Rosane Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 why do some heartbreaks take so long to heal? am I going mad? I've lost myself in all this pain...doesn't matter what I do.
River Rain Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 why do some heartbreaks take so long to heal? am I going mad? I've lost myself in all this pain...doesn't matter what I do. We're not robots...each person is different. Plus you have to figure out if you're making things worse by holding on to hope, or thinking only of the good times, or wishing for what could have been. It's natural to do that because we've lost something so important, but doing that keeps the pain in the present. You just have to be kind to yourself and deal with each day as it comes. Make a promise to yourself that you will try today to move on, stay busy, keep distracted, be social, get out of the house, make yourself laugh, do hobbies, go for a long walk....anything that you can think of to change your setting and your frame of mind.
Author Rosane Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 (edited) Yes, although I'm not holding on to any hope anymore, I think I'm only thinking of the good times, what could have been etc. as if it was only my fault. It wasn't. I go to work, come back home going through the motions, and have not been doing much to boost my self-confidence. It seems that absolutely EVERYTHING reminds me of him. I moved area, but little things remind me of him. I can't even go to a chain store without being reminded in my head. I stopped at a M&S garage and convenience store the other day and only because they look all the same, completely identical, I remember when we used to stop there from a long journey before going home for last minute shopping. That's insane!! My mind always tricks me into remembering things about him. I can't listen to music anymore, not a piece, sad or cheerful. Not even songs that are not connected with him, let alone the ones that are. If I like the song, especially if I do, I can't bear to hear it. I used to love music. It feels that I'm going out of my mind; I have to get out of where I am to stop listening to that, unless I can switch it off. Definition of insanity! I need another body. I used to take breakups so easily, not this one! Edited October 22, 2012 by Rosane
River Rain Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 With time that will pass. I only started listening to music again last week, and it's been just under 7 weeks now since we broke up. He didn't even live here and things I would see reminded me of him! I had to verbally out loud tell myself "NO" and keep telling myself that. Whatever triggers you right now, don't have it in your life, like don't go to those stores, if you pass a place, don't linger and stare..you have to make a very valiant effort to change your mindframe. It's hard, but it does get better if you try your best. One thing that helped me a lot was a list of his bad points, and a list of why we broke up. Whenever I caught myself thinking of the romance, I pulled the list out and read it out loud for as long as it took to make me shake the thoughts out of my head.
Author Rosane Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Thanks for this. I can really see now that this time is different and I have to make a true effort to change things. It's not easy this time, it's not like when I used to shake things off so easily with past breakups. This is a big one. It takes time and effort, real work. Trying not to think is only making me think even more.
River Rain Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Everyone has their own timeframe to grieve a loss. Just don't let it go overboard and miss out on the wonderful things life has to offer in the meantime. When you find yourself thinking of the good times and what could have been, change it immediately. You can think of the good times much later on in life when you've healed. You don't have to erase the memory, just store it away in hiding until you can get better. Going to a gym to exercise helps a lot. Lots of eye candy there and you are working out, releasing those endorphins...also doing things with your hands, woodworking, puzzles, drawing, painting, that has a good effect too on your mood and keeps your mind occupied. You will have setbacks, expect them. But let yourself feel the pain and then get up and do something else. Go out and be social with people without talking about your breakup. You might have to do the old "fake it 'till you make it", but it does help too. 1
River Rain Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 How do you know while dating someone if that someone is still heartbroken about their ex? After you ask them directly that question.
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