Mrs. HS Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 I have been with my boyfriend for 4 months, he is my first love and I am very happy with him. About two months into our relationship, one of his so called friends had told me some things about my boyfriend, specifically mistakes he had made with ex girlfriends. Since then, although my love for my BF has only gotten stronger, so has my paranoia, since my BF was a cheater with exes in the past and as someone who is in love for the first time, because I know this now, it has been so hard for me to build trust with him and really let him in and it's starting to affect our relationship. He admitted to mistakes of the past and told me he loves me, I am different and he is now a different man. But still, I'm so unsure because if someone is once a compulsive cheater I honestly believe they'll always be but at the same time I do believe my boyfriend is a great man & that he has no intentions of doing me that way. Any tips on trusting and just not letting his past bother me? Tonight when we were discussing this he asked me if I really believed he loved me and I couldn't answer and he was very hurt. I just want to put this paranoia behind me and let go of this insecurity so our bond can grow in a healthy manner.
hollynoel498 Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 There are a few simple causes for jealousy or suspicion in a relationship: insecurities, lower self esteem, anxiety about relationships in general, lack of perceived alternatives (can't find anyone else), and a sense of mistrust. All of these basically boil down to insecurity either about self, the relationship, or your partner. I think the best thing for you to do is work on believing in your value and worth as a person and a partner. If you believe those things about yourself, you won't be so concerned about his past. Believing in yourself also helps to not take things personally, ie his past. In reality, we all do things that we're ashamed of, but that doesn't mean that we're going to repeat them. I don't believe 'once a cheater always a cheater'. People can change. Basically, I think the best course of action for you is to love yourself more. If you do this, his actions won't have such a profound effect on you and you'll probably worry less.
Recommended Posts