimate with you. If anything, it should be the reason the two of you need that bonding more... Mr. Lucky I agree with this... since I'm not really able to "extract" the real reason from my wife (and I've tried), I can only come to the conclusion she doesn't really care that much about me anymore, or she does care, but her needs are far more important than mine. In fact, she's told me that I can go if I'm not satisfied... what does it tell you? If she really cared about me, she would do anything to keep me here, but she's given me the choice. This means, I come first and then you deal with it. Not the behaviour of someone who claims to love you...
Author JamesM Posted October 30, 2012 Author Posted October 30, 2012 This is a common statement by many "sexless" spouses that look for - and rationalize - reasons for their low sex drive partner's behavior. But I don't think it makes sense because every relationship, especially with small kids, has those same stresses, pressures and hectic schedules. And yet, most couples still connect under those circumstances. I agree, but I was giving reasons (or excuses ) why I don't have any interest or time right now. I am not excusing her or assuming for her. Normally, our lives are "normally busy." Right now...much more so, and that includes her surgery, which makes it less than comfortable to even have sex...if I approached her. As for me, I barely get enough sleep, so taking away more time from my sleep doesn't sound exciting. I could give more, but that would give too much personal info. So James, that form of family-induced craziness isn't a variable specific to your relationship but a constant across many. Don't let your wife get away with telling you it's the reason she won't be intimate with you. If anything, it should be the reason the two of you need that bonding more... Mr. Lucky I agree. Oddly, my wife has more time than I do to have sex. If she was physically mended, then she would probably be more open than usual. However, I simply don't have the time...except perhaps at work, bt she is not here. She has used the excuse as I have (or am), but she is not using it as an excuse right now...I am.
Mr. Lucky Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 I agree with this... since I'm not really able to "extract" the real reason from my wife (and I've tried), I can only come to the conclusion she doesn't really care that much about me anymore, or she does care, but her needs are far more important than mine. In fact, she's told me that I can go if I'm not satisfied... what does it tell you? If she really cared about me, she would do anything to keep me here, but she's given me the choice. This means, I come first and then you deal with it. Not the behaviour of someone who claims to love you... I think many low drive spouses perform a risk/reward analysis (and it may even be subconsciously) that tries to compute the cost of staying in their sexless comfort zone. They take many factors into account - the other spouse's attachment to home and familiy, the general inertia and fear of change we all have, the ties of marriage, religion and reputation and the non-sexual affection you feel for your partner. And, zip/zop out pops an answer that says that they can continue without intimacy (or with some microscopically infrequent amount) and the other person won't leave. They may complain, rail, argue and post on Loveshack , but they won't leave. And I point out without rancor or irony, your spouse was right - you've stayed... Maybe rather that trying to figure out why many low libido spouses don't make the effort, we should try to understand why some do. Looking back, during our barren period my wife mastered the art of providing just enough contact (once every 7-14 days at that point) to keep us together. While I could tell she wasn't in to it, I could also see she was trying. I give her 100% of the credit for the fact that we stayed married and eventually found higher ground sexually as her effort, when I had one foot out the door, kept us intact... Mr. Lucky 1
giotto Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 I think many low drive spouses perform a risk/reward analysis (and it may even be subconsciously) that tries to compute the cost of staying in their sexless comfort zone. They take many factors into account - the other spouse's attachment to home and familiy, the general inertia and fear of change we all have, the ties of marriage, religion and reputation and the non-sexual affection you feel for your partner. And, zip/zop out pops an answer that says that they can continue without intimacy (or with some microscopically infrequent amount) and the other person won't leave. They may complain, rail, argue and post on Loveshack , but they won't leave. And I point out without rancor or irony, your spouse was right - you've stayed... Maybe rather that trying to figure out why many low libido spouses don't make the effort, we should try to understand why some do. Looking back, during our barren period my wife mastered the art of providing just enough contact (once every 7-14 days at that point) to keep us together. While I could tell she wasn't in to it, I could also see she was trying. I give her 100% of the credit for the fact that we stayed married and eventually found higher ground sexually as her effort, when I had one foot out the door, kept us intact... Mr. Lucky Mr. Lucky, I couldn't have said it better. You just grasped my situation perfectly. In fact, my wife does enough to keep me there (once every 2/3 weeks) and I kind of appreciate that, but that doesn't remove the feeling that she is doing it to keep me there. She enjoys it when we have it, but I'm pretty sure she could go a lot longer without it. She says she has no libido and she has to decide (I suppose this means "getting in the mood") when to have it. Well, it just leaves a big void inside. And you are right, I stayed, for all the reasons you mention above...
Mr. Lucky Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 In fact, my wife does enough to keep me there (once every 2/3 weeks) and I kind of appreciate that, but that doesn't remove the feeling that she is doing it to keep me there. No greater contradiction (and unproductive on top of that) than wanting your wife to be sexual and yet then, when she is, questioning her motives. When she would make the effort, I used to drive her crazy with questions afterwards - why tonight? was it something I said or did? was it something I didn't say or do? what can I do to make this happen again? It literally drove me crazy... Mr. Lucky
Mr. Lucky Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 However, I simply don't have the time...except perhaps at work, bt she is not here. With all this extra "energy" and free time at work, I'd put the secretarial pool on high alert ... Mr. Lucky 1
giotto Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 No greater contradiction (and unproductive on top of that) than wanting your wife to be sexual and yet then, when she is, questioning her motives. When she would make the effort, I used to drive her crazy with questions afterwards - why tonight? was it something I said or did? was it something I didn't say or do? what can I do to make this happen again? It literally drove me crazy... Mr. Lucky well, yes, but I've accepted it now, but I'm still asking myself what I've done wrong to deserve such treatment. Obviously, it might not be me, but I haven't yet managed to establish the real reason. I know that the pressure I put on her has permanently affected the way she deals with sex (i.e. bad place to be) and her OCD + ADs don't help, but there is something there that she doesn't seem able to reveal (and it's not abuse). She says there are other reasons, but she never tells me what they are and I've missed many chances to find out. Having said that, usually, when I put her on the spot, she retreats in herself and takes ages to get back to normal. I'm not quite prepared to disrupt the balance we have now, especially after my "meltdown" in July. Thanks for listening and sorry about derailing the thread!
Got it Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 This thread bothers me. Why does this thread bother you?
Recommended Posts