Jscorp Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Hi all, My wife and I have been together for 11 years, married for two. We were separated before we got married for a three months. We both saw someone else during this time. I stopped seeing the woman I was with and same as her. But the guy she was seeing was her coworker. They work different shifts but same department. She works nights (11-7)and he works days(7-3). So fast forward to the present. Lately she has been working a few extra hours at work onto dayshift. I know she still talks to him, but don't think anything is happening. I found out recently that he had switched his shift to the evenings (3-11)and he has been working a few extra hours during the day shift as well. She never told me anything about it and when I confronted her about it she admits that he did change shift and that he does work some extra hours on days with her. My question is, did she not tell me about his change of shift because it didn't matter? Or is she hiding something? Or I'm just over thinking this. Thank you
Author Jscorp Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Thanks Hawaii50 for the fast reply. That's true, I guess I should just drop it.
Author Jscorp Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 I do trust her and she knows I'm bothered by the fact that she still sees him. I've already told her that the only thing I can do is to trust her. I guess I'm just overreacting. It's hard, because they still have feelings for each other.
Author Jscorp Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Yea, I kinda figured I might have been over thinking this. But you can't blame me for having these thoughts when they said they loved each other and slept with each other. In the beginning when we got back together it was very tough for me knowing that she will still see him at work. Everyday was a challenge for me knowing that whenever she goes to work, they will see each other. Or the nights where she just tells me she's taking the night off from work. I work the night shift too, but over time my trust in her grew. I had no other choice but to trust her because I love her. Like you and hawaii50 mentioned, I'm just over thinking this. Thank you for replying, I really appreciate it.
MrVegas Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 It would probably just be over-thinking. If she is one that would not ever forget a detail or how it appears, then maybe she was aware of the appearance and wanted to avoid a confrontation, or worrying you. Or maybe it's been 2 years and they are just friends. If she doesn't view him as a romantic option, it's unlikely it would set off alarms working extra hours together. I agree with an earlier reply in which if she wanted to start a relationship again, it would probably be just as possible outside of workUnless you have something more to go on, try to remember she earned that trust you have in her. And definitely don't dwell or worry too much, it's destructive.
Author Jscorp Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 MrVegas, You're right, I just let my imagination get the best of me. I don't have anything else. Now they're just friends/coworkers. Thanks again everyone
Author Jscorp Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 Ok some new info just popped up. They still text each other, mainly her ex texting her about what she wants for lunch while they're at work or something else. I saw his text on her phone, I didn't say anything about it. Again I'm probably just over thinking. This is so hard still, but not as hard as when we first got back together. Again she never told me about him texting her and them having lunch together. Maybe they're just friends/coworkers having lunch. She would always tell me who she's having lunch with.
TobyBoy Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 Listen to your gut!!! Can you ck her phone call and text detail online? If there's something going on, find definite proof before you confront!
road Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 Listen to your gut!!! Can you ck her phone call and text detail online? If there's something going on, find definite proof before you confront! You need to quietly confirm what is going on now. Thing is it was wrong for your wife to stay working where a past lover works. Your wife needs to find a new buisness to work for. Even if nothing is going on just for your peace of mind and your health. It is a known fact that having contact with an x lover increases the odds for that relationship to rekindle. Whose idea was it to separate? Don't give me we both thought about it I suspect your wife orchestrated this separation to make it appear she did not have another man to try out for a husband. When in fact she was already doing her co worker before the break up. Many woman don't end a relationship until they have a replacement man lined up.
Author Jscorp Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 I've always listened to my gut, but this time I hope my gut is wrong(seriously). I don't have definite proof because all her texts from him to her are just during work hours. I can't check her phone bill because I don't know her password. In fact it was my idea to separate, so it's my fault I'm this this position. She was a little hesitant at first, then she agreed. And from there we went our separate ways. She didnt tell me she was with someone until I had to find out myself. I asked her before if she was seeing him before the separation, she quickly denies it and saying that she didn't know him until they went on a business trip together. I was thinking about putting a spyware/tracker on her iPhone, but I couldn't do it. I have to trust her.
karnak Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 You don't trust her. That's why you're on Loveshack.
Author Jscorp Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 I guess you can say that, I'm trying to trust her. I guess the other reason I'm on here is to see if I'm over thinking.
mammasita Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 Joey Greco can help. Kidding. Seriously though, I would be suspicious if I knew hours were being changed like that. Was that guy forced to change his hours or did he request it?
Author Jscorp Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 Nice one mammasita . She told me, he had no choice. Since his shift changed to 3-11pm and he would work OT from 8-5. He asked to stay a bit longer so he can get his full 16, which he will be working with my wife for an extra two hours in the office. I mean trust me if I had a choice, I would tell my wife to work some place else. But with the economy like this, I wouldn't want to mess up our dual income.
road Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Nice one mammasita . She told me, he had no choice. Since his shift changed to 3-11pm and he would work OT from 8-5. He asked to stay a bit longer so he can get his full 16, which he will be working with my wife for an extra two hours in the office. I mean trust me if I had a choice, I would tell my wife to work some place else. But with the economy like this, I wouldn't want to mess up our dual income. Yes she does. She applies for jobs til she gets a new one. Then hands in her notice.
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