julia12 Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Hi guys, I know this question has been asked on here loads of times in one way or another, but any words of wisdom or advice would be really timely. My boyfriend broke up with me a couple of months ago. I have OCD, he blamed a lot of stuff on it, was flirting heavily with someone behind my back I think, and I think he is going out with her now, despite his repeated denials about it all. (This is cutting a long story very short). I was healing quite well until I made the mistake of going on his twitter account - (he said he hardly ever used it) - and there he was, flirting it up with one particular girl (not his now-girlfriend). I know I was a fool to look, but... The whole thing just hurts like crazy, still, I'm stuck in a rut and I need some advice. Julia
River Rain Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Hi guys, I know this question has been asked on here loads of times in one way or another, but any words of wisdom or advice would be really timely. My boyfriend broke up with me a couple of months ago. I have OCD, he blamed a lot of stuff on it, was flirting heavily with someone behind my back I think, and I think he is going out with her now, despite his repeated denials about it all. (This is cutting a long story very short). I was healing quite well until I made the mistake of going on his twitter account - (he said he hardly ever used it) - and there he was, flirting it up with one particular girl (not his now-girlfriend). I know I was a fool to look, but... The whole thing just hurts like crazy, still, I'm stuck in a rut and I need some advice. Julia Since you're back to day one now, you need to go nc and stick to it. Delete all traces of his social media crap accounts (twitter, fb) and don't go back there again. Distract yourself physically and mentally, be as social with other people as you can and take care of your health. That's the best advice I can give.
gonefishin Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Hey.. Hope your ok.. If your like me you probably know all the things you should be doing But couldn't be bothered the way you feel right now! As the previous poster said Keep super busy .. Be it submerge yourself in work or the gym or a new hobby Hook up with old friends you may have lost contact with. But Facebook and twitter is a curse you can interpret and twist every status or pic especially during a break up your thoughts aren't always logical! Stay well away ... If the hobbies or work don't cut it maybe a good box set like a 24 or prison break defo keep your mind occupied ...
Own Worst Enemy Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I'd say it's ok to feel **** because eventually you will have a crisis point and then after that it will get better. I remember with one ex that I took my car for a spin and had to stop because I was crying so hard I was nearly sick. But after that I began to feel better. So do you think you have reached that point? If so you need exciting things in the diary to take your mind off it. I wanted to pretend I didn't exist tonight but my friend took me out and got me drunk and talked a bit of sense to me. It will last until about 3am. Reckon but at least I've had a few hours of feeling ok....
BeautyInTheWorld Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 (edited) Hi guys, I know this question has been asked on here loads of times in one way or another, but any words of wisdom or advice would be really timely. My boyfriend broke up with me a couple of months ago. I have OCD, he blamed a lot of stuff on it, was flirting heavily with someone behind my back I think, and I think he is going out with her now, despite his repeated denials about it all. (This is cutting a long story very short). I was healing quite well until I made the mistake of going on his twitter account - (he said he hardly ever used it) - and there he was, flirting it up with one particular girl (not his now-girlfriend). I know I was a fool to look, but... The whole thing just hurts like crazy, still, I'm stuck in a rut and I need some advice. Julia Juliaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (movie-style slow mo calling of your name) I am in almost the same position as you, except I have depression not OCD and as far as I know, my ex was faithful. Everything else though is spot on. All I can say is this, don't ever feel like it's your fault because you have OCD as I should not feel as though it's my fault due to my depression. Both things may have had an effect on our relationships, but never take full responsibility, for it takes two to tango. I too, feel silly for looking on my ex's Twitter last night, especially since I feel so awful today, it's as if I've gone back in time, back to square 1 of healing. Some things I've found to help me: Books - Read inspirational/self help literature. I've almost finished The Rules of Life by Richard Templar and expect to receive The Bounce Back Book by Karen Salmansohn. Both very cheap on Amazon. Also, Karen's website is awesome. TV - I watched Ugly Betty years ago as a teen and loved it then, watching it again 6 years on, it has brought new meanings that are inspirational. There's a good episode I think you should watch that really helped in the healing process of a break up and it's called Back In Her Place. I'm also watching other TV series to help me "get away" from real life. Film - Watch films that are either funny or have positive messages like Bridesmaids. Socialise - I know a lot of the time you'll want to stay in but really get out there. Meet new people, go on dates even if you don't necessarily like the person. The least you'll get is a new friend and a free dinner Also, try to overwrite old memories you have with your ex with new ones with friends and rekindle old memories with them, by saying "...remember that time..." you'll be spending more time reminiscing about old memories with friends than you are reminiscing about old memories with your ex and it may even inspire your friends and yourself to do something new. Hobby - Take up a new hobby or rekindle an old one. I'm focussing more on writing my blog and sewing. I've also started classes. Cut Out Social Media - Try and minimise your internet presence. It's good for healing as you wont be over-thinking things and sabotaging yourself with misinterpretations but also good for your soul. Lately I've come to realise that I (and many others) have become so obsessed with how our lives appear to others (Instagram, FB, Twitter) that we forget to just live them rather than show them. I'd find myself buying new shoes and wanting to take a photo and showing everyone on Instagram which was also linked to my Twitter and FB. I forgot to just live my life. Also, I find that the more you know about someone via online presence, the less you have to speak to them about. I have all those accounts but I feel as though relying on them so much is a little juvenile of me. Music - Pay more attention to the lyrics of a song. The majority of songs on the radio are to do with love and the majority of them are about break ups and heart break. Pick and choose wisely; those about the greatness of love (although nice) are not good for you right now so change the station. Those about heart break, pay more attention to the lyrics and they'll make you feel better. A good example is the latest song by Ellie Goulding, at one point she repeats "I'll give you everything you need", you feel crap hearing her repeat that...then she screams "But I don't think I need you!" and boom...you feel better. Work - Focus more on your work and improve the quality of your work. Get professional help - If you feel your OCD is having a significantly negative effect on relationships, get help. It took me 6 years for me to wake up and smell the coffee. I am now on a waiting list for CBT which is coincidentally known to help OCD. Message me for more details on this! Sending love and hugs your way fellow UK-er! Edited October 23, 2012 by BeautyInTheWorld
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