Sameold Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 I just got axed after 3 months as the girl I was dating had issues about being in a relationship. She is clearly a very complicated person and whilst I just wanted to keep having fun and go for a natural progression through the dating stage onwards she called me and said he doesn't feel she can think about a relationship and stuff. It feels very odd, we have had a great time and she has been very open with me about some very personal issues, I thought good progress was being made. But yeh, I'll prob text her in few days, I made sure I was polite etc on phone and not desperate but it has really got me down. We were dating since July. I would have happily been her bf but why did she bother seeing me so much, even meeting my friends and parents recently to then just have a big freak out and cut it all? How do you get over that line, it is wierd and now it feels my chance with this girl is gone as i bet she wont get back in touch.
Author Sameold Posted October 23, 2012 Author Posted October 23, 2012 Any advice on what to do here to get back to dating? We were having a great time and it just feels like she freaked out cus we were developing in to something
sweetkiwi Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 she did freak out. Let her go. Look for emotionally available women. Ones that want to be in a relationship with you. Rent the movie "he's just not that into you" and just reverse the roles. Seriously. Its all common sense. People just don't want to admit it. 1
veggirl Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 What do you mean she is a "complicated person"? Anyway, after 3 months she is just not into it if she doesn't want to be your girlfriend. I'd move on.
Author Sameold Posted October 23, 2012 Author Posted October 23, 2012 well she's complicated in the sense that before I even dated her she was introduced to me as "hating men" and her best friend told mine that she struggles to let anyone close to her. She has been cheated on in the past but her last relationship was 18 months ago now and she ended it. Also a while ago her parents broke up due to her Dad cheating on her Mum and she lives with her Mum now having moved back home to support her. It is complicated because even during our tirme together she said she was "scared" at where we might be going and where we might be further down the line. Plus it is confusing as only this weekend she decided to come out and meet my friends etc at her friends bfs (my best mates) birthday. She didn't have to come at all and she kissed me as she said bye. Also confusing is that all the dating has been very balanced, she has happily came over to mine and had some flirting and fooling around(nothing too sexual) on my bed and if I didn't ring her she would nearly always ring me to ask about my day. I don't know what to do now, maybe she was worrying as next month we had started to make plans to go away for the weekend and maybe that panicked her. I think I handled the conversation well on Sunday and we havn't spoke since so maybe I'll wait a day more and send her a casual text with my closing thoughts, just putting my view. Then I think I have to leave it up to her and move on. Sound like a plan?
InJest Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 You dated this girl for 3 months, introduced her to friend/family, and you never even slept with her. There's your answer right there. You were a friend and showed too much 'respect'. Most girls will see you more of a mouse than a man, if you don't at least make a move to push things sexually. It's perceived as a lack of confidence. Even if she says she wants to wait longer, they still want to know the interest is there. This girl is not complicated. You were too available, and too into feelings and sappy ****, and she just lost interest.
Author Sameold Posted October 23, 2012 Author Posted October 23, 2012 sigh....Injest that is not what I meant at all. I did try it on, infact I slid my hands down her trousers and would grab her arse and say I really wanted her etc but she would say "I'm not the kind of girl that just has sex after a few dates" etc etc. Also she met my parents briefly as she walked through my house and said hello etc. She knows I wanted her and we were planning on going away for the weekend next month when we would have finally had some time alone. Moreover she also used to say she thought I was "playing it cool" with her etc in that I never text back straight away etc. She knew exactlly what I wanted but I think she just looked further ahead to a relationship that might developed if we continued on our route and ran off. Do you guys think I should drop her a text, I havn't done any chasing/persuading or anything. I was thinking of one text to was I like her and want to see her with no expectations moving forward on what might happen. Which is true, just want to have fun with her at the moment.
InJest Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 Say whatever you want, but the way you come off is like kind of a wuss. You were furthering the relationship, without any sign that she wanted to. You're introducing a girl to your parents that you haven't even had sex with. When she shut you down, you should have backed off of her really hard, not push forward. If a girl is really interested, she'll want to **** you long before 3 months. A very small percentage have a genuine interest and want to wait longer, but they will generally let you know in other ways. It sounds like this girl only gave you reasons to doubt how much she likes you, yet you took "being scared", as her liking you too much or something. Anyway, you should really up your timetable for sex, and that weeds out a lot of time wasters. You don't have to only go for sex, but if it doesn't come within a month or so, you can bet there is a low interest and you should back off, until it happens. You should also be seeing other women, so you're not so invested in one. A lot of people don't agree or think I'm an ******* or whatever, but I get what I want and I certainly am never in your shoes anymore. Do not contact her. If she does contact you, invite her to your house for a movie. If she accepts, put the moves on her, and if she's doesn't want to have sex, stop everything and ask her to leave. 1
veggirl Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 Okay she is effed up and not interested. No you should not text her. In the future, I'd probably avoid the drama queens who hate men. You shouldn't text her because you will be sucked back in to this mess.
carhill Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 Usually that kind of line and a 'poof' comes from another option being exercised or prioritized to your exclusion.
Author Sameold Posted October 23, 2012 Author Posted October 23, 2012 I appreciate your advice guys: Injest - it isn't always quite that simple. At the moment I am back home with my parents on a secondment with work and she lives in a small house with hers. I was trying to plan a night away for us. She knew I wanted it. For all I know sex is something she is hung up on now after being screwed over in the past. Plus she has been single for a long time now and as her friend told my mate she doesn't just get with guys. Infact I once made a joke about her having a one night stand at Uni and she got a bit offended. I think ultimately I can see this isn't going to go anywhere far as whatever the issues she is as we say in Britain, a "head ****". I will send her a text stating that I was enjoying our time together and just want to have fun. Then I've just got to leave it up to her and if she never gets back in touch then as the last poster said just understand she is one complicated gal who I'm probably best to stear clear of.
Author Sameold Posted October 23, 2012 Author Posted October 23, 2012 Usually that kind of line and a 'poof' comes from another option being exercised or prioritized to your exclusion. Find that hard to believe because Friday night she was with me and my friends in my home town and then Sunday we spoke. Don't see how she would go to such effort if anything else was going on. Plus she talked about making it exclusive etc in the sense we had agreed not to date others. Seriously don't think anyone else came along, we were just having fun, there was no mundane crap that she swapped for excitement. I do believe that sometimes people get cold feet and let any doubts they have rise to the surface. We were probably at a point where in a month or so we would be being seen more a bf and gf, friends were asking etc and she probably thought better to pull the plug rather than continue.
carhill Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 "before I even dated her she was introduced to me as "hating men" and her best friend told mine that she struggles to let anyone close to her." "She didn't have to come at all and she kissed me as she said bye." Canary seen choking
todreaminblue Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 Any advice on what to do here to get back to dating? We were having a great time and it just feels like she freaked out cus we were developing in to something Running scared at the thought of a relationship means she wasnt ready at this point in time......doesn't mean she mightn't be in the future, if you two were getting close and you really like her it might be worth the wait for you......i have intimacy issues but as far as running goes i took some time to myself and have been working through the issues i have.seeing a counsellor next week actually to deal with a past i struggle with..i wouldnt seriously date someone unless a relationship was in the foreseeable future because i have high values and i am sympathetic to hurting others..dating is a struggle for me....smilin.....your friend has issues maybe unsolved ones and isnt aware of what she really needs and is scared of what she needs of being let down is a guess..... can cause the nikes to come out.....i wish you well and hope it works out for you.....deb
carhill Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 'I'm complicated that way' 'I'm not ready for a relationship' 'I'm not that kind of girl' Add........ 'with you'. Stick with it long enough and you'll get: 'You're really special' 'I wish more men were like you' 'I never had a brother' 1
olivec Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 sigh....Injest that is not what I meant at all. I did try it on, infact I slid my hands down her trousers and would grab her arse and say I really wanted her etc but she would say "I'm not the kind of girl that just has sex after a few dates" etc etc. Also she met my parents briefly as she walked through my house and said hello etc. She knows I wanted her and we were planning on going away for the weekend next month when we would have finally had some time alone. Moreover she also used to say she thought I was "playing it cool" with her etc in that I never text back straight away etc. She knew exactlly what I wanted but I think she just looked further ahead to a relationship that might developed if we continued on our route and ran off. Do you guys think I should drop her a text, I havn't done any chasing/persuading or anything. I was thinking of one text to was I like her and want to see her with no expectations moving forward on what might happen. Which is true, just want to have fun with her at the moment. I dont know man . I was dating this girl for about a month everything was good until a few weeks ago and it was over. Sometimes you cant worry about it and move on. More than likely thats what your gunna have to do. If she contacts you then you might still have a chance. If she doesnt contact you in a week or so then you have to delete her.
Author Sameold Posted October 23, 2012 Author Posted October 23, 2012 Carhill I don't understand why you are trying to make out I have no testicles and she never felt anything sexually about me. I've never been her friend and on ocassions she has even pointed out my "alpha" behaviour, my interest in football and other stupid stuff, though I'm not in to all that BS surrounding what "makes a man". I've also stood up for points of view against her and she has called me annoying and things, I don't just bow down to her.... I will message her in next few days and just be clear and concise, no wishy washy rubbish and no emotional blah blah. Then if I hear no positive noises I'll can it and move on. Thank you all! 1
olivec Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 Carhill I don't understand why you are trying to make out I have no testicles and she never felt anything sexually about me. I've never been her friend and on ocassions she has even pointed out my "alpha" behaviour, my interest in football and other stupid stuff, though I'm not in to all that BS surrounding what "makes a man". I've also stood up for points of view against her and she has called me annoying and things, I don't just bow down to her.... I will message her in next few days and just be clear and concise, no wishy washy rubbish and no emotional blah blah. Then if I hear no positive noises I'll can it and move on. Thank you all! exactly your doing the right thing. i did contact the last girl and she finally txt me back saying she wanted to be friends. i deleted her after that. i refuse to be a fall back guy.
Author Sameold Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 Hi olivtec, if this girl did want to be friends I would f delete her as she's no ex, just someone I've been dating over last 3 months. However after I send this text I'm just going to leave it there. It is hard seeing this girl just can the good time we were having but if she's too immature to just enjoy herself without worrying about labels or she is too flaky then ill have to move onwards. Ill never understand why some girls will happily go so far down the line with you and then turn all wierd when you've not even pressured them.
olivec Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Hi olivtec, if this girl did want to be friends I would f delete her as she's no ex, just someone I've been dating over last 3 months. However after I send this text I'm just going to leave it there. It is hard seeing this girl just can the good time we were having but if she's too immature to just enjoy herself without worrying about labels or she is too flaky then ill have to move onwards. Ill never understand why some girls will happily go so far down the line with you and then turn all wierd when you've not even pressured them. I know i was dating my girl for a month then she got really judgemental on me the last time we hung out. after that didnt hear from her in a week. and when i finally did i got the "your a great guy but i think we should be friends speach which is complete bs. i simply think she found someone in her mind better than me because ofcourse we werent exclusive. but yeah sometimes you need that closure to finish it for ya. once i delete i never look back.
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