tom22 Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Hi guys. This is my first post on this forum so be nice I'm hoping for a little bit of advice to help me out. It's quite a long story so please bare with me! Well, I have been on an online dating site (on and off) for about 2 years... I am still single so I suppose you could say it hasn't been 100% successful! .... anyway, during the middle of 2011 I started speaking to this girl on there (we were both 21). I had never spoken to anyone on there as nice as her. She was beautiful, friendly, chatty. Really, really nice. She was a single mum, who lived on her own with her daughter. The fact she had a child really did not bother me, infact her independance and caring for her daughter was one of the things that really attracted me to her. So we continued chatting for a few weeks. Exchanged phone numbers, texted daily and had the occasional phone call. So a couple of weeks past and, naturally, we started talking about meeting up. This is where things went wrong. I had never met anyone online before. Now, I am quite a nervous person, and the thought of meeting her made me very, very nervous! and so I did something that I have regretted ever since. I completely chickened out, and told her that although she was lovely, she lived too far away for me to have a relationship with her (in truth, she did live over an hours drive away, but in all honesty it wouldn't have been a problem). I know that she really liked me and I know for a fact this really upset her. Over the next couple of weeks I continually felt depressed about the whole thing and really began to regret it. So I contacted her again, explaining that I had chickened out and apologised, hoping I could have another chance. But she said that she didn't want to risk it happening again, that I had blown her off once and she couldn't handle it happening again because of how upset she got. And so we fell out of contact. I felt sad and gutted about it for a couple of months afterwards but eventually got over it. I have since even had the courage to meet up with 2 girls I had met on the site So now to the present day, over a year later.... last week I accidently added her on facebook. I have just got a new phone, and it added friends on facebook using the numbers saved on my sim card... and guess what... her number was still saved there! (I hadn't realised it!). She accepted, we exchanged a couple of messages just to say "Hi, How have you been" that sort of thing. So looking at her page, she is now engaged and seems very happy. I am really happy for her, but, completely selfishly, I am incredibly jealous. All of the feelings of regret have come rushing back, and I now cannot stop thinking of how stupid I was. I feel really miserable about the whole thing even more so knowing I can do nothing about it. I never really got to know her and I never will. I know it all sounds a bit ridiculous and nothing can be done, but I just wanted to write it all down and maybe get some advice on how to shake off the feelings I'm having! Thanks for listening Tom
River Rain Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 You missed the boat with her, too bad you let your fear get in the way. Your jealousy is probably the regret you have that you hurt her and she didn't give you a second chance. Seeing her happy is bringing back that feeling of guilt. If it makes you feel bad, then get away from the facebook page, though it may be tempting to check up on her now and then.
2.50 a gallon Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Unless you are a fool, you will learn! Mark it down as a learning experience A year later and she is already engaged, yes it can happen. But also consider the possibility that she was shopping for a husband searching for a daddy for her kid. Who knows what she might have been like after you married 1
serial muse Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Unless you are a fool, you will learn! Mark it down as a learning experience A year later and she is already engaged, yes it can happen. But also consider the possibility that she was shopping for a husband searching for a daddy for her kid. Who knows what she might have been like after you married Er...well, I guess that's one way to look at it. But why should the OP resort to assuming the worst about another human being, just because he missed the boat? Not much of a learning opportunity there. That is the bitter road. Blech. I think the more constructive way to go would be to acknowledge that your fears have stood in your way, and use this real-world example to propel you away from them whenever they rear up. Good luck, and good for you for getting out there again!
Toby Flenderson Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Although it's not the love story people hope to hear, I think you learned one of the most important values in life. And it regards to everything. You just have to go for it sometimes. For a lot of people, the first few encounters are a little awkward, but when you get over that hump, it's incredible. You just have to fight for it. I know that advice doesn't help any now, but if a similar situation occurs, just go for it! Even if you are nervous. Otherwise, you'll never know what will happen and regret will eat at you. 1
Author tom22 Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Thanks guys for the advice. Lesson is well and truly learned, although i do still get nervous as hell at the thought of meeting someone online for the first time! I think the thing that is really getting me down about the whole thing the most, and it sounds so ridiculous, is that she is/was absolutely perfect for me, and I threw away the chance of getting to know her properly for the sake of being nervous for about half an hour at the start of a date. It really does make me feel quite sick to be honest. I feel so silly feeling like this about something that happened over a year ago and about someone I barely even knew, but I have literally never clicked with anyone so easily before. But never mind, I suppose in not getting with me, she has found the man that makes her happy, and that's a good thing. Now it's my turn to find the girl for me, however hard that is going to be! I guess time will tell!
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