Ginaa Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 so..where to begin. I went into a long distance with a guy in Germany and I live in England. We met on a school exchange. He had liked me way before we had entered the relationship, like almost a year before when I was dating this other guy. We started off being best friends helping eachother with our problems,but there were 2 occasions when he'd tell me how he felt, but I could never relate to him,as I was always in this other relationship. Then this other relationship started to fall to pieces and as a best friend does, he tried to help me. This is when i started to have feelings for him. When things ended with this other guy, the feelings became even stronger that we couldnt just say we were friends. So we decided to try the whole long distance thing. We "officially" dated for 3 months, and it was near to perfect. I had never felt anything quite like it, even though we were so far apart. He told me things like, what he was feeling now, were the strongest feelings he had ever felt for a girl.He even said he was able to wait to have sex before marriage, because that is what I believe in and he respected it^^. We had planned to meet up at christmas as my family where conveniently going to visit my family in Hamburg , Germamy. He however lived in Freiburg , Germany which was 6 hours away by train. My auntie agrreed to let him cotch in her house for a few days,and he thought he would have the money from his job to travel up north, but sadly in the end we planned everything to late and he did not have sufficient funds to make it :/. After new years is where everything went wrong. A few days into the new year, after I had come back from Germany,he broke up with me, but not in any clear manor at all. He said he felt something was wrong between us, he didnt feel the closeness that he needed and he didnt want to hurt me, because there was a physical distance between us. He only wanted me to be happy. I took this like you should and tried to get over him, the only problem was I had booked myself up for another exchange trip to Freiburg where he lived in March. I did not understand how he could break up before I was due to come to his home town.?? The months passed and I arrived in Freiburg,not really knowing what to await. I had told him a week before that I was coming and that it would be nice to say Hi. ( Oh yes flashback to before, I had sent him his christamas present but his had never arrived in the post..) He said he would give it to me when I came to Freiburg. The next day I entered his school and stood around talking to friends, when I got a tap on my shoulder, and it was him. The first thing,he said to me, Ive forgotton how small you were?!.ha. Thanks. Anways,it was awkward at first,we just asked how eachother was, but then he had to go to class. I then met a friend of his, who told me that she was to say only bad things about him to me, so I would come to hate him, and get over him easier. Was this his true motive all along, to make me hate him and move on, rather than making me feel unhappy in a long distance??? After school I bumped into him in the near by shop and he told me that he couldnt concentrate in class, because he had seen me in the morning. Later that I day I got a text from him saying, he was sorry I was being awkward, but its because I am still not over this. How can he say that to me?! Then my exchange partner got angry at him , for not replying to some of my texts. He said that he had, had no credit anymore because he was sending texts to an english mobile. I didnt want to waste my time anymore,and just thought he was bull****ting, so I got my exchange partner to tell him I wasnt speaking to him anymore and she had a go at him. The next day I went into school, and at break time, he came up to me, and asked if we could meet up later in the day to catch up. I thought okay this cant harm. He texted me later that he couldnt make it because he had to help his brother move house..does that seem plausible? but then he changed his mind and said he was able to come just at a later date. We did then meet and we walked around the city and had a nice long chat for hours about everything. He became really sweet and offered me his jacket when I got cold. He then offered to take me to this lake,and we travelled there. Then we started to become closer, we played like children together and he told me that he wanted me to be happy and asked if it was okay that we were still friends. I numbly agreed. On the tram on the way back to the city, he asked me if he could spend these last moments in my arms. I agreed and we just sat there , his arm around me and holding hands. Then we got off,the tram and he said he would miss me, and told me you know we havnt actually kissed yet, and then we went in to kiss eachother. Then all I know is Ive never felt sparks fly more than I did then. He became so sweet and swang me around in his arms. Once stopping to say, Gina..what are we doing, but we both laughed and carried on. Im not sure about the next part, but Im sure I heard him say..maybe we can find a way Gina. The worst part was then letting go, and I literally cried all the way home. The next day I was leaving, and I couldnt bear it anymore and I asked him what the kiss meant to him, and he honestly answered me saying that he didnt know what it meant, but it didnt mean so much to him that he would change his mind on the hard decision that he had made. He said he needed time to figure out what he was feeling.He also mentioned that, people kiss even if they're not in a relationship and that sadly he see's this alot. He said that it was just a kiss... I then arrived back in England with a confused mind like never before. I didnt know whether to move on , or wait with hope. One day I couldnt bear it anymore and I literally poured my heart out to him, asking for answers. He told me that he didnt want to hurt me, and he didnt know what he could do to make me happier.The kiss for him, was a kiss when he was unable to think strait. Then however because I still wasnt clear on the reasons of the break, I asked him and he said he already said it was because of distance and all, but what he really didnt feel for me was love. This puzzeled me sooo much. Was he trying to make me hate him, so I could get over him?? or is that just me trying to find hope. Or was the whole things just a deciet. I again decided to try and get over him. This never really worked, because he wrote to me a month later or so, saying that he was sorry, it had taken him so long to have the balls to speak to me again. He then apologised for everything??! He then also went on to explain that he was seeing a Therapist to help him to forget about the past and focus on the future? now what does that mean?! Then I asked him how he was an all, and he said he loved to express himself by working and learning it was away to distract himself from thinking. Then I started getting pissed off that he could just come and speak to me like this, after all he's done. Therefore I asked, you said your sorry and you wanted to know how I was, did you get what you wanted? He said I dont know.. you know me..im always confused. He said he mind was confused and I asked what was wrong?. He said right now he cant really exactly say all that he is thinking cause it wouldnt make sense.He said he would speak to be when he has a clear mind. A few weeks went by, and then I asked him , are you clear minded now? He trys to change the topic and suddenly mentions that he needs to get some sleep, no matter what "annable" wants from him he will go to bed.He said that he was cleaning up a friends mess, and that it was kinda his mess aswell?? The weirdest thing came next. He started saying he would explain in a minute..after he got the reaction from a person he was writing to. Then he ended the conversation and never came back, saying "no, no,no,no , OH, ****tt" After that I got pretty angry at him ,and he must have blocked me or something, because I never saw when he was online anymore. Then in the summer holidays I went to Germany in Hamburg again,and I got a message from his friend . It was him through his friends account,asking me if my overdue christamas present had arrived. I say no, i dont know because Im in Germany. His friend then says he will tell him that. It never arrived..? He says later that he had a false address again. HOW? Then It got to winter and we hadnt spoken in a long time,and I was starting to miss it. I crazily sent him a message going, hey do you want to be best friends again. I miss how we used to talk and Ive forgiven you for everything. He came back to me saying that I still know how to suprise him we then talked about how we were, and he mentioned the name i used to call him at one point. which seemed pretty nostaligic . I then told him the grand news that I was planning to spend a year in Freiburg University for my year abroad, from and English uni. He seemed pretty astonished. Then after a week or so, he spoke to be again, asking when I was coming?. FINALLY FINISHED. I need help figuring out exactly what this guy wants from me?? Does he really love me , but not want to hurt me because of the distance, or does he really have no feelings anymore ? I have yet to tell him, I want to go to Freiburg university, for 4 years.
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