mortensorchid Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 (edited) I am not sure where I stand on this issue, with women chasing men or not. I have read the old fashioned advice : don't chase men or they will loose interest in you. And then there is the more modern advice : if you want something, go for it and chase him. Well, which is it guys? Do you want a woman to do the chasing or not? And if the answer is yes, what is acceptable chasing and unacceptable chasing behaviors? I am just curious as to what others think. Edited October 22, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Title rename
Frank13 Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 If he isn't showing interest at all, what have you got to lose by chasing? There are women I have been attracted to but would not approach them because I think they aren't interested. Then there have been ones who showed interest, but not enough for me to know if they were just being friendly or wanted more, In that case I would want them to chase to let me know they are interested. Things not to do. Don't have him do home or auto repairs. You want him to associate fun and good times with you. If you get in a relationship, he will want to do these things for you, but the biggest turn off for me is a new woman wanting me to do chores.
mesmerized Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 It depends on the guy honestly. If you chase someone though, don't be desperate about it, even be cold sometimes so he doesnt think you're too interested. I think its not good if you show too much enthusiasm at first.
frustr8ed Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I wouldn't mind a woman chasing me. My head can be thicker than a cement wall at a ***ushima power plant (with similar results) when it comes to picking up signals. So a little help is welcome. I'm in the if you want it take it camp.
somedude81 Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I have absolutely nothing against women pursuing me.
xdahliax Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I wouldn't mind a woman chasing me. My head can be thicker than a cement wall at a ***ushima power plant (with similar results) when it comes to picking up signals. So a little help is welcome. I'm in the if you want it take it camp. I've always wondered about that. I always figured that if a guy pick up on my signals, he probably wasn't interested in seeing them in the first place. I guess I was wrong. I'd like to know how many guys are like you.
MrCastle Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I prefer chasing with the woman doing her part to let me know she's interested. All I ask is she keeps up with my flirtatious banter, texts me or calls me first every now and then, and doesn't flake when I offer date ideas, or if she does cancel dates, offers ideas and times for a make up date. The women who have chased me have made it annoyingly obvious they wanted me. I mean real clingy stuff. There is a happy medium where you let me know you're interested, but not obsessed. I had one girl who would call, I'd tell her "I was going to take a shower, let me call you back in 10 minutes". She would, without fail, call again exactly 10 minutes from then. Don't do that. 2
Ami1uwant Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I am not sure where I stand on this issue, with women chasing men or not. I have read the old fashioned advice : don't chase men or they will loose interest in you. And then there is the more modern advice : if you want something, go for it and chase him. Well, which is it guys? Do you want a woman to do the chasing or not? And if the answer is yes, what is acceptable chasing and unacceptable chasing behaviors? I am just curious as to what others think. It depends on what you call the chase? Many guys would like you to show interest that is obvious. Playing hard to get by being cold is not the way to do it. I have seen women who have a split personality...a professional demeaner and a personal one. I have had my share of women who arent clear in showing interest that I couldnt tell if it was me or how she just was. With alot men it usually takes a few meetings before you get to the point of being asked out. Many men are to shy , reserved, or respectful of women for them to talk with her for a few minutes and then ask her for a date in 2-4 minutes of chatting.
frustr8ed Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I've always wondered about that. I always figured that if a guy pick up on my signals, he probably wasn't interested in seeing them in the first place. I guess I was wrong. I'd like to know how many guys are like you. Many, the line between a woman just being nice and interested is extremely thin. So many times I have thought "I'm In!" but in reality I was standing on the moon.
GirlontheLam Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I seem to have super mixed results with "chasing. Haven't had enough success there to determine it is a good approach. I might go up and talk to you if the circumstances are right. I will drop hints if I am talking to you. But not really sure about the whole asking you out thing.....
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I think that people should be true to themselves while at the same time, being able to experiment outside of their comfort zone a bit. If you are an aggressive type of a woman, chase away. If a guy would be put off by that, I imagine that he would not be a good fit for you anyway. If you're shy, maybe you don't have it in you. But it might be worth getting up the nerve to make an approach. It IS good to go after what you want in life; it's also healthy to learn that rejection is highly survivable, even though sometimes it seems like that would be impossible. My main point is, though, that women should decide and act according to themselves - not based upon whether guys "like it" or not. 2
monkey00 Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I am not sure where I stand on this issue, with women chasing men or not. I have read the old fashioned advice : don't chase men or they will loose interest in you. And then there is the more modern advice : if you want something, go for it and chase him. Well, which is it guys? Do you want a woman to do the chasing or not? And if the answer is yes, what is acceptable chasing and unacceptable chasing behaviors? I am just curious as to what others think. As a guy, I agree with the modern advice. As opposed to conventional wisdom to avoid chasing which I feel is more outdated. Personally I like it when a woman chases me and wants to make plans if I'm attracted to her. I was recently seeing someone who messaged me and made plans with me as much as I did her. And I liked it a lot. Just about every woman I've dated in the past that had high interest level did take initiative to some degree. It's a good thing. I think a balance from both sides is a good fit.
phineas Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I've always wondered about that. I always figured that if a guy pick up on my signals, he probably wasn't interested in seeing them in the first place. I guess I was wrong. I'd like to know how many guys are like you. The problem is in today's world there is an epidemic of attention whoring. I remember a time back in highschool & college where if a woman wasn't interested in you, you were invisible to her. period. I'd say the generation that was early 20's about the yr 2000 is when I started seeing attention whoring on a grand scale. Back in the day.. if a woman even talked to me more than once it was a good sign she was interested. These days? I got 3 different buildings I work in & I constantly have women flirting with me & taking it sexual on a regular basis. How do I determine which women are truly interested & which are just seeking attention? Ask them all out? Yeah, that won't cause a problem for me at work at all. So I don't ask out women at work. period. I don't flirt sexually with them at work. Period. I'll joke around but keep it clean. If their interested they need to make the first move. They don't? Oh well, guess their just not that interested. 1
Emilia Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I have had my share of women who arent clear in showing interest that I couldnt tell if it was me or how she just was. With alot men it usually takes a few meetings before you get to the point of being asked out. Many men are to shy , reserved, or respectful of women for them to talk with her for a few minutes and then ask her for a date in 2-4 minutes of chatting. This is it. My current interest is a bit shy (which I find extremely adorable) and I suggested to hang out with a mutual group of friends yesterday as we have been chatting through facebook/text for a while but had only met once before last night. I flirted with him slightly and teased him, I also let him know I was very pleased that he joined us on my invite. I'm leaving the ball in his court now though to see whether he wants to see me again, even if not one-on-one just yet. I won't keep suggesting things if he isn't sufficiently interested to initiate something this time around. The 'give and take' option works best in my opinion. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I will chase to an extent. If I am STRONGLY interested in a guy, I will make sure he notices me. I might also suggest drinks or some 1-1 activity. If he hesitates, I move on. The key here is knowing when to cut your losses. And it IS mostly true that guys that are interested will initiate. 2
LittlePrince Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Do whatever you like realizing everything comes with consequences.
carhill Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Well, which is it guys? Do you want a woman to do the chasing or not?Either way is OK with me. Only women who've 'chased' me, so far, have been those who wish to drain my wallet, meaning women who disguise business aspirations as personal interest. Oh, also, some MW's. And if the answer is yes, what is acceptable chasing and unacceptable chasing behaviors?For myself, occasionally asking out on a date would be OK. Nothing over the top. Even taking my innocuous suggestion of going out and running with that, suggesting an enjoyed venue and appearing obviously enthusiastic would appear to be a nice 'chase' to me.
El Brujo Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I can only speak for myself, because I've been chased by women whom I was NOT attracted to. Be aware, however, that the human race is very bull headed about this... it's only in the last couple of decades that it's become acceptable for women to pursue men. It's still a big no-no in some countries.
runner Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 i don't mind women chasing me, but only to the extent of getting my attention. once she has it, i prefer to take the lead from there.
LittlePrince Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I will chase to an extent. If I am STRONGLY interested in a guy, I will make sure he notices me. I might also suggest drinks or some 1-1 activity. If he hesitates, I move on. The key here is knowing when to cut your losses. And it IS mostly true that guys that are interested will initiate. which is why you are in constant motion.
somedude81 Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 The problem is in today's world there is an epidemic of attention whoring. I remember a time back in highschool & college where if a woman wasn't interested in you, you were invisible to her. period. I'd say the generation that was early 20's about the yr 2000 is when I started seeing attention whoring on a grand scale. Back in the day.. if a woman even talked to me more than once it was a good sign she was interested. These days? I got 3 different buildings I work in & I constantly have women flirting with me & taking it sexual on a regular basis. How do I determine which women are truly interested & which are just seeking attention? Ask them all out? Yeah, that won't cause a problem for me at work at all. Yeah it's annoying that women flirt when they aren't really interested and talking sexual when they have no real intention to go there. I don't enjoy that game. I think it's because the boundaries of what made one a lady were completely destroyed. I'm not saying I want women to be prudes, but I don't want taken women and those who have no interest at all to make me think they want me.
Ruby Slippers Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Chasing a man would feel backwards to me, and I've never done it. I think the kind of relationship I want (serious one leading to marriage and a family) works best when the man is fired up enough that he wants to move it forward. If he doesn't see real potential with me and is only interested in something to pass the time, there's no point for me. My boyfriend and I have discussed this at some length, and we agree that things work best across the board when he's fired up to make things happen, and uses that internal motivation to act. In the instances when I've pushed something a bit, things felt less smooth and natural for us. I'm learning to just ask sweetly for what I want or need, with no pressure, then hang back and give him time and space to deliver. And he always does. It's a subtle and exciting mating dance that just keeps getting more interesting.
Recommended Posts