timchambo Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I don't have any real objective to posting this, just need to get it off my chest. So I had been dating a girl for the last 8 months. Things were great at first. Eventually lead to us spending a lot of time together. It became obvious pretty quickly though, she was a bit immature emotionally. She grew up in a very different culture, so I always chalked it up to this. She let me know after about 4 months that she had a very rough up bringing...something most people would have a very tough time getting through. I accepted everything she told me and it impressed me so much that she was able to overcome such a struggle to become this strong person. Over the next 4 months she became a bit possessive, and verbally/emotionally abusive towards me. she would break up with me over tiny issues, and then would expect things to return to normal the next day. I had never experienced someone who supposedly loved me saying the things she was saying to me. About 3 weeks ago we went out with friends for the night, and the night ended with her physically attacking me....twice (she was sober), over her jealousy. The following few days I ignored all her texts and phone calls while I processed everything. I was heartbroken because I really cared for this person. I also wanted to give her a good relationship, and be a loving partner for her. After a week went by, I agreed to meet with her for dinner. I explained I wanted to take things slow. I really felt something inside died that night. I wanted to try and slowly rebuild what we had built the previous 8 months. After a few dinner dates we went to a movie Friday night. based on conversation just prior to the movie I could tell she was still feeling very insecure. This ended up leading to an argument which lasted into the movie which we ended up walking out from. We left and went home to talk for a bit. She left that night and we haven't talked since. I miss her each day. I know she really wants(ed) this to work out, but I just don't know anymore. I have had a feeling it was a bit unhealthy for a long time. maybe she needs some counseling for her issues. I do love her, but I don't know if this could work. Is it possible to love someone and not be right for each other? Keep in mind I am leaving out the entirety of all the generous things she would do and the things I found lovely about her personality.
LostInThought_1 Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Absolutely it is possible to love Someone and know its not right to be with them. My ex an I went through a similar situation and its hard, but what you are feeling now is an attachment issue. This article really helped me get through my tough time: Attachment Problems During Breakups - Why Breaking Up is Hard - Marie Claire
fetish1980 Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Yes it is possible to love someone and know it's not right to be with them. Just because two people love eachother does not mean they are supposed to be together. Your girlfriend/ex at the moment sounds very insecure with some self esteem issues. I don't think it is a healthy relationship if she is always throwing temper tandrums. It sounds like she draws these conclusions up in her head and quite frankly, that can be very dangerous. If she doesn't get these issues dealt with, there's no telling what she may be capable of. Best of luck fetish
a.b Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Sometimes it's just not meant to be sadly. I hope she works her own problems out. There is only so much you can do, she has to put in the effort too.
moveONorStay Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Really tough one...I was in an emotionally abusing and manipulative relationship with a lot of jealousy. My feelings for her led me to let my guard down and allow myself to be emotionally blackmailed and controlled into doing things at the expense of a couple of very good friendships. While there was never any physical violence, the shouting and the rage over seemingly small matters that I experienced was at a level I'd never experienced...it wasn't pleasant. I broke up with her and then regretted it immediately because I felt that the good parts of our relationship, the love, intimacy, chemistry and bond we had outweighed the bad parts...in hindsight I wished I had walked away sooner and not put myself through 2 extra months of issues, followed by nearly 6 weeks of trying to patch things up with her. It all comes down to loving yourself first and foremost. In a loving relationship, you shouldn't have to put up with abuse of any kind...physical violence is an absolute no no, but emotional abuse is sometimes even more damaging. I think you need to learn as much as you can from this, realize that this kind of behavior is not something you can change, nor should you have to put up with it. I really feel for you as your story echoes mine. You want to make things right because the good in you wants to help the good in her. But at the end of the day, you can only help yourself to grow, heal and be in a position to love a person who truly deserves it. I wish you the best.
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