InJest Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Yes, I have but my ex is blocked now. I have a HUUUUUGE problem with his ex and he knows it. He obviously does not care, so either dump him, or shut up and deal with it. Those are your only options. 1
Author mauilurve Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 I don't give a **** what my g/f does on Facebook. She does enough to let me know I'm the only one for her, on a daily basis, without me having to set crazy rules or spy on her. If she wants to take a look at her ex's profile, I really don't give a ****. I look at my ex's profile from time to time. We are friends. Not inappropriate friends, but we do have the occasional conversation with each other. I don't know if you can tell, but everyone who has responded agrees that you are being completely irrational, and this guy must be either a really great guy or completely codependent, to put up with your bull****. I know you're a liar, because it's obvious you don't want to break up; you want someone that you can control. No one here is going to indulge your childish need for control or your insecurity, so either break up with him or deal with, but please don't continue wasting our time with this nonsense. You sound very easy going, unfortunately that is not the type of person I am. And as I stated in my previous posts, I have a HUGE problem with his ex, so yes it would be a problem if he looked her profile up. She caused problems for us at the beginning of our relationship and I would be absolutely furious if I found out he looked her up.
River Rain Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I agree, I do see a therapist to *try* and deal with these issues. I have admitted that I spied on him, he knows I do it and he knows I do it frequently. I know it doesn't mean he's cheating, but I'm not ok with it. He knows you spy on him yet he keeps searching for names you're not okay with. You two are playing games at this point, it's so immature. Honestly, break up, get your mind healthy, deal with your issues, then find a healthy relationship. I'm sure you can see all of this yourself, but you're hoping someone will take your side, it's not going to happen though because we see this all very objectively. You're obsessing and he's feeding your obsession...you both need to grow up a little when it comes to being in a relationship.
InJest Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 You sound very easy going, unfortunately that is not the type of person I am. And as I stated in my previous posts, I have a HUGE problem with his ex, so yes it would be a problem if he looked her profile up. She caused problems for us at the beginning of our relationship and I would be absolutely furious if I found out he looked her up. So what will you do if you find out he looked her up, or some other girl? Bitch at him some more? Check his profile more frequently? Why don't you just get rid of facebook altogether if its such a big issue for you? I honestly hope he cheats on you(and you are really pushing him to), just so you realize that you have no control over what someone else does.
Author mauilurve Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 He knows you spy on him yet he keeps searching for names you're not okay with. You two are playing games at this point, it's so immature. Honestly, break up, get your mind healthy, deal with your issues, then find a healthy relationship. I'm sure you can see all of this yourself, but you're hoping someone will take your side, it's not going to happen though because we see this all very objectively. You're obsessing and he's feeding your obsession...you both need to grow up a little when it comes to being in a relationship. I don't know for sure if he's looked up ex's or other girls for that matter, but I'm just assuming. I mean, what else would there be to hide? I don't want to play games. I just want to find a way to get him to admit that he cleared it.
River Rain Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I don't know for sure if he's looked up ex's or other girls for that matter, but I'm just assuming. I mean, what else would there be to hide? I don't want to play games. I just want to find a way to get him to admit that he cleared it. So you're creating all of this drama and distrust based on an assumption. Can you see how immature that is? And how it's only going to destroy your relationship? You want to find a way to get him to admit...have you asked him? If you did, he probably said he's been loyal to you, but you don't believe him right? So it doesn't matter if he tells you the truth or not, you're looking for a lie based on an assumption...it's really a terrible thing you're doing to him and to yourself!
Author mauilurve Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 So what will you do if you find out he looked her up, or some other girl? Bitch at him some more? Check his profile more frequently? Why don't you just get rid of facebook altogether if its such a big issue for you? I honestly hope he cheats on you(and you are really pushing him to), just so you realize that you have no control over what someone else does. Wow, you're very harsh. If he knows the ex tried to break us up why would he search for her? As far as I know she is still blocked on his profile, but I could be wrong...
River Rain Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I declare you "GF of the year." That's a little mean, but funny. To the OP - do you realize how ridiculous this all is? Get off the computer, go take a nap and wake up resolved to stop being such a possessive, jealous and childish girlfriend, because you will end up losing him with this behaviour. It's horribly unattractive to be with someone like that, you're lucky he hasn't dumped you already to be honest. If you want to keep your relationship going, open your eyes to the fact that you are causing this and that it's YOU who needs to change. 1
InJest Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Wow, you're very harsh. If he knows the ex tried to break us up why would he search for her? As far as I know she is still blocked on his profile, but I could be wrong... The level of harshness in my responses is directly proportional to the level of stupidity and obnoxiousness I'm dealing with. If she's blocked on his profile then why are you worried he's searching for her? If you're that afraid that this girl could break you up, then why are you even in such a fragile relationship where the guy doesn't love you? Anyway, this whole cheating thing is a self fulfilling prophecy, whether he actually cheats, or just finds a better girlfriend than you and drops. You are a bad girlfriend, and he will tire of it.
geegirl Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I don't know for sure if he's looked up ex's or other girls for that matter, but I'm just assuming. I mean, what else would there be to hide? I don't want to play games. I just want to find a way to get him to admit that he cleared it. You need to stop forcing him to admit he deleted his search history. If your instincts are telling you that he's done something to disrespect your boundaries and you are certain of it since you want him to admit it, then end it since it doesn't fall in your value system. If all you can do is speculate, get over it and try to work on curbing your possesiveness. It would drive any relationship down the drain if one had to constantly walk on eggshells to appease the other of their insecurities.
Author mauilurve Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 That's a little mean, but funny. To the OP - do you realize how ridiculous this all is? Get off the computer, go take a nap and wake up resolved to stop being such a possessive, jealous and childish girlfriend, because you will end up losing him with this behaviour. It's horribly unattractive to be with someone like that, you're lucky he hasn't dumped you already to be honest. If you want to keep your relationship going, open your eyes to the fact that you are causing this and that it's YOU who needs to change. So what am I supposed to do if he IS looking up other females? Just let it go? He works with 99% female customers at his job, its a very real possibility that its one of those women. Is that ok to look them up?
Author mauilurve Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 The level of harshness in my responses is directly proportional to the level of stupidity and obnoxiousness I'm dealing with. If she's blocked on his profile then why are you worried he's searching for her? If you're that afraid that this girl could break you up, then why are you even in such a fragile relationship where the guy doesn't love you? Anyway, this whole cheating thing is a self fulfilling prophecy, whether he actually cheats, or just finds a better girlfriend than you and drops. You are a bad girlfriend, and he will tire of it. Its not JUST the ex, its any female. I really don't know who/if he looked someone up because the searched stuff is gone.How would I ever know? He works with almost all female customers, he knows their names because of his job, he could be looking them up. Would you be ok with your gf doing that?
geegirl Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Its not JUST the ex, its any female. I really don't know who/if he looked someone up because the searched stuff is gone.How would I ever know? He works with almost all female customers, he knows their names because of his job, he could be looking them up. Would you be ok with your gf doing that? I sometimes look people up, male and female colleagues just out of curiosity. Not because I want to jump their bones or stray from my relationship, but because I'm nosey. Maybe he deletes it because he knows you'll magnify it into something it isn't so he wipes it out. I can tell you're the kind that would go bananas if he even glanced at another woman. If you really don't like the fact that he's doing what he's doing, then walk away. 1
venusianx13 Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 So you would be ok with your significant other looking up an ex or some other female they know/are interested in? Well, your post leaves much to be desired... does he have a HISTORY of looking up his ex? Even if you have cause to suspect that he's up to no good, having his log-in is NOT GOOD. A) because he knows to cover his tracks now if he does something questionable B) because you should trust him enough not to need his log-in. I didn't trust my ex. With good reason. He left his laptop open and vulnerable one day and when I had a look around, I did not like what I saw. If you have a bad feeling, and you dig around enough on him, you WILL find something to be upset about. Believe me, I've been there.
venusianx13 Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I don't want them to have FB, all it does it cause problems. I've discussed this with him, but I guess having a site to look up his ex's and other girls he's potentially interested in is very important to him. If you truly believe he is doing this, then you don't need to look for evidence via facebook, you already know it is happening. Deleting his facebook won't solve the problem. If your boyfriend is untrustworthy, then it goes much deeper than his activity on facebook. I understand how facebook can be a catalyst... I was with someone untrustworthy for 6 years. The rest (facebook, whatever else he might be doing) is just a device for your own torment now. If you don't trust him, walk away.
Mycteria Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I didn't read all the responses to this ridiculous thread so I apologize if this has already been said but Facebook probably deleted all of his previous searches for you automatically whenever he deleted you off his facebook.
Author mauilurve Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 I sometimes look people up, male and female colleagues just out of curiosity. Not because I want to jump their bones or stray from my relationship, but because I'm nosey. Maybe he deletes it because he knows you'll magnify it into something it isn't so he wipes it out. I can tell you're the kind that would go bananas if he even glanced at another woman. If you really don't like the fact that he's doing what he's doing, then walk away. Yeah, he works reception at his brother's nail salon, so yes if he's looking up female customers on fb I will be livid. Which I think is completely reasonable.
Author mauilurve Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Well, your post leaves much to be desired... does he have a HISTORY of looking up his ex? Even if you have cause to suspect that he's up to no good, having his log-in is NOT GOOD. A) because he knows to cover his tracks now if he does something questionable B) because you should trust him enough not to need his log-in. I didn't trust my ex. With good reason. He left his laptop open and vulnerable one day and when I had a look around, I did not like what I saw. If you have a bad feeling, and you dig around enough on him, you WILL find something to be upset about. Believe me, I've been there. He doesn't have a history of looking her up, but he did talk to her occasionally when we first got together. Things got ugly, she was talking all kinds of crap, I have a problem with her, period. She is blocked on his facebook.
Author mauilurve Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 I didn't read all the responses to this ridiculous thread so I apologize if this has already been said but Facebook probably deleted all of his previous searches for you automatically whenever he deleted you off his facebook. Actually, I tried this with my own facebook this morning and it doesn't work. I thought initially that this may have been the case, but nope.
pteromom Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 You cannot CONTROL someone into not cheating. He's either trustworthy, or he isn't. If he is, it doesn't matter if he looks up a female on Facebook every single day, because he would never cheat. If he isn't, you can watch him like a hawk, monitor his online usage, and follow him to work, and he will STILL find a way to cheat. All you are doing with this jealous controlling behavior is putting him into a situation where his choices are to live his life letting you control him, lying to you so you don't freak out about things that don't matter, or leaving you and finding someone who gives him some freedom. I search for old male friends and boyfriends all the time. It's not about reconnecting or dating them - it's because they were part of my life and I am curious what they are up to. That is all.
Author mauilurve Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 You cannot CONTROL someone into not cheating. He's either trustworthy, or he isn't. If he is, it doesn't matter if he looks up a female on Facebook every single day, because he would never cheat. If he isn't, you can watch him like a hawk, monitor his online usage, and follow him to work, and he will STILL find a way to cheat. All you are doing with this jealous controlling behavior is putting him into a situation where his choices are to live his life letting you control him, lying to you so you don't freak out about things that don't matter, or leaving you and finding someone who gives him some freedom. I search for old male friends and boyfriends all the time. It's not about reconnecting or dating them - it's because they were part of my life and I am curious what they are up to. That is all. Thank you for the helpful advice. I feel that overall he is a trustworthy person. I would just be so hurt if I found out that he was looking other girls up on fb I know he would feel the same. He's still insisting that he didn't delete the searched stuff. He said maybe one of us accidentally did it...
Bridgey Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 This is insane....My boyfriend can do whatever he wants on facebook. He can look up and message and talk to all the girls he wants. He has plenty of female friends and I couldn't care less. And I personally look up guys on facebook all the time, not because I have the hots for them but because I'm interested in who they are and what they're up to. If he did lie theres nothing you can do to "make" him tell the truth. If you catch him red handed you'll know he's lying and you can break up with him, or just break up with him now since you clearly don't trust him.
InJest Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 If he is trustworthy, and he says he didn't delete it, then why don't you believe him? What would you do if he did come out and say that he deleted it?
Author mauilurve Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 This is insane....My boyfriend can do whatever he wants on facebook. He can look up and message and talk to all the girls he wants. He has plenty of female friends and I couldn't care less. And I personally look up guys on facebook all the time, not because I have the hots for them but because I'm interested in who they are and what they're up to. If he did lie theres nothing you can do to "make" him tell the truth. If you catch him red handed you'll know he's lying and you can break up with him, or just break up with him now since you clearly don't trust him. So you don't think him adding female customers of his is wrong? I do. And I know I can't force the truth out of him, but if he sees how much its upsetting me he might decide to tell me.
Author mauilurve Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 If he is trustworthy, and he says he didn't delete it, then why don't you believe him? What would you do if he did come out and say that he deleted it? I would want to sit down and talk about why he felt the need to hide it. I would express to him that while I am very upset about what he did and him lying about it I want him to tell me the truth in the future. I don't want to lose him. I just want him to realize that it would hurt me.
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