NewUser222 Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I have been with my girlfriend for 6 years we had broken up through drunken text messages. We never even got to talk in person or phone about what happend, We are both 26. It has been 4 months and I am still dying inside. She just emailed me saying "I need space" and for you to stop trying to contact me everyday. I was just wondering if anyone has ever had success after being told "I need space" and how you went about dealing with this, having No Contact is impossible for me she lives in a different city right now and I was suppose to move in with her before this all happend. I am in a really tough spot of my life right now and was just wondering if anyone actually had a relationship work out after being told "i need space" or how long could a girl possibly need to figure out her feelings about breaking up. She has never done anything like this before, I am so down on myself right now and just need help from someone who has been through this before, thanks I appreciate your inputs.
Chi townD Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 "I need space" translation. I need space because I have another love interest in the works. I need space because I don't want you around while I'm trying to date this other guy. I need space because I don't want you around when I'm calling this dude, or texting or looking over my shoulder when I'm trying to read an e-amil from him. I need space because I don't want you showing up at my place in the middle of the night when I'm trying to "entertain" a guest. She wants time...give her all the time she wants....forever should be good enough space. 2
LostOne1 Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I don't fully agree it means that there is another guy. it could also mean she's hurt or confused about the relationship and wants to think it over. Don't mess up like me man... GIVE her the space. I lost my girl 2 months ago for not giving her space. I kept bugging her and we fought more and more till we hurt each other far beyond repair. So take my advice GIVE her the space. And tell yourself you don't care about her, you don't need her. Go on with your day as if she's out on some vacation trip and you can't contact her. If she really loves you she will miss you and come back. If she doesn't.. then it means she's not worth it. But GIVE her the space man.. it's important GIVE it to her and kill off ALL contact. Please read my posts about my break up if you have to. But please do GIVE her space and make no contact.
CptSaveAho Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Every guy on the planet knows what "I need space" is.... if you dont, you're blind as a bat and choose to be or you are lying to yourself.
Chi townD Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Chi townD, Sucks for the OP for sure but what you wrote in a "nice" way was very funny and sarcastic. Made me spit my soda all over the computer. "Entertain" a guest... LMAO! LOL! Well, I'm not going to sugar coat it. I rather not fill this guy up with false hope. Okay, I'll "bend" and somewhat agree with LostOne that there may not be another person involved. But, in my experience and other threads on here where the boyfriend or girlfriend want "space". Usually, there's someone else that they're interested in and "I need space" is a great way to set you up as the backup plan. The OM/OW shows interest....they go on a few dates....chemistry isn't there....or the OM hit it and quit it; got what he wanted and is out the door. Then, all the sudden they don't need any space anymore. All I'm saying is if she want's space. Fine! SEE YA!!! But, do not put your life on hold for her, do not be her backup plan, do not be waiting on the sidelines for her as she plays the field. 1
Author NewUser222 Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 LOL! Well, I'm not going to sugar coat it. I rather not fill this guy up with false hope. Okay, I'll "bend" and somewhat agree with LostOne that there may not be another person involved. But, in my experience and other threads on here where the boyfriend or girlfriend want "space". Usually, there's someone else that they're interested in and "I need space" is a great way to set you up as the backup plan. The OM/OW shows interest....they go on a few dates....chemistry isn't there....or the OM hit it and quit it; got what he wanted and is out the door. Then, all the sudden they don't need any space anymore. All I'm saying is if she want's space. Fine! SEE YA!!! But, do not put your life on hold for her, do not be her backup plan, do not be waiting on the sidelines for her as she plays the field. Haha that was a much better answer...I don't mind bluntness I just am open to hear what people have to say on the topic
CC12 Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 They broke up four months ago. If there's another person involved, she is well within her right to do that. OP, I don't know why you say "having No Contact is impossible for me." It is possible, and that's what you have to do because she told you to stop contacting her. It's been four months, and you've been trying to contact her every day? Sorry, but I don't think she's going to ever be interested in getting back together with you, since this kind of incessant contact is really disrespectful, needy, and over the top. "I need space and also please stop trying to contact me everyday" means it's really, really over. It's time to move on.
Chi townD Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 They broke up four months ago. If there's another person involved, she is well within her right to do that. She's well within her rights to date other people considering that they are broken up, but she is NOT within her right to keep NewUser on the hook with statements like "I need space"...or another good one is "I need to find myself"...or another good one is "I just want to be 'single' for a while." Thinking that he needs to be patient, sit there with a thumb in his ass, and sooner or later, that phonecalls is going to come. If it's over, she needs to be up front and say, "Look, I'm not interested anymore, I think we've taken this relationship as far as ever going to go. Sorry." And that's that. He can mourn the loss of the relationship, heal and move on rather than wonder if she's ever going to come back.
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Mine needed space, she needed to be single. Until she found a new bf 3 weeks later, prob sooner. Karate chop her out of your life man! I still think about my ex but I focus my thoughts on her negatives and how I'd reject her if she ever came back. 1
CC12 Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 If it's over, she needs to be up front and say, "Look, I'm not interested anymore, I think we've taken this relationship as far as ever going to go. Sorry." She said she needed space and also asked him to stop trying to contact her. That is not a statement that keeps him on the hook in any way. I think it was an adequately up-front way of ending it once and for all.
Author NewUser222 Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 They broke up four months ago. If there's another person involved, she is well within her right to do that. OP, I don't know why you say "having No Contact is impossible for me." It is possible, and that's what you have to do because she told you to stop contacting her. It's been four months, and you've been trying to contact her every day? Sorry, but I don't think she's going to ever be interested in getting back together with you, since this kind of incessant contact is really disrespectful, needy, and over the top. "I need space and also please stop trying to contact me everyday" means it's really, really over. It's time to move on. No i do not try and contact her everyday, She sent me an email on september 21 saying she is not and is not trying to date anyone else, so i went absolutly no any form of contact for 3 weeks until i wished her happy birthday last week, its just so hard to not have any sort of closure "I need space" is so open ended and we have been together 6 years its just so difficult to not think of her all day everyday and think about what I could have done different to not have this happen
Author NewUser222 Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 I agree, I would much rather have a solid answer as to where our relationship stands instead of like you said just sitting around waiting and killing myself because I cant get any sort of response besides "i need space"
Chi townD Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 She said she needed space and also asked him to stop trying to contact her. That is not a statement that keeps him on the hook in any way. I think it was an adequately up-front way of ending it once and for all. If she would have said JUST that. Then, no problem! Done Deal!!! But, she had to throw in that "I need space" comment. Thus, telling his head that there might be a chance; that there might be hope. You have to realize that a 6 year relationship just ended and what stuck out in his head is "I need space" which is confusing. If it wasn't, then he probably wouldn't have ever started this thread.
mishy Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 if she says she wants space, well give her space and multiply that by 1000 Give her all the space she needs, and surprise her with all her space. She will have so much space she won't know what to do with it. She'll be back after a coupel of weeks, wondering where you are. 1
Author NewUser222 Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 If she would have said JUST that. Then, no problem! Done Deal!!! But, she had to throw in that "I need space" comment. Thus, telling his head that there might be a chance; that there might be hope. You have to realize that a 6 year relationship just ended and what stuck out in his head is "I need space" which is confusing. If it wasn't, then he probably wouldn't have ever started this thread. I was wanting to see if anyone has ever had it work out after hearing the "i need space" line That is all I want, it has completely consumed me I am in love with her
CC12 Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I agree, I would much rather have a solid answer as to where our relationship stands instead of like you said just sitting around waiting and killing myself because I cant get any sort of response besides "i need space" But you're ignoring the more clear and more important part of her message. "Don't contact me." I can completely understand being confused by an ambiguous "I need space" when told this by a girlfriend you are currently dating. But when a girl who broke up with you four months ago says it, it means it's over. If you won't take her statement as an answer, then flat out ask her, "Do you want this to be over for good? I'd really appreciate a firm answer on this so I can move on." But it would look kind of silly asking her that since she just told you to give her space and stop contacting her, right? I think it's best you take this as your "final breakup." If she changes her mind, she can let you know.
KatZee Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 It has been 4 months and I am still dying inside. She just emailed me saying "I need space" and for you to stop trying to contact me everyday. It sounds like she needed some breathing room once the relationship ended, but instead of just letting it be, you've continued hounding her 4 months after the fact. You've tried contacting her EVERY DAY? Bad, bad, bad move. Hounding someone that wants out actually works against you. It pushes that person so far away. Your efforts aren't seen as endearing, they are seen as intrusive, annoying, bothersome, obnoxious. She doesn't want you to contact her, and it sucks because I get that you're in a tough spot, and you were supposed to move in, and this and that, but she no longer WANTS that. And there's nothing you can do to convince her otherwise. She needs to want that herself. You need to find comfort with other people. Your friends, family, etc. "I need space" isn't a really good term to hear. I used this with my ex, and at first it wasn't because there was someone else at all. It was genuinely because he was so overbearing. So needy. So clingy. I barely had enough space to breathe. He was just always THERE. Always needing something from me, being pathetic, being desperate. These are the worst things you can be for a woman. We don't find this behavior attractive. It's extremely off-putting, and I told him on two occasions that I needed space from him. I needed him to do his own thing, stop trying to be near me, or on me every second of every single day. At the end, I actually did wind up meeting someone else. And I used the "i need space" as a cheap cop-out to a full painful breakup. I didn't want to hurt him but I was so unhappy, so smothered, and I had hopes that he'd just get the hint and I'd just drift away. That really didn't happen, can't believe I thought it would, but I had to then tell him it was completely done.
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