Confuzzledgal Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 (edited) i was in love with a girl i talk to over the internet. I was never believe in love over the internet , but...oh well so first of when i know her, she said she is a guy ( and she does have a guy ish voice)but then i found out she lied to me about her gender cause i found out the picture she was showing me was not her's. But being in love with her , despite of the pain of being lied to, i forgive her and continue to have relationship with her. to make things short,With the on going relationship we have , and her stories i feel bad about her life condition and honesty wanting her to have a good life, so i offer her to help her to rent a better home for her and her mom to stay. and then she moved to that place , i am so honestly happy for her and excited to work hard to send her money for the tier monthly, get her new furniture and a new bed for her ( she having back pain because of bad mattress). and then one day we have a fight and she said something that hurt me badly , she said bad things about my parents and she mentioned about amount of money i sent to her " it's not like you send me millions" to be exact, and she seems to disrespect what i did for her. for just you know all of what i earn monthly is for her and i only get a little part ( i was thinking since i still live with my parents that would be ok) anyways .... with all this pain i got from her i feel like im exhausted and can't take it anymore. i tried to break up with her a lot of times but a lot of times she become sick and went to the hospital every time we break up ( she have encephalitis) i am a young girl as she is aswell. i feel like i have a huge rock on my shoulder that i have to carry everyday. the relationship is already flat for me , i cannot seems to forget what she said n done to me. i am not happy. She also mentioned death , wanting to die every time i bring up separation. i am very stressed with this situation and would appreciate it so much if anyone can help me out with a way out. I really don't know what to do , if i separate with her , what would happen to her and the house tier? she won't able to afford it for now. What if she will danger herself? i don't want to destroy someones life but i feel I'm destroying my own .all of this guilt I'm feeling right now really kills me please help, i have no one to talk to please and please tell me how to break up with her?? i tried and it never success . it will only end up to a dramatic arguments , she screams and cries like crazy over phone, she become hospitalized. if i just be evil and just totally gone , will that make me a bad person? this been wandering my mind a lot of time to just totally vanish without even care , but i can't seems to stop thinking i am responsible of putting them in that house and then what will happen to them if i stop sending money? please i am very confused and feel i cannot do anything. how to remove my feeling guilt and feel like i will be demon if i just totally vanish? the thought of i might make her kill herself really stressing me i cannot go on like this please help Our relationship been almost 2 years this november PS : Excuse my bad english , and i am a new member seeking for help , sorry Edited October 22, 2012 by Confuzzledgal
amaysngrace Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 She isn't going to kill herself. She just says that because she knows you're a nice guy and is trying to manipulate you so that she gets what she wants. You aren't responsible for her and her mom. It was very generous of you to help them both but you don't owe them anything. You need to think of yourself first. It may sound selfish and maybe you're not use to being selfish but there is nothing wrong with the word "no". If giving makes you feel bad then it defeats the purpose of giving. Start being more assertive by learning to say "no". It may make you feel bad at first but you'll soon get use to it. 1
Author Confuzzledgal Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 She isn't going to kill herself. She just says that because she knows you're a nice guy and is trying to manipulate you so that she gets what she wants. You aren't responsible for her and her mom. It was very generous of you to help them both but you don't owe them anything. You need to think of yourself first. It may sound selfish and maybe you're not use to being selfish but there is nothing wrong with the word "no". If giving makes you feel bad then it defeats the purpose of giving. Start being more assertive by learning to say "no". It may make you feel bad at first but you'll soon get use to it. Thank you for responding really , I'm a girl BTW. I am a naturally strong woman and i always can say "NO" to my EXs before. I am a straight girl , she is my first girl relationship and i even still confused about that , never crossed my mind even tho i have nothing againts it. Do you really think she won't kill herself? she always hit herself over by phone whenever we have a fight this really stressed and exhaust me ( im 28 she is 26 y/o) this situation even make me feel like i wan't to smash my face on the wall ( something that i never had the thought of even in my darkest moment before)
amaysngrace Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Threatening suicide is a form of emotional abuse. Get away from this whacko. She is not going to kill herself. I almost guarantee it. But if she does then just blame me. 1
Calico Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 We should chat some time. I'd not mind someone paying my rent! Ama said it all: In the end, it's not your responsibility, and you cannot be held hostage by someone's threats. It's blackmail. It's very unlikely that she'll do something to herself, but if she threatens suicide again when you break up with her, consider calling the police (at least tell her that you will). 1
Author Confuzzledgal Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 (edited) since i tried to break up with her a lot of times already, and never succeded cause i always fell unto her crying like mad and saying that she will be in danger about the rent due or that her sickness is attacking her and called me like millions times and scream at me over the phone etc. i don't know why it feels like she control my mind and play with my emotions like she knows exactly how to "cage" me. What should i do to stay strong and just ignore all her calls? What should i do to stop feeling responsible for them? and to stop thinking if i don't send them money , they will be kicked out their house? God help me sighs When i broke up with her , it only take a week , before someone from her family ( her mom once called me) and told me that she is in the hospital and that her mom said to help them. i felt guilt all over me as if i am the reason that she went to the hospital all the time. she is a very emotional girl aswell. something i never experience in my relationships. Edited October 22, 2012 by Confuzzledgal
mishy Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 you are not responsible for them! do you need this drama?? no! 1
amaysngrace Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 If anyone is to blame for her ending up in the hospital it's her mom. She's the one who raised her to be an emotional mess. It's your girls fault too that she's a mess. She could get help if she desires help. But she is not your responsibility and what she does or how she reacts is not your fault. She's a big girl and makes her own big girl choices. She's playing you and you're allowing her to. 1
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