Do I still love him?

[SpiderLove]

So, there's a guy I've had the hugest crush on since I was very young. My crush on him was so huge that I can hardly consider other "crushes" as actual "crushes". I was (and still this day) a loner, and he has always seemed popular. So, he rarely seemed to ever notice me and I'd be terribly nervous when ever his existence was presence to my knowledge.

 

So, any who, finally when we were 16 we finally began to talk (just as friends). But even though we were kinda opposite we clicked; we just got each other. We filled in each other's empty holes that others couldn't. He'd tell me things he'd never admit to others and he'd make me feel special just the way I am. I mean, no one completely understood me like he did. No one seemed to want me like he did.

 

Like, this guy was the complete package for me; he was unique, very smart, he sorta resembles Ryan Gosling (very handsome) (but with red hair and pretty honey eyes), he was very protective, very down to earth and blunt (some might say he was mean), but very sweet, also veryyyy brave (he'd do crazy risky things that'd scare the crap out of me), a bit rough looking, biker, athletic, and he didn't care what others thought of him, very confident. I mean the list goes on. On top of his awesomeness, he was my best friend and he made me feel whole. (But that's want's it like when anyone fall in love everything about the person is perfect)

 

So, I mean, how could I NOT be head-over-heels in love with him?

 

After some time we ended up together then after some years we ended up engaged (he was my soul mate). But, my family seemed to be suspicious of him. Even my friends would begin to tell me things about him. I simply told them to leave him alone because they didn't know him like I did, but then they start to claim how they were trying to 'protect me'. I didn't know what or who to believe, I knew my best friend/fiance attracted many women besides myself, some of them seemed wayy more beautiful than me. But I also knew he wouldn't do anything disloyal to me, that he still loved me, I trusted him more than most people.

 

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So, long story short, things began to spiral into a dark and confused tunnel, I didn't know who believe anymore, my parents thought I could do better. We began to fight about things. We were like totally different people now and I felt like he had no more feelings for me anymore.

 

It has been like 9 months since our separation. We stopped talking to each other. For 7 months I've been depressed (like cried almost every single night for 6 months straight). Finally, I felt that I should try to get over him, I was sure he had no more feelings for me so it would do him a favor to get over him. He temporarily left my mind and I was finally at peace once I met another guy. But once this new guy and I didn't kick it off (which was fine for the both of us) I began to think about the my ex-best-friend/fiance again.

 

This is where I am now. Not certain if I still love him, or is it obsession? & after all this time when I felt like he could be with any girl he wants I find out that he still has feelings for me. Why?? I don't even know if I can get back with him because I feel like I will turn my friends and family down. But they don't know what I feel, they don't see him like I see him. I think I've always been in love with him, I think that I still am. But I hurt him and I cry because I hate myself for that. I turned him down after he's given me everything I've ever wanted. Even if he may love me, I don't know if that means he wants to be with me. When two people love each other shouldn't they be together? Even if there's someone else better in the world, why cant I just love him? And trying to talk to him about this will not work, because one we aren't even talking even though I feel that we're at good terms. And two, he'd hardly wants to discuss things like this. It's just confusing, and I do not want to get other him, but I feel myself being a little scared when I think about being in love with him.

 

Sorry for the long sorta rant, but I'm feel stuck a little. I 'm not sure if I should move on with my life and leave him behind, I mean what if I miss a lifetime opportunity? What if I regret it?

Edited October 22, 2012 by SpiderLove

[pteromom]

I guess the question here is WHY do your parents and friends dislike him? There must be something they are seeing in him that causes them to feel they need to protect you.

 

Do they have reason to feel this way? If not, why do you think they do?

 

Forget your emotions for a moment and look at it logically...

 

From a logical standpoint...

 

- is this guy mentally healthy and capable of a loving relationship?

- is he making good choices in his life?

- does he treat you with respect and love and kindness at all times?

- is he trustworthy?

 

If the answer to these questions are all YES, then if he wants to be with you and you want to be with him, go for it. You can't live your life to please others.

 

But - if the answer to any of the questions is NO, then you have to ask yourself why you are willing to settle for less than you deserve, and you have work to do on yourself before you are ready for a relationship.

[SpiderLove]

Well, my parents do not DISLIKE him. They actually respect him, but they feel like I can do better. You see, this guy is blunt, and has a very strong personality. My parents and I are very religious, but so is he. He may have seemed to be tipping a little away from religious at one point and my parents didn't like that. But, he's only human and we all may slip.

 

My friends may dislike him because they think he's not loyal to me or they may have caught him being mean/or 'rude'.

 

But, as far as I know he's mentally healthy, but I can't be too sure. He seems fine on the surface though.

 

Also, we both were in a loving relationship and he was perfect. He has never treated me harshly and has never called me out of my name (even when he was furious with me).

 

As far as I know he's making good choices, has always respected me and even when I hurt him he still reminds me to keep my head high and how awesome I am.

 

I can't remember a single lie he has said to me that I can prove. But everything he says I don't know rather to believe him or not. So no, I don't trust him yet (mainly because he doesn't let me in).

 

It's like everyone will be upset with me if I go for him until he proves himself 'perfect' to their eyes and why should anyone have to do that?

[pteromom]

You can't live your life to please others.

 

If you think he may be the right guy for you, you do not need to justify your choice to anyone else.

 

I would move forward cautiously, and see what happens.

[SpiderLove]

You can't live your life to please others.

 

If you think he may be the right guy for you, you do not need to justify your choice to anyone else.

 

I would move forward cautiously, and see what happens.

 

OK, I'll see what happens. Thank you for your advice!