AnchorGurl Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Everyone thinks facebook is lame until you get in a relationship where you really care about someone and then it becomes a little more important. I have been dating a man for 7 months now and things are wonderful. The only concern I have right now is facebook which sounds dumb but let me explain. A few months back I asked him a bit tongue in cheek if he was going to change his status and he said .."of course if it's that important to you I will"..well..he never did and I kinda ignored it since it is social media and in my mind I let it go. Last night I asked him again if he was going to change his status and he said.."yes of course if it's that important to you I will"....well I woke up this morning and he has not. Maybe he just forgot or maybe it's something more. He is the type of man who does things he says he will. His friends seem to all know about me but we live in the age of social media and I would be lying if I said I haven't been thinking about it all day. Question--should I bring this up to him..or let it go... I have been in relationships before where I was cheated on and a man was cheating on me through facebook so while it may seem dumb for many of you reading this--it does give me a slight red flag...thoughts?
Ami1uwant Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Maybe he will just defriend you on FB? I will not play those silly games on Facebook. It is what you have in real life that you need to focus on.
River Rain Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Well, FB is dumb. But to answer your question, if it really is that important to you, why don't you just ask him why he hasn't changed it yet (since he said twice now he would), instead of repeatedly asking if he's going to change it. 1
Mrlonelyone Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Well 7 months is a really long time. To me a rule of thumb is that after 12 months of solid dating one should really consider getting engaged and/or living together. So FB status shouldn't be a big deal by then. So do this, go on FB and change your status but choose the option of identifying who the RLship is with. He will then have to confirm it and that changes his status. There is no reason that at 7 months he should not affirm that you and him are in a relationship. Just one question, is he a private person who dose not put tons of stuff on FB or he a big FB'er? 2
InJest Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 He said he would change it, if it was important to you. You never said it was important to you, all you did was ask if he's going to. You're being weak and expecting him to do all the work for you. Stop being lazy and change your status, and send him the relationship invitation or whatever the hell it is.
Author AnchorGurl Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Yes he is not a big face-booker whatsoever. He hardly goes on and doesn't update his status often ...I think I will just ask him why tonight when he comes over. I believe in 100% communication...I just find it a little strange that is all.
InJest Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 You are really dense. What is wrong with changing your status and sending him the invite, since you are the one that really wants this? The guy doesn't give a **** about facebook. If you do, then it's on you to take the first step. Stop being lazy and insecure. You say you believe in 100% communication, but you are really full of ****. You expect this guy to read your mind. 1
dasein Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Yes he is not a big face-booker whatsoever. He hardly goes on and doesn't update his status often ...I think I will just ask him why tonight when he comes over. I believe in 100% communication...I just find it a little strange that is all. In light of the above, would just let it go. If he were a FB regular maybe make a deal of it, but would choose your battles in this case, and not choose this one. Personally, as a casual user, would never change my FB status unless I got married, no matter how long I had dated someone. Many guys I know feel advertising their dating lives on FB the way lots of people do is no one's business. If I got pressure from a woman to change it, would feel... pressure, which is not good.
Author AnchorGurl Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Thanks for all the advice. Yes he is not a big facebook guy however when he said he would and he's usually a man of his word ..I find it odd that he did not...Also in his last relationship (per facebook) he changed it..so he is obviously capable of doing it.. maybe just not with me. I know this all sounds kinda silly..but having trust issue and being burned before makes me a bit scared.
dasein Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Though you know he changed it before, you may not know the circumstances why he did. Did he do it at her request and feel silly when he had to change it back when they broke up? Did he get a bunch of solicitous PMs when he changed it? "Awww what happened to you two?? Are you OK?" Such may have left a sour taste in his mouth about FB relationship advertising. No way to know unless you quiz him, which I don't advise. Try to gauge his interest in how he treats you in your relationship and whether he wants you to be more and more involved in his life over time than superficial things like FB status.
InJest Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Thanks for all the advice. Yes he is not a big facebook guy however when he said he would and he's usually a man of his word ..I find it odd that he did not.. He said he would if it's important to you. You never said it's important to you. Seems like you just want to ignore the logical answer. Sounds to me like you're a drama queen, and that's probably why your last b/f cheated on you.
Author AnchorGurl Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 I am not a drama queen in the slightest..of course i told him it was important to me. Obviously that is what our conversation was about. I said.."it would mean a lot to me if you changed it" so many people use this forum just to be rude and not supportive 2
InJest Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 You didn't say that before. I still think you're being a lazy, drama queen for not taking the first step since YOU are the one pushing for it. What you are doing is like me saying,"Let's hike up this 100 foot cliff and jump into the water." Then you reluctantly agree, and when we get up there, I beg you to jump first. You are most certainly being a drama queen.
Arabella Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 My boyfriend was also somewhat hesitant to do this. He claimed that it was because he was a private person, didn't want to attract attention to himself, rarely went on FB, etc... To me, it felt like he might be on the fence about being with me, so he didn't want others to know quite yet. Or that there might be potential love interests and he didn't want them to find out about me. I explained my point of view to him and he agreed to change it... then we did it together when we were at the computer browsing the Internet. If you want something, you're going to have to do it yourself. Flat out ask him why won't he change it and explain how it makes you feel. If he agrees to change it again, then just go to the computer and do it together. Don't expect him to remember later and then get your feelings hurt if he doesn't. Take matters into your own hands. -A 1
liquid_amber Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 my bf and i have been together for almost 7 months and we're not even friends on Facebook. i sometimes joke with him that he doesn't want me as a FB friend, but i try not to let it bother me. he doesn't spend much time on FB, but i am on there all the time. we have several FB friends in common. i'm honestly not too worried about it. i trust him, and i figure there are bigger things to worry about than FB. it's easier this way. if we were FB friends, then i'd have to worry about the whole relationship status thing. it would add stress to our relationship when there doesn't have to be any. it's only Facebook, after all.
Author AnchorGurl Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Thank u Amber..that makes a lot of sense 1
Mrlonelyone Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Yes he is not a big face-booker whatsoever. He hardly goes on and doesn't update his status often ...I think I will just ask him why tonight when he comes over. I believe in 100% communication...I just find it a little strange that is all. Then he lives life the way people did before social networking sites. If he was a big FB person and IF he was your FB friend then you should worry. Since he isn't it's not a big deal.
vanek26 Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 As a guy, this jumps out a sa huge read flag. Let me explain, OP. Facebook is a great way to discreetly talk to new women and have it remain completely seperate from your real life. It's very shady that this guy won't declare to the sea of single women on facebook that he is seeing someone. Sorry, but the whole 'i am a private person and don't want people knowing my business' really seems like a horrible excuse. What seems more likely is 'I don't want to diminish my chances of hooking up with someone new because they can plainly see that I have a girlfriend' The fact that you brought it up twice and he 1. belittled you by saying 'oh if it's that important to you I'll do it' and 2. didn't actually change it really adds fuel to the fire. It's also sad that after being with this guy for a significant amount of time, you need to resort to this website for advice because you lack the courage to call him out on it straight up.
Carenth Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 (edited) What a sad age we live in where the validity for ones relationship is based on a stupid website like facebook. I'm a very casual user of facebook at best only use it to keep in contact with friends who don't know how to communicate through any other medium. I would never willingly change my facebook relationship, never have even when I have been in relationships. I've been in a relationship for the last year and haven't changed it my girlfriend and I don't even talk on FB because that's all it is FB a stupid pointless website. If you are basing the success of your relationship off a vapid, narcissistic and self absorbed cesspool that is facebook. I think you have bigger issues then. Maybe he doesn't want to have to deal with the subsequent "oooh la la messages" that always accompany a "relationship update". Or the "I'm so sorry what happened" messages when you guys break up. Or maybe it's no ones ****ing business who he is with and he doesn't want too or frankly have too advertise it to the world. I agree with the others here that you are the one pushing it so if you really want it that bad you do it, don't dump it on him and then wonder "why oh why" when it was you hounding for it in the first place. Edited October 22, 2012 by Carenth 3
vanek26 Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 To everyone posting these condescending 'facebook is stupid anyways, who cares?' narratives, try and put this in perspective. The OP has approached her boyfriend of 7 months twice asking him to tell the Facebook world that they are together, and he has blown off her request. This comes despite him being the type of guy who apparently always does what he says he's going to do. If he really didn't care about Facebook, you'd think it would be no big deal for him to change his relationship status. But if he uses Facebook to talk to other girls, then it would be quite detrimental to him. Turns out, the OP made a post about a month ago because she was concerned with a 'trashy' girl who was friends with her boyfriend on Facebook and apparently they had been texting. What does that tell you?
Carenth Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 To everyone posting these condescending 'facebook is stupid anyways, who cares?' narratives, try and put this in perspective. The OP has approached her boyfriend of 7 months twice asking him to tell the Facebook world that they are together, and he has blown off her request. This comes despite him being the type of guy who apparently always does what he says he's going to do. If he really didn't care about Facebook, you'd think it would be no big deal for him to change his relationship status. But if he uses Facebook to talk to other girls, then it would be quite detrimental to him. Turns out, the OP made a post about a month ago because she was concerned with a 'trashy' girl who was friends with her boyfriend on Facebook and apparently they had been texting. What does that tell you? Tells me that the OP is probably insecure as hell and still doesn't explain why she couldn't just send a request via facebook if it is that much of an issue. IMO storm in a teacup problem. Answer is staring OP in the face, no action taken. 1
vanek26 Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 Tells me that the OP is probably insecure as hell and still doesn't explain why she couldn't just send a request via facebook if it is that much of an issue. IMO storm in a teacup problem. Answer is staring OP in the face, no action taken. I agree with you there. 1
Mrlonelyone Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 Ya'll have a point. The OP needs to be more proactive, not worry about the female role (whereby she is approached and does the rejecting) and ask him to change it. If he won't accept her request and this really matters to her, then she's got thinking to do.
Carenth Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 Sorry if I seemed a bit harsh as well, I have enough female friends who get themselves into tiffs about "dilemmas" like this where they present what they want without directly asking for it. Then get bent out of shape when nothing happens. When they themselves have the power to change the situation by been direct and proactive themselves. As Mr.Lonelyone said I often get back the "but it's the mans job to do that blah blah, I've never had to do anything because guys always do that in the past". That's all well and good, but when you are getting worked up over something that you could easily rectify if you changed the (way outdated) status quo and empower yourself, yes there is the risk of *gasp* rejection. At least you will have an answer one way or the other. Or you could just remain miserable with the non-issue eating away at you.
tori0001 Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 It's pretty sad how people have come to this point in life where are personal lives have to be announced on a social networking site within everything we do. God forbid if in a relationship and it's not announced it causes drama within the relationship. So many people are falling into this trap where you're announcing your personal life to the world. Myself, thank God I only use FB for animal rescue. There is nothing personal of me on there, except pics of my 2 fur babies, and pics of trips I've taken them on. I will never have a relationship statues on FB, and never have pics of any person I date. The guy I'm dating now doesn't have a FB. It ruins lives.
Recommended Posts