mauilurve Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I think my bf is being dishonest with me about his Facebook. I don’t know if any of you noticed the lovely new feature that Facebook added recently, but it allows you to see who you have searched for. This doesn’t bother me regarding my own Facebook, but I have a bad habit of checking my bf’s pretty often just to make sure nothing is going on. Last Monday (10/15) I got on his Facebook while he was at work and there were only 2 searched things, both my name from earlier that day and another day. So we ended up getting in a fight that day and he deleted me from his Facebook. We make up and he adds me back. Then he asks me to log on to his FB and accept the relationship request I sent him. Ok cool, that’s fine. That’s the last time I went on there until this morning. So I log in this morning to see if he had searched for anyone (btw, we had a discussion about this and I told him it made me nervous to know it would show everyone he searched for and he promised he wouldn’t clear it) and the only thing in the search category was my name from last Monday night when *I* logged into his profile (to accept the relationship request). All of the previous searches of me are gone now. I’m pretty sure he was searching for people when we got in that fight on Monday and then he cleared it before he told me to log on his account. Which brings me to the current issue at hand: why the hell would he delete it? To me its obvious, we had gotten in a fight and he went and searched for another girl, his ex, etc. because he was mad. I’ve already asked him about it and he insists that he didn’t do it, which I’m well aware could be a lie to cover up. He’s now insisting that I’M the one who cleared it. He said I’m always snooping in his stuff and that I probably got on there and did it. He thinks that I deleted it to start a fight with him, which isn’t true at all. I’m not sure what to do but I just want him to admit the truth to me.
veggirl Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 you seriously log onto your boyfriends facebook to make sure he is not searching for people you don't approve of?! that doesn't strike you as a bit...odd? obviously he knows you are a snoop and he will delete people he doesn't want you to see. why do you feel the need to do this again?
Author mauilurve Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 you seriously log onto your boyfriends facebook to make sure he is not searching for people you don't approve of?! that doesn't strike you as a bit...odd? obviously he knows you are a snoop and he will delete people he doesn't want you to see. why do you feel the need to do this again? That's my thing, he shouldn't be searching for other girls on his facebook! That's wrong in SO many ways. Its ridiculous.
Author mauilurve Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Lmao.. Why is this guy putting up with your BS?! Can you refer him, here?! I need to chat with him. Haha, I don't want him to know I posted this...
mammasita Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Trust your intuition. Don't snoop unless you're prepared for what you might find.
veggirl Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 That's my thing, he shouldn't be searching for other girls on his facebook! That's wrong in SO many ways. Its ridiculous. Why do you need to monitor his FB? Why don't you trust your boyfriend?
LittlePrince Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I think my bf is being dishonest with me about his Facebook. I don’t know if any of you noticed the lovely new feature that Facebook added recently, but it allows you to see who you have searched for. This doesn’t bother me regarding my own Facebook, but I have a bad habit of checking my bf’s pretty often just to make sure nothing is going on. Last Monday (10/15) I got on his Facebook while he was at work and there were only 2 searched things, both my name from earlier that day and another day. So we ended up getting in a fight that day and he deleted me from his Facebook. We make up and he adds me back. Then he asks me to log on to his FB and accept the relationship request I sent him. Ok cool, that’s fine. That’s the last time I went on there until this morning. So I log in this morning to see if he had searched for anyone (btw, we had a discussion about this and I told him it made me nervous to know it would show everyone he searched for and he promised he wouldn’t clear it) and the only thing in the search category was my name from last Monday night when *I* logged into his profile (to accept the relationship request). All of the previous searches of me are gone now. I’m pretty sure he was searching for people when we got in that fight on Monday and then he cleared it before he told me to log on his account. Which brings me to the current issue at hand: why the hell would he delete it? To me its obvious, we had gotten in a fight and he went and searched for another girl, his ex, etc. because he was mad. I’ve already asked him about it and he insists that he didn’t do it, which I’m well aware could be a lie to cover up. He’s now insisting that I’M the one who cleared it. He said I’m always snooping in his stuff and that I probably got on there and did it. He thinks that I deleted it to start a fight with him, which isn’t true at all. I’m not sure what to do but I just want him to admit the truth to me. Your incessant need to spy on your bf isn't creepy at all.
Author mauilurve Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Why do you need to monitor his FB? Why don't you trust your boyfriend? Because I will NOT get screwed over like I have in the past. If he wants to look up ex girlfriends or other females he's interested in then he needs to not be in a relationship. That's all there is to it. And the worst part is he can't even admit what he's done!
Author mauilurve Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Your incessant need to spy on your bf isn't creepy at all. So you would be ok with your significant other looking up an ex or some other female they know/are interested in?
LittlePrince Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Because I will NOT get screwed over like I have in the past. If he wants to look up ex girlfriends or other females he's interested in then he needs to not be in a relationship. That's all there is to it. And the worst part is he can't even admit what he's done! What if a future boyfriend doesn't have a FB? What will you do then? Dump him. Hire a private eye.
Author mauilurve Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 What if a future boyfriend doesn't have a FB? What will you do then? Dump him. Hire a private eye. I don't want them to have FB, all it does it cause problems. I've discussed this with him, but I guess having a site to look up his ex's and other girls he's potentially interested in is very important to him.
LittlePrince Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I don't want them to have FB, all it does it cause problems. I've discussed this with him, but I guess having a site to look up his ex's and other girls he's potentially interested in is very important to him. What if you get a guy who regularly lunches with old friends and exes? What will you do?
fortyninethousand322 Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 If you can't trust him (clearly you can't) why date him?
Author mauilurve Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 What if you get a guy who regularly lunches with old friends and exes? What will you do? I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone like that, its not ok with me to do that. I need to be with someone who has the same values as me.
Author mauilurve Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 If you can't trust him (clearly you can't) why date him? We have been together for 3 years, it hasn't all been bad. I just don't get how people say "trust him" when I find something like this. How can I trust someone who is searching for ex's or other girls on facebook?
fortyninethousand322 Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 We have been together for 3 years, it hasn't all been bad. I just don't get how people say "trust him" when I find something like this. How can I trust someone who is searching for ex's or other girls on facebook? You have no idea who he was searching for (if anyone). I'm not telling you to trust him. I'm saying if you can't trust the person you're dating then it's probably not a very healthy relationship.
LittlePrince Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone like that, its not ok with me to do that. I need to be with someone who has the same values as me. You need someone who is as alone as you so you can jealously watch over them and monopolize them.
Author mauilurve Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 You have no idea who he was searching for (if anyone). I'm not telling you to trust him. I'm saying if you can't trust the person you're dating then it's probably not a very healthy relationship. Yeah, I get what you are saying. But he definitely searched for someone, or why would the searches for my name be gone? I can't think of any other reason than that he cleared it. And its obvious why. The only reason would be because there was another girl that he searched for, I wouldn't be mad about anything else...
Author mauilurve Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 You need someone who is as alone as you so you can jealously watch over them and monopolize them. So to you its ok for him to go on facebook and search for his ex? To me that is NOT ok. and he wouldn't be ok with me doing that either.
InJest Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Yes, it is okay for him to search anyone he wants on facebook. You really are full of **** though. If you think that it's so obvious that he was searching other girls, and you can't be with someone who does that, then you have to dump him, or else you're nothing but a bold faced liar..and I think you are. He's probably looking for other girls to date, since he knows he'll never marry a control freak. Probably just keeping you around until he finds her. Why else would he be searching other girls? 1
Author mauilurve Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Yes, it is okay for him to search anyone he wants on facebook. You really are full of **** though. If you think that it's so obvious that he was searching other girls, and you can't be with someone who does that, then you have to dump him, or else you're nothing but a bold faced liar..and I think you are. So you would be ok with your significant other looking up their ex that they knew you had a huge problem with? And maybe I am a liar, but we've been together for over 3 years and I just want him to admit he did it, but he won't. I really don't understand why he feels like he needs to look other people up anyway.
River Rain Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 So you would be ok with your significant other looking up their ex that they knew you had a huge problem with? And maybe I am a liar, but we've been together for over 3 years and I just want him to admit he did it, but he won't. I really don't understand why he feels like he needs to look other people up anyway. If he knows you have a huge problem with it, and he does it anyway, he doesn't care. If you're constantly going to check up on him, you need to work on your self-esteem and trust issues before you will ever have a healthy relationship. If you insist that he admits to his sins, are you admitted to spying on him at the same time? When it gets to the point where you feel the need to survey his behaviour, it's time to end things, regardless of it being 3 years together or 3 weeks together. I don't understand this behaviour of trying to catch people in lies. Just because he looks up an ex's name on FB doesn't mean he's cheating, but your behaviour is a certain way to push him away. 2
InJest Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 (edited) So you would be ok with your significant other looking up their ex that they knew you had a huge problem with? And maybe I am a liar, but we've been together for over 3 years and I just want him to admit he did it, but he won't. I really don't understand why he feels like he needs to look other people up anyway. I don't give a **** what my g/f does on Facebook. She does enough to let me know I'm the only one for her, on a daily basis, without me having to set crazy rules or spy on her. If she wants to take a look at her ex's profile, I really don't give a ****. I look at my ex's profile from time to time. We are friends. Not inappropriate friends, but we do have the occasional conversation with each other. I don't know if you can tell, but everyone who has responded agrees that you are being completely irrational, and this guy must be either a really great guy or completely codependent, to put up with your bull****. I know you're a liar, because it's obvious you don't want to break up; you want someone that you can control. No one here is going to indulge your childish need for control or your insecurity, so either break up with him or deal with, but please don't continue wasting our time with this nonsense. Edited October 22, 2012 by InJest 1
Author mauilurve Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 You never looked up an ex, another man, nothing during the last three years. Not question any sort of relationship, just if you have ever searched a person (with male genitalia) over the internet (any social program) during the last 3 yrs?! I can only wikipedia so much! I've already googled you. Yes, I have but my ex is blocked now. I have a HUUUUUGE problem with his ex and he knows it.
Author mauilurve Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 If he knows you have a huge problem with it, and he does it anyway, he doesn't care. If you're constantly going to check up on him, you need to work on your self-esteem and trust issues before you will ever have a healthy relationship. If you insist that he admits to his sins, are you admitted to spying on him at the same time? When it gets to the point where you feel the need to survey his behaviour, it's time to end things, regardless of it being 3 years together or 3 weeks together. I don't understand this behaviour of trying to catch people in lies. Just because he looks up an ex's name on FB doesn't mean he's cheating, but your behaviour is a certain way to push him away. I agree, I do see a therapist to *try* and deal with these issues. I have admitted that I spied on him, he knows I do it and he knows I do it frequently. I know it doesn't mean he's cheating, but I'm not ok with it.
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