mikkelha Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 (edited) Hi guys. As you might notice, I am new around here! I'll just introduce myself really quick. My name is Mikkel, I am 18 years old. 4 weeks ago, it ended between me and my ex. I'll just describe the whole story and try to keep it short. We started seing each other back in march, and she was just one of those persons you was able to speak with about anything and feeling really connected with in no time. In august we started going out. She told me, that she was not ready for a relationship yet, as she had been in one non-stop for almost 3-4 years (which ended in december 2011), she turned 17 in september, one year younger than me. Anyways I accepted that, and said that I didn't wanted to rush her, and I didn't wanted her to feel like I was pushing. I made it very clear and made her underskab that it was important to me, so she would understand how big a deal it was, and how much I respected her. We agreed to see how it evolved during time, as we both liked each other very much, and she would not be without me. Time went by, and I was soon to get my very first kiss, yes, the first. We also talked about that, and it was no problem to her, that I had no experience. The 25th august, I kissed her - and a girl, for the very first time. I was at her home to visit her. We were laying and watching a movie in her bed.. Well, we werent really watching the movie, just cuddling, and enjoying each other. I have never been with a girl like that. Anyways, when I were about to take off, it was night, and we stood outside, and I kissed her under the stars. All this was SO new to me, and god I loved it. I loved her! We started seeing each other a lot more, with more kissing and so on. The 22nd september (a month ago), I invited her to the cinema, to watch Ted. I offered her to sleep at my place, and I could take her home the next day. She agreed on that "I would love to", she said. I was having a really good time, and as we were laying and enjoying each other, we started to get much more intimate, we did not have sex, but, you know. The way she let me touch her, and the way she touched me - I had never felt more loved before.. I stopped, and said to her "Sorry, I can't do this.. I am not ready yet.. it would be too fast.." She said that I should not apologize for anything, she respected and understood me. Well, the 24th (the day after), she sent me a text, saying "I don't know about this.. Everything is so chaotic." I knew what she ment by this, because she werent ready, I just hoped that I might had changed that. From here, I started getting really defensive and cold. I cried so much, I couldnt take it. I was at her home to talk with her. I did not beg or anything, or asking her to work things out between us - but I did cry, like a waterfall.. She said the best would be, if we didnt have any contact in sometime, and what did I have to say. This was my first realtionship. I know it was short, and that I have no experience, so how could I know better? When I drove home, I cried and yelled, even though I were alone. It hurted so much. Anyways, 6 days later, she contacted me, to hear how I was doing. As the last thing she said "I miss to have you to talk with" and I said, "I miss to talk to you too.." and she didn't answer. It kinda pissed me off, that she atleast couldnt end the conversation or something, I got confused. I noticed from a week, that she were never online or skype or facebook anymore, even though she was, my friends told me, and I just thought her way of acting were weird, and I got more sad, so I decided to go NC, without telling her at all. I deleted her from facebook, I deleted her number, I deleted the photos, I deleted the conversations, and all that stuff I could. Now it is the 22nd october, and tomorrow, I haven't heard from her in 3 weeks.. I am sorry, this is not really a question or anything, I just had to find a place, where I could let all this out. Do you think I acted wrong in some ways, is she ever going to contact me again? The realtionship was short yes - just a bit more than a month, but it took hard as hell on me, probably more than it should.. I miss her smell, her laugh, her voice. I miss touching her - everywhere, and I miss her touching me. Don't wanna sound gross, but I think you get what I mean. Sometimes, I wonder what I REALLY ment to her? She said that she would not be able to live without me, and I had to promise, that if it ended, I would never leave her, and that we could still have our fantastic friendship. I said I could not promise that, and that made her cry.. Where is that now? I wonder if it hard for her too.. Well, this was my story. Hard to accept the fact that she said several times I did nothing wrong, but that it was her fault.. I just need your opinion on some stuff and some tips.. Did I do the right thing with the no contact thing? Sometimes I wonder that, sometimes i feel like contacting her, but I don't. I wanna stand my ground, and not be something she can play around with - I have feelings too. I know this is a lot, but thanks for reading. Edited October 22, 2012 by mikkelha
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