girlfriend still friends with guy she went on dates on during our relationship?

[fremonde]

My girlfriend went through a rough patch and went on a few dates with another guy (quarter life crisis stuff) and we got over that. But she still wants to be friends with him in video games and facebook and occasionally text. I forgave her for the dates, but I have a problem with that.

 

She is not dating the guy anymore or even seeing him.

 

Am I wrong and controlling to ask her to have No contact with him?

 

Or is she wrong for straining our relationship by maintaining a distant relationship with the guy?

[lovebug1234]

it depends on your comfort level. you two need to work something out that works for the both of you or else someone is going to resent it .

[fremonde]

I'm not comfortable.. I did not think its right at all to maintain contact with the guy she cheated on me with... She does not see the problem..

[phineas]

You are wrong for keeping her around.

 

Every time I forgave a woman for being disrespectful guess what?

She did it again.

 

You can do what you want, but in the past i've dumped women for going to dinner with new guy "friends" she just met (dates)

[Ninjainpajamas]

You're leaving out a crucial part of the story, and that's why the relationship separation occurred in the first place.

 

Was it her doubts about you? or your doubts about the relationship?

 

So I'll just generalize the situation here...

 

If it was her doubts then you're pretty much screwed IMO, the fact that she left or has reached that point where her disinterest level was that high shows a clear disconnect and decision.

 

Women don't take those decisions lightly most of the time, and they are emotional beings...what they feel is where they follow, unlike men where they get into deep thought about what they want out of life and if this is the right girl etc (which they always know before hand anyway)..I'm not saying women don't think about those things but when they do it's different than it is for men...there's different factors to their perspective.

 

If you initiated the separation (which it doesn't sound like) then you could expect a level of distrust and rebuilding process...she may have found comfort in another man especially as she knows him very little, it allows her to fantasize about how much better and more understanding he would be and all that jazz because she hasn't had the fortune of seeing this guys issues.

 

At any rate, you allowing this to continue says something about you and this relationship...you're not supposed to restrict women from talking to other men that you are in a relationship with, however you shouldn't have the passivity/attitude to have to an unspoken influence on that dynamic, you should have a presence and dominance to that circumstance...she shouldn't want to talk to this guy and at the same time she should feel like you wouldn't put up with that, she should already know that.

 

The fact that she feels comfortable in doing that and also wants to talk to this other guy and you accept that shows a lack of respect for you as a man and the relationship and reflects on how she feels emotionally, because when a woman is really into you she'll drop just about anything and everything to be with you, especially other men...and the more she feels for you the farther she can go, so the fact you do not have that affect on this woman reflects upon her emotions for you as well as your dominance in the relationship...and dominance isn't about machismo, it's that security, protection and comfort that you provide a woman in a relationship where she feels safe and doesn't want anyone else.

 

I'll be honest with you, I think you've already lost this battle...can you string out on this rollercoaster of love like many people do to prolong a relationship? of course you can, read the forums, many people do it and even in real life, never means people are truly happy and content, they just feel like It's worth "fighting for" for whatever reason they convinced themselves of it and there are many, so in that regard what you'll want to do is communicate and express your concerns and needs to her and how it makes you feel, that might be all she needs for now.

 

I think she's straining the relationship because she wants to, she'll tell you it's just platonic and their just friends but that's not the situation in my opinion...he's likely the backup plan, they'll just likely both be in denial of it because if they admit that they'll having to admit that it's wrong and when two people like each other they can convince each other that nothing they are doing is inappropriate, that's it's all just innocent.

[veggirl]

No you are not wrong for wanting her to quit talking to the guy she CHEATED ON YOU with! How in the world can she justify that?! Geez.

 

I would seriously tell her "I am not comfortable with you talking to the guy you cheated on me with. I am not going to be in a relationship that makes me feel uncomfortable, so make your decision"

 

PS- "quarter life crisis stuff" ? lol what a great excuse.