Break up after 19 months, sticky situation. Am I a bad person?

[guyisnew]

Hey,

Under a week ago I broke up with my girlfriend, who I had been going out with for 19 months. For me it was my first proper relationship. For the first 9 months or so everything seemed fine. Then however I began to get doubts about us. We already knew we loved each other, but I felt something was wrong. I admit I was a push over as I felt that I come across too strong I might push her away. I helped her a lot at the start as she had been screwed over by her best friend. Also I helped her where depression.

 

However just before the Summer things started to feel wrong for me badly. She attacked me verbally on the phone, about how I always stick up for my sister, when she criticised her. (My sister never liked her, as my sister feels she need to look out for me as she is the older one) So at this point I began to really think if we can still be together. We had discussed marriage and I had actually proposed to her, but we felt we should wait at least till the 2 year mark to make it official. With this attack on me, I felt that the idea of marriage needed to be put on hold. As she was back in her home country, I was going to go and see her, but I realise now that I delayed in going over to see her as I felt wronged. So when I do go over we happy at first, then it feels like I've become the dogs body around her parents house. When we do leave the plan was to drive back via car across to Britain. However she insisted on bringing her dog, which would have been fine, but she did not have a flat yet, so she was going to stay at my place, which is actually my parents flat which I use. My parents we strict in saying no dogs. However she did not tell her parents till the last day, which ended with me getting grilled by her parents about the situation. It really annoyed me.

(OKAY moving forward to the present now.. details I felt were needed) We are in the flat I say that the dog can not go on the bed as well a bed is for humans, and let alone sleep in it. The first night she begs me to let him sleep in the bed. I reluctantly say fine. Then almost every night without asking me she gets the dog to sleep on the bed and she knows I'm allergic to it hairs on the bed. Worse still the dog barks its head off at me if she is in bed before me or I come back from the toilet at night. She would just tell him to shut and do nothing.

This among other things really got me annoyed as I felt she did not respect me and felt like I was just her friend almost not boyfriend. Also she started to plan for the future saying stuff like every year we will do this without asking me. She also began lead me on in a sexual way, but then just fall asleep or if I asked would say I'm too tired when she started it.

Also she began to attack my family and said to me that they were not being nice and it got so bad that her mum phoned me up and said that her daughter was pressured by them, also that I needed to sort that.

 

 

Okay final part before the stick bit.

She finally got her own flat in the other town she was studying at, but for a week we did not see each other. I felt really good, I could focus on my uni. I also now realise that I have a large amount of doubt about us. I unsure what to think. As I feel a little bit trapped as I helped her find a new degree in this country instead of her own.

 

Then we meet up after a week we have supper then she says ow yeah my period is 2 weeks late. I'm like WTF and I run out and get her the pregnant test. We always are protected.

(sticky part) It turns out she is pregnant. I'm in shock as well we have had sex only in a blue moon. So I act in a shocked way and say we are too young.

For the first 2 days I'm shocked then I wake up and think it through and dicuss it with her. However at the same time she is on the phone to her parents telling that everything I say. I get an ear full from both of them and the father expects me to marry her and there is no discussion. Her mum says I need to be honest with her about my opinion regardless what it is. I have realise I can not bring a child in to the world at this stage, we have not even had proper jobs or are we financially stable. Also she expects to live off our parents instead of finding jobs I feel trapped now.

Then things start to go bad I tell my parents they are shocked, mum supports me and dads well just in shock. Then my godmother who is visiting says to me that it is possibly if only slightly that I might get cut off. As my gf influence has not been good on me towards my family.

I tell my gf this to be honest to her. THEN the bomb goes off. Her mum phones me and calls me a "weak willed person" who "blackmails her daughter" by scaring her with being cut off. She also calls me other foul stuff. I am at a loss as, my gf does not defend me or anything she says " I'm too tired to fight for you" when she knows I never wanted to influence her. I was just being open with her.

She then gives me an Choice, ether be with her for ever or get our. I'm shocked by her attitude! I talk to my friend and I decide I need to think it out. As the pregnancy and everything is big and now her attitude. I go home and think about it.

But I know I no longer love her and everything has added up. I talk to her the next day and say we need to break up as it is not going to work out between us. She flips on me calls me cold heart, and that I have pulled the rug from under her feet. When she knew we were having problems.

I told that I would support her whatever decision she made, but she says to me I just want to make sure she gets rid of it.

I phone her the next day and I want to talk again to sort things out. She says Don't talk to me unless you've changed your mind.

So my question is was I wrong to break up with her. I know the timing was bad! I feel bad for it but I cannot lie to her about it. I'm not an actor if I feel bad I tell her, but that I could not lie about us and stay with her. Not after the way she has acted, not even when I felt trapped.

We have not spoken since and I feel I should wait for her to get in contact with me. But I do want to properly explain why we had to break up. It was not right, but I do not want to hurt her. Also minor stuff I need to give her clothes and stuff that she left in my flat.

Am I a bad person for doing what I did?

[Calico]

I'm not dealing in labels like "good" and "bad", but if you are the dumper, you should be the one making contact. We generally tell dumpees here that the contact must be made by the dumper, not by them.

[guyisnew]

Thank you for responding. Yes I have tried to contact her to A discuss a few things out and B try to give her items back to her.

Although she has not responded. I do not want to force her or anything.

Now I'm actually starting to feel regret for the break up. However I am unsure if this just the first stage or if it is deep from my heart.