Pamkiss Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 I'm really having a hard time with the current situation I'm in and feeling very confused. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months. It has gotten serious really fast and we started seeing each other in each other's future very early on. I knew he loves me deeply and I do him. I have this really immature habit of asking to break-up when we have problems or when I'm hurt which he didn't like. He always says that break-up should never be considered an option. However, more than a week ago, we had a petite fight, and I didn't talk to him for 2 days. I was pissed and I didn't want to ask for another break-up so I just cooled off for a while. But when we finally talked on the third day, HE asked for a break-up, saying he doesn't think it's working out anymore and that he didn't like that my mom meddled and talked to him through txt. (I didnt even know this happened) Anyway, i am very prideful so I didn't ask him more and just agreed with the break-up. The week following that, he wanted to get back together then he would change his mind, and then want to get back together again. That cycle went on for more than a week. Finally, I agreed to talk and took him back. He's been great ever since. I could really see the changes and the efforts he's putting in to prove to me he's trying to change. The problems is, now, I lost my trust in him and I'm feeling insecure. I can't help but think why he suddenly broke up with me, is there someone else, did that someone else reject him that's why he cam crawling back, etc. I used to know the password for his FB account and now he won't give it to me anymore, which wouldn't be an issue before all these insecurities kept popping up. I'm not sure what to do. How i can trust him again, or if I should just leave. Please help me! I love him but now i'm not sure if i should even be with him considering that he left me. I keep expecting him to leave me again which is such a burden to carry.
NewPerspective93 Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 Why don't you asking "why" he broke it off with you? Give it some time, and see how you feel about this.
Author Pamkiss Posted October 23, 2012 Author Posted October 23, 2012 I did and he said it was because of my mum meddling, which he didn't like. Also, at that he was going through some serious financial troubles, so he said his mind was not working right at that time. These just seem very unlikely to me. Sound like excuses.
NewPerspective93 Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 TBH, I would agree with you. If a person really wanted to make it work, they wouldn't settle for excuses, but rather keep going and fighting for it, regardless of what's going on.
veggirl Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 err how many times have you broken up in just 6 months? Sounds like you guys fight a lot? Is it possible you are just not compatible? This sounds miserable, all this breaking up and making up. Your boyfriend is right that breaking up should not be a temp solution to a problem. 1
flitzanu Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 yeah, it sounds like you're using "breakups" as an immature way to avoid your problems. being together only 6 months and breaking up multiple times doesn't sound like a stable, compatible relationship. 1
Author Pamkiss Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 All other breakups weren't that serious, they were like the 'breakup/fight' thing where it gets resolved in a day or two.. I was really trying to change that habit because you guys are right, it's not healthy or stable and very immature. I really want to do it right this time, now that we're trying for real. But i can't get past that time he broke up with me. I still have the hurt feelings from that time and i cant help but feel very insecure. Sometimes I try talking to him about it but he doesn't seem to be that open or supportive. he tells me things like 'that wont happen again, promise' or 'don't be like that'. But i don't get any real security or assurance. I'm not sure what to do. I know i need to fix this but I don't know how. And i keep looking to him for the security I need but I don't seem to be getting it.
flitzanu Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 well, how is he going to GIVE you self confidence? are his words going to cure you of how you feel about it?
Jono85 Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 I have this really immature habit of asking to break-up when we have problems or when I'm hurt which he didn't like. did u ever think that's how he might feel when YOU are the one doing it multiple times until then??? maybe u should learn from this and realize that breaking up with someone before ur actually sure about breaking up with that person, can really hurt someone and damage a relationship. i would bet money that he would never have broken up with u had u not hurt him in the past pulling that card yourself. i bet he lost trust in YOU.
gotye Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 I had a relationship like that... and i believe we did stuff like that for attention probably not talking for two days made him upset from lack of attention and so he did something drastic to elicit a response... when you pridefully walked away he dwelled on the decision and realized it was a rash one that he didn't mean
amaysngrace Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Why did your mom get involved? That's messed up. 1
veggirl Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 All other breakups weren't that serious, they were like the 'breakup/fight' thing where it gets resolved in a day or two.. I was really trying to change that habit because you guys are right, it's not healthy or stable and very immature. No, it's not healthy or stable. Are you guys very young? Sometimes I try talking to him about it but he doesn't seem to be that open or supportive. he tells me things like 'that wont happen again, promise' or 'don't be like that'. But i don't get any real security or assurance. I'm not sure what to do. I know i need to fix this but I don't know how. And i keep looking to him for the security I need but I don't seem to be getting it. You guys aren't compatible. A good relationship is your rock, it's what calms the storm around you. You don't have that, and your core personalities conflict and that isn't going to change.
Author Pamkiss Posted November 1, 2012 Author Posted November 1, 2012 i know how immature it is, which is why I'm really trying to change it.. i know we have some incompatibilities, but what couple doesn't right? I really want to change how i go about relationships, I don't want to always break-up because we're not 100% compatible. I want to work this out, I just don't know how to get past that breakup and trust him again. Like yesterday, he politely asked if it's okay with me if he goes out drinking with friends. I'm not usually apprehensive about these, but this time, I was really uncomfortable about it. How do I get over these trust issues??
LeGenDary_Man Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 (edited) i know how immature it is, which is why I'm really trying to change it.. i know we have some incompatibilities, but what couple doesn't right? I really want to change how i go about relationships, I don't want to always break-up because we're not 100% compatible. I want to work this out, I just don't know how to get past that breakup and trust him again. Like yesterday, he politely asked if it's okay with me if he goes out drinking with friends. I'm not usually apprehensive about these, but this time, I was really uncomfortable about it. How do I get over these trust issues?? I think that you are not ready for a 'committed relationship' yet. You have some issues that you need to fix before you decide to settle down with someone. His one time temporary break-up has upset you this much; have you ever wondered that how much your temporary break-ups would have upset him? Seriously, I find it surprising that he is still trying to make things work with you. So either make sincere effort at fixing this relationship (you need to do some self-analysis to figure out your own faults and fix them) or spare your boyfriend the trouble of attempting to make things work with you. Sorry! My response may sound a bit harsh but you are actually being harsh to your boyfriend IMO and your mother also questioned him only. This is BAD. I am not saying that your boyfriend is perfect; no one in reality is. However, he deserves better then how you are treating him. Edited November 1, 2012 by LeGenDary_Man
Author Pamkiss Posted November 9, 2012 Author Posted November 9, 2012 Okay, so I guess this is useless. We had a fight and he broke up with me again! Over something so trivial. I'm tired of this! Moving on..
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