hannah0x Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Hello everyone! I really need some advice... A little bit about me for some background: I'm 22, extremely mature and outgoing, have a well paid career and have just bought my own house which I am very proud of. I have a large group of friends and am what you would call a 'relationship person' as I have rarely been single for more than a few months. I split up from my boyfriend of 1 year 7 weeks ago (we also lived together) 4 weeks ago, I got speaking to a guy and after a few dates and getting on with him extremely well he asked me to be in a relationship with me on Saturday night (I was very drunk/so was he).. I woke up the next morning having no memory of this until he told me and asked me again incase I hadn't meant it, however I said I did want to be with him (I think I might have been still drunk) The problem is, I don't think I am completely over my ex and there is also the slight issue of my new boyfriend being 35 (13 years older than me) separated (for over 12 months) AND he has 2 young children. What do I do?? I want to be with him, and the age difference isn't really relevent at the moment as he doesn't look a day over 25 and I usually get mistaken for my late 20's and having own my own property and a successful career, I do not act my age. The only time I've felt the age difference was yesterday when his ex-wife called with the kids on the phone wanting to speak to their Daddy and I was led next to him. I didn't say anything at all, but deep down I didn't know who to act/feel and it made me feel slightly awkward. It really brought it home and I realised that they would always be his number 1 priority (as they should be). He really is lovely and I like him an awful lot, I'm just not sure what to do and need to make a decision quick as he is saying a lot of 'deep' things like... He's never felt so strongly about anyone so quickly... He's had some bad times recently and I'm finally making him happy... He's also been talking about plans for our birthdays in April next year...!! Any advice would be much appreciated it, I can't speak to my friends as we all share the same group... Sorry for babbling
veggirl Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Nnnoooo no no no. first of all, you are just rebounding. You need to get over your ex before you start jumping into new things. Second of all, he is not even divorced!!! Do NOT date a guy who is merely separated, why isn't he divorced yet? I wouldn't touch that with a 10 foot pole. At your age, children should be a dealbreaker as well imo. I'm 7 yrs older than you, and they are a dealbreaker for me lol.
Toby Flenderson Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I have my own beliefs with age differences, but I'm not going to preach about those. That should be up to you two to discuss whether or not it'll work. But, the best thing to do with someone you like is to be honest. I'm hoping he knows about the recent breakup, and just tell him that you need a little time before getting super serious. Boyfriend/girlfriend thing is fine, but should be as far as it goes. Think about it, would you rather be misled (and I'm not saying that in any offensive way, I don't mean it like you're lying to him, just going along with something when you have doubt) or to be told that the guy you're with is adjusting to the transition of not being with someone that he's been with for a year. I mean, make sure it's clear to him that you're not doubting the feelings you have for him, you're just not quite ready to advance deep into a relationship yet. And whatever you do, make sure you're 100% happy. That's what matters.
mammasita Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I agree with the not being divorced thing. I say don't do it. Keep seeing him if you like, but I think the fact that he has 2 kids might become too much down the road. Side note, and nothing to do with this situation, but Im curious: Did your ex live in the house that you bought?
rubberduck Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 You seem to have a very sensible outlook I'm pretty much with toby 100%.. has new guy been in a relationship since his seperation? x
Ami1uwant Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 He isn't divorced yet and I wonder if you aren't his midlife crisis drug....( btw can I have some? ).
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