MrAurora Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Hi Everyone! Well I just sent the following email to my ex girlfriend. I wrote it the best and most genuine I could. I would love to hear from any women's reactions to reading such an email. I do not expect anything from her in return. Feel free to use any part of it as a template if you are contemplating such a final bit of communication, Hey, Remember in summer on weekends we would have our afternoon naps on Sundays, and we would put on the coy-pond app, gently playing thunder and pretending that’s what was happening outside until we fell asleep in each other’s arms. Those memories are some of my best and always bring a smile whenever I think of them. I just wanted to say hi and let you know how sorry I am for everything. For how close we were, the way things ended was just horrible. I still get very upset at myself for that call I made to you that night and I wanted to unreservedly apologise to you and your mum and dad. The fact that I even made that nasty call showed I had no comprehension of the pain and hurt that I had caused you in those final weeks. Now that a bit of time has passed, I have finally pulled myself back to being me and have done a lot of reflection of everything that happened over the past six months. The most important thing in the world to me was our relationship. Yet, in those final months, I completely lost sight of exactly that. I was so focused on a goal in my work life that I overlooked what you meant to me and I failed to understand what you were going through. I was snappy, didn’t communicate with you and simply a horrible person to be around. By the time you told me how lonely and homesick you were, I took it as complete shock and I played the victim rather than supporting you and being there as your man should be. You were right, I reacted exactly the way you thought I would. I know you wanted that great relationship just as much as me, however the way I was acting pushed you in the opposite direction and in the end your best option was to step away; I completely understand why. I wanted to write the above to let you know I have some grasp of everything and I am just so sorry and I have nothing else in my heart but love for you. No matter what path we take in life, I will always remember you Jane. You made me into the person that I am today. Every great memory I have over the past four years always has you in it. I could not have been more proud to have called you my girlfriend. I think you are truly the most amazing person both inside and out. Everything about you I love. You will always have a special place in my heart. [my name].
dreamstate83 Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 It sounds genuine enough, but I wouldn't do anything else beyond that. If she wants to be with you she will break down walls and cross oceans to do it. Just be careful not to get your hopes up. You've said your peace, and now it's time to keep on truckin'!!! 2
Author MrAurora Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Yeah thanks buddy. Exactly, I will not send anything more. Nor do I expect anything back from her. I actually feel releif from sending it and can now finally start moving forward. I know people say not to generally write any kind of letter or email, however a lot of thought went into making sure it didnt blame her for anything (it by no means was one sided) and let her know I have no hard feelings. I decided to post to contribute to add some diversity to these threads. Aurora
Calico Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I wouldn't send it. I can't offer you a woman's view, and hopefully you'll get those, but the letter sounds whiny, doormat-y and weak to me. It gives off a strong vibe of begging, and it's way too heavy on the self-blame to make an impression on a woman who had gotten sick of you. It does not make you look confident or "improved". Instead, it really says, "I'm still waiting.", and if you were dramatic and clingy at the end of the relationship where she was relieved that you stopped talking to her (if that's what happened), the last paragraph is bound to come across as "more of the same". In short, I'd not send this. I totally understand why you want to and I have drafted letters like this to my ex, but it's almost certain to not be received in the way you hope it will. I could be wrong about this, and if you send it, I hope I am wrong. But I'd really not send this. Gibson will tell you how very ball-less this letter sounds, and while I clash with him every so often, I would agree with him on this. If you were dumped, you should not be the one initiating contact -- not even with a "look how I have changed (but I really haven't!)" letter. It really is not as impressive or genuine sounding as you believe it is (and as you probably mean it). 4
Author MrAurora Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Ohhh Calico, I understand what you're saying and there is always that risk of misinterpretation from the genuine intent of what it is trying to convey. I know the rules of engagement from 100s of hours on this site and others and the concensus of sending such emails. My issue is that it DID end badly for stupid reasons and since that time I have not spoken with her, which is close to 3 months now. I am wearing my heart on my sleeve here and thought fu.ck it. I know its a risk but I hope that it stirs something inside of her. Infact I just feel better for sending it, as I know I did everything I could to lay down my sword and let her know I will always think fondly of her. There are a lot of synics on these sites, and I was trying to add a bit of hope/positivity to it all. Thanks for your input guys - Yes, its sent! I will keep you all updated if I get anything in response. Aurora
Calico Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Oh, you had sent it already! Well -- all there's left then is to wish you good luck and that the letter will have the effect that you hope for! 1
stemac Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 MrAurora you did what you thought was right... that's all that matters here :-) good luck 1
Survivor12 Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 If you had asked before sending it, I would have suggested that you delete the first paragraph. The rest sounds like a sincere apology without expectation of forgiveness or response. Without that first paragraph, you sound as though you really care about her feelings and giving her closure. Unfortunately, the first paragraph does just the opposite. It is intended to remind her of what she is probably already grieving and has been spending the last three months trying to forget.
KatZee Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I wish you hadn't jumped the gun and sent it, should have gotten all advice here first. I read the first line and had to stop. Came off completely weak and desperate. I'm speaking as a girl who has dumped a guy whom I no longer wanted to be with. That ex kept coming at me for months after I broke up with him acting completely doormattish and weak. It didn't make me want him, I actually felt extremely sorry for him. 1
ParadeRain Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 4 months later... wow... I hope the email didn't bleep through on her phone while she was busy screwing her secret rebound 1
Simon Phoenix Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Yeah, I have one I've drafted but I have no intention of sending the thing. And yeah, that first paragraph killed the vibe of the rest of it.
gonefishin Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I actually liked your letter and I got the feeling It was genuine and heartfelt. If I could have wrote one that well I'd have sent it But... Everything I've done since the breakup is wrong so hopefully U know best . I hope u hear back either way. Good luck 1
LostOne1 Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I actually liked your letter and I got the feeling It was genuine and heartfelt. If I could have wrote one that well I'd have sent it But... Everything I've done since the breakup is wrong so hopefully U know best . I hope u hear back either way. Good luck It's a good letter, but I don't know if it will do anything. I sent a letter to my ex too and a video. But nothing meant anything to her anymore. It was a nice gesture to her but nothing more. In fact writing a letter CAN be worse, because after some point you might expect a reply in some form and you don't get it. I only got a reply after my video, when she stated I should stop wasting my time on her. So that made it clear it was over and no matter what I do now.. I can't win this battle. I'm better off giving up and turning around and going else where to fight a battle. This battle has no meaning and it's a worthless fight. I would expect no reply to the letter sent. 1
Author MrAurora Posted October 23, 2012 Author Posted October 23, 2012 Hey everyone, Thanks for the comments, even those that put a knife through the heart. I do not expect anything back and I am simply happy that I sent it to her. Now I am pushing on with life and not looking back anymore, as hard as that is. I will keep you all updated IF I hear anything more. Thanks again, Aurora 1
Calico Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 Thanks for the comments, even those that put a knife through the heart. The knife tries to cut through the tight rope of denial so that you can be free again. The cuts that you feel are not caused by that knife. They stem from resisting change.
Author MrAurora Posted October 23, 2012 Author Posted October 23, 2012 Calico, I would be interested to hear your story of what you've been through and what contact you ever had with your partner, if ever?
lightwell Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 It might take some time before she replies, maybe several days, if she does. Try to enjoy yourself in the meantime, instead of just waiting in front of your computer.
mishy Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 I know from experience that when we send these types of letters we are wanting a response, as much as we convince ourselves that we really don't. It really hurts too when there is no response, and then you are angry and ugh, just makes it all worse.
Author MrAurora Posted October 23, 2012 Author Posted October 23, 2012 Yeah, you're right...I say I don't...even though I do. And I am sure it wont be anything that I want it to be. What I am hoping is when she gets into a new RS, and potentially falls apart, she will remember that email I sent. That's all I really want...
Calico Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 What I am hoping is when she gets into a new RS, and potentially falls apart, she will remember that email I sent. That's all I really want... You mean you want to be her rebound and backup plan? You had asked about my story. It's posted somewhere here, but the short version is that my last relationship lasted nearly four years, with a younger woman who ended up cheating on me with a younger-than-her guy, for several months with her friends knowing of it and me being in the dark. When she finally told me, she wouldn't make a decision and I foolishly lingered around. Lots of begging, tears, pleading, back and forth, etc. In the end, I walked away from it and she made her new RS official on the next day. Then NC for six'ish weeks when she called me to tell me that she will always love me, missed me, worried that I hated her, that it's been so long, and how strange it all is, and to please call her one more time by her pet name, and she cried. I had falsely believed I was ready for being friends and I started to hope again. I wasn't, and it was silly. We talked again that week and she was distant again, and nothing had changed. Didn't want to be with me, wanted to be with the other guy. So, NC again. She emailed another time after this to apologize for how the latest chat had gone and to again ask me to please not hate her (I had not given her any reason to believe that I did hate her). I didn't answer it, and I'm done with those games.
Author MrAurora Posted October 23, 2012 Author Posted October 23, 2012 Yeah okay, reading that back it sounds stupid Gibson. The relationship and how close we were should speak for itself without going through any of that, you're absolutely right. I am just numb to the the fact that this sort of stuff happens to people...good people. I messed up the first month with all the classic mistakes, since then I have gone complete no contact. Given her all the space in the world. I just wanted to let her know for my part I knew what I did wrong, and I will always love and care for her, no matter what path. Now the tough part is truly letting go. I think that email plays a big part in that. I still struggle with the fact that such a thing can happen after planning our whole future together, looking at rings at the start of the years, travelling round the world, I bought her a car for her 21st....some of the happiest memories in my life are in those 4 years with her. I sent that email as it felt right to me. Calico - yeah that's a **** turn of events. I can see why you are so hardened to how to deal with situations post break up.
Author MrAurora Posted October 23, 2012 Author Posted October 23, 2012 I should also add the reason I was so messed up towards the end of the RS is I had major depression, and I couldnt think or function the way I normally do. I have two businesses, 50 employees but whole episode completely turned me into this insecure, introverted shell of my normal self. There was no way I could comprehend everything that happened in the end. She walked away as she didnt know how to deal with me, and I completely undertstand why. That was the other major component of sending that letter to show im back to rational me and I DO understand what took place.
Author MrAurora Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 Well, after sending the email I got this message from a pay phone from someone tonight JADE HAS A BOYFRIEND THATS WHY SHE LEFT U HE HAS MORE MONEY THAN U SHE MET WITH HIM BEHIND UR BACK (Telstra Payphone SMS) How gutless is that. I don't know what to say right now. I'm just so hurt.
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