jaylh36 Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 hi guys... would appreciate some feedback on whats a very frustrating situation.. Met this girl last year.. got on great, however she had just got out of an 8 year relationship so emotionally she was all over the place... as soon as we got intimate she would freak out and say she wasnt ready etc... after 6 months we decided to stop seeing each other as it was just too complicated.. since then we have caught up a few times for dinner.. she always says she misses me etc etc... a few months ago we spent quite a bit of time together then I had to go away with work for a few weeks... got back and every time I asked her for dinner or coffee it was always busy with work and she went very quiet... I just left it alone and we didnt really speak for a while... she again recently got back in touch saying she's had lot of personal stuff going on (which i think is ex related) and we should catch up.. again though same story.. always too busy.. so again I just stopped contacting...shes now got back in touch with the same, we should catch up I just dont get it... i really like this girl, but to me if you value someone you will always make time to see them.. if she's not that interested then why get back in touch? If i ask to meet her i know what the answer will be so its all very frustrating... any ideas as to whats going on in her mind here? Thanks
sanjana4u Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 I think its too complicated...but you must sort out yourself whether you are ready to move on in your life or not.
Ninjainpajamas Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 An eight year relationship is a lot for a woman to let go of, so unless she was already detached emotionally then she's almost committed by history to fight for this past relationship with her ex. I don't mean to target a sex in this, I just have not known men to behave accordingly in the same way...not as common anyway, men usually go on with life and feel the impact later using up a few girls along the way or they end up broken and a bit jaded and don't date at all for a while. Right now your relationship with her serves as a form of validation, she feels something for you but she can't overcome the past and emotions she was with the ex...so that kind of history is hard to beat out just by default, you could be 10x better than the guy but you'll lose that battle just because of the way she is wired unless was over it or has recently decided to move on. She isn't in control basically so you really can't invest emotionally and don't think you can white-knight her out of the situation although I'm not sure how much of that type you are. My advice is to just put that off to the side, 8 years is a long time and it'll take a few rebounds at least to get a good footing again for her while she goes back and forth with the ex who's likely doing his own thing too and having her on the side. And the more relationships she goes through the more she'll realize she has to face her own issues...that's if she faces her own issues, because until she moves on she'll always be wrapped into him. I would just move on, nothing wrong with talking to her once in a while if that's your thing but I'd read the writing on the wall and I wouldn't be interested in her romantically, it's just going to be drama and turn into a mess...up to you if you feel she's worth the rollercoaster ride and drama, but even if she's with you she'll still be partially invested in the other guy.
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