whatisshethinking Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 My ex and I were together for 3 1/2 years. She did all the normal out of nowhere stuff like picking fights, complaining about the tiny things, being difficult etc for about the last 2 weeks. Turns out, she went out for a work function and somebody kept hitting on her thoughout the night. She gave him her phone number and continued calling and texting and even hanging out with him and all her all of a sudden newfound "friends" that she conveniently met. Two weeks of this went by and she broke up with me, and that night she went out with him. She did all the lying and saying things like "i love you but etc", "i'm going out with my friends" (who never existed in the previous 3.5 years) etc etc. She kept calling me, texting me, showing up on my doorstep, asking me to dinner etc etc to keep me close by. I kept accusing her of seeing someone, she denied it wholeheartedly for the next 2 months. She was always extremely honest and never ever lied or cheated. And I did not want the breakup as we were just talking about marriage. So I gave her the 1% chance of being truthful because she was so convincing which included crying etc. She then showed up with him one day to an event where she knew I would be, Kissed the guy right in front of me (she didn't see me), I blew my top, called her every name in the book, called her a liar etc etc. She still insisted they were just friends on and on. 5 days later she MARRIED this part time job having beach comber (he's 30 btw) just to keep him in the country as his visa was to expire the following day and he was going to have to go back to England. I found that out from another person. That person actually asked her if she was going to call me and tell me that she got married and her response was, "Not after the way he spoke to me!", as if I was the one who did something wrong. This was a year ago, when I got that news I moved out of state and have been here since. I recently had to go home for a funeral and was given some news on her. Believe me, I did not ask. According to her sister and her mother, she is not any happier and is beginning to show more and more signs of the butterflies wearing off. In fact, she doesn't even talk to her mother anymore than she has to. She used to talk to her every day. She hardly shows her face and her 'husband' hasn't been seen in months either. Oh and another fine quote from her was 'We only got married so we could date', which btw was a felony. This was an unbelievably honest person. I had no idea who the he!! this person was and to this day, her own family doesn't recognize her. I have been back there on business a few times in the last year and each time she has conveniently tried to 'bump into' me while there. She caught me the first time where I just said hi and bye, but since then I have always had the feeling that she would do it again. Sure enough, each time she has come looking for me but this time I always made sure I left earlier not giving her the opportunity to 'bump' into me again. Keep in mind, that these are places that she hasn't been in months since we broke up. To conveniently show up on exactly the same dates and times each time is exponentially improbable. I have been out on dates since, but haven't met anybody with any spark etc. So I am still single. The part about this that really really really sucks is that I still miss her despite what she did to me. And I am moving back in the next 2 months for my business. And the part that's even worse than that is that she didn't exactly start looking around simply because of me. I had a very stressful, very very stressful life because of my work schedule. I was working over 100 hours per week for over 3 years. She was bored but I did love her very much, and I think I still do. But I couldn't be there for her because of pending bankruptcy and other contract obligations so my hands were tied until the end of October of last year. So she left because of outside factors causing stress on our RS and it just got to a point where she couldn't take it anymore. Part of me doesn't blame her, I just blame her for how she handled it. I even told her that I don't blame her for breaking up with me. I have very big suspicions that when I move back, she will look for me again because of her doing this each time I have been back. I am no longer in that stressful situation, I am actually in a much better place. I've lost 25 pounds, hit the gym, gotten into pretty good shape, only work 40 hours per week and am now financially stable. I look good. I took care of me and my problems, I have grown from this. But I still hold a place for her in my heart. Am I absolutely nuts for even thinking of the possibility of an RC? When is it an absolute "NO" and when is it a "MAYBE" regarding at least a shot at an RC? Outside forces of my work drove us apart. That is the only reason I would give us another shot if I got one. Otherwise, I wouldn't even think about it.
moveONorStay Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 This is really crazy behavior from her. I couldn't take her back. You shouldn't either.
Ami1uwant Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 You should not take her back, but you should confront her and talk. As part of this onversation of her not to see you gain or contact you again otherwise you tell her you will report the sham marriage which will likely send her to prison. She is finding out about your travels either through facebook or you and her have common friends.
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