Biscous Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I recently moved to San Antonio from Atlanta over a year ago for a career opportunity. Love my job, love the people I work with. I just hate the fact that there is such a dry talent pool here. Just to flesh a bit of a picture of myself, I'm a black male, late 20s, athletic, keep in shape. This city seems like a downgrade for me honestly moving from Atlanta. I think my pain points here are: -there's a very slim amount of single people in my age group for a number of reasons -many women I meet are already attached, being in a military town and the fact that most of the population is mexican hispanic, many seem to marry early -many women I've met (partly due to culture) have kids at a young age, so it isn't hard for me to find a woman in her early 20s with two kids out of wedlock here -many overweight women I will say I don't find many Mexican women attractive so that kills some of my talent pool. I've been strongly considering moving to Austin for many reasons. The fact that it is a younger city. I think I would find more women there I find attractive and are more into me. Also more active. I feel here that if I'm not in a serious relationship with someone or have kids I'm out of place. I just got out of a relationship a few months ago and quite serious, but now I am emotionally available for someone else, but I'm finding a really difficult time finding women I'm attracted to. Them attracted to me, sure, but not the other way. Even if they are someone I find attractive, they are in a relationship, or based on odds not into me. I find this really frustrating right now considering I just recently dealt with a breakup.
CC12 Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I think it's usually a mistake to blame your lack of success on everyone else, and/or your surroundings. And honestly, it just comes across as a little snobbish to have the attitude of, "Ugh, this city and the people in it are so below me." I know that's not quite what you said, but from my perspective, you came a little close. I just mention these things because it's something you might want to keep in check, because those attitudes can become problematic. Anyway, San Antonio is a huge city with lots of things going on, lots of different kinds of people. I'm sure you could make it work there. Socialize until your pants fall off. It could be fun. But Austin is a pretty amazing place with pretty amazing people. The only downsides are the costs of living in a decent neighborhood, and the horrific traffic. Other than that, it's beautiful and it probably would be easier to find younger, more active people. But it's not a magical place. You're still going to have to socialize until your pants fall off.
Hawaii50 Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Those two cities are incomparable. Austin Vs. Atlanta is something, but San Antonio, never. I hear awesome things about Austin. I'm sure there are plenty of people there, so I'd suggest just keep trying and getting out there. Not much else you can do except move. : / Sorry for the lack of advice, but I'm sure you already weighed most your options.
Author Biscous Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 I think it's usually a mistake to blame your lack of success on everyone else, and/or your surroundings. And honestly, it just comes across as a little snobbish to have the attitude of, "Ugh, this city and the people in it are so below me." I know that's not quite what you said, but from my perspective, you came a little close. I just mention these things because it's something you might want to keep in check, because those attitudes can become problematic. Anyway, San Antonio is a huge city with lots of things going on, lots of different kinds of people. I'm sure you could make it work there. Socialize until your pants fall off. It could be fun. But Austin is a pretty amazing place with pretty amazing people. The only downsides are the costs of living in a decent neighborhood, and the horrific traffic. Other than that, it's beautiful and it probably would be easier to find younger, more active people. But it's not a magical place. You're still going to have to socialize until your pants fall off. I know it could come off of that and can sometimes be counterproductive to be successful dating, but that is what I've seen thus far. I've moved around quite a bit in my life (10+ times) so my attitude might come across as snobbish slightly, but it isn't completely off. And certainly, regardless anywhere I will have to socialize. I could do it more here. I just find it more difficult. I've done several things here. Hit up museums. Did the downtown bar scene (which honestly at this point in my life I'm not as much into bars. Most of my friends at work are already married or in serious relationships. I feel like I should be settled down here lol. I mentioned that the women I encounter, many are in relationships, or have been married and have kids. People here have kids early. This isn't necessarily a singles city. I have gone on some dates, but not entirely encountering the women I'm strongly attracted to. That could happen anywhere so I can't blame anyone but myself and timing that's fine. But I will continue the search. I'm fairly active in activities around the city thus far and looking for other opportunities. Thanks for the advice thus far!
2sure Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 Im older than you, and not looking for the same type of relationships you are ...but years ago I seriously dated a man who had to move to San Antonio from NYC and although it was a beautiful city to visit and go to sporting events...I wouldnt make the move and we had to break up. He is in Arkansas now, so I dodged a bullet. Ive spent most of my life since college in NYC and DC, two years ago after divorce I landed safely and softly back in my hometown. Ive started dating and I realized - I just dont fit here. The transition from major city to midsized or small ..is just huge.
Author Biscous Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 I feel like I'm in the same boat. I'm a late-twenties, active, in-shape working professional who is finding it hard to find reasonably attractive women who aren't married or otherwise engaged. I'm not the only one having this problem either, quite a few of my friends are as well. Bar scene doesn't really work for me, and never has, since I'm no alpha male, and I'm not tall. I don't let my shortcomings stop me, however it's still just not easy going in this place. I can't help but draw similarities between my situation and city, and the guy who created the topic. Glad you understand. Where do you live now? Im older than you, and not looking for the same type of relationships you are ...but years ago I seriously dated a man who had to move to San Antonio from NYC and although it was a beautiful city to visit and go to sporting events...I wouldnt make the move and we had to break up. He is in Arkansas now, so I dodged a bullet. Ive spent most of my life since college in NYC and DC, two years ago after divorce I landed safely and softly back in my hometown. Ive started dating and I realized - I just dont fit here. The transition from major city to midsized or small ..is just huge. Where do you live now? I think the transition IS indeed bothering me and this isn't my ideal place for lifestyle so I have to make a move. Thankfully my boss is open to the idea of me moving to Austin - which is a much better city for me in terms of lifestyle as I mentioned. I've actually had no problem meeting women up there. Problem is it's an hour away from where I live. I moved around a lot and there were certain places I didn't fit too. My dad said I was complaining, making excuses. I will say I've made great friends here, but WANTING to date and not finding much here is killing me and I feel like I'm being punished lol.
2sure Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 I moved around a lot and there were certain places I didn't fit too. My dad said I was complaining, making excuses. I will say I've made great friends here, but WANTING to date and not finding much here is killing me and I feel like I'm being punished lol. Im still in NYS but in a small city. It IS like being punished. There is nothing wrong with this city - I would highly recommend it & it has much more to offer than people think. Ive made excellent real estate investments I could not have in other cities. See...I have to defend myself because I really do not fit in and want to move back to NYC or DC. Either. There are no freaking cabs. I have to drive everywhere. I have to drive my daughter everywhere. In the city she could take a train or cab to her hearts content, she is almost 17 - she is old enough to be independent but not experienced enough to drive all over the place. Plus, I love dinner and cocktails out - but Im not going to drink and drive. There are cabs of course but you must literally arrange in advance. Flights. I cant go anywhere BUT JFK direct for any reasonable amount of money and have to connect to get almost anywhere else. Urgency. NO sense of urgency. Its as though people are stumbling about wondering where they are going. Lead, Follow, or get the F out of my way. Dinner seating ENDS at 8:30. If you are at a table at 10 - you are holding up the entire staff. Ambition here is a BAD thing. To be ambitious or competitive means you insult others. People leave work at 5. Doesnt matter if the world will end unless they stay...out at 5. Sigh. The people are great, really nice. Funny, unpretentious, Polite, Salt of the Earth. I gotta get outta here 1
Emilia Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 A slightly different location here but similar viewpoints to some of the posters. I live in London but would love to live in the country. In a smaller, pretty little town or completely in the country side but I'm single and that would jeopardise my dating potentials. In smaller towns most people are settled, you don't see many singles around my age and they certainly don't have the liberal approach that we tend to do in London. I also agree that different areas have different history therefore the population make up is different. It's not just a matter of moving addresses, it's also changing lifestyles. People don't go out as much in smaller towns, the women are often not that ambitious, people have dinner parties, there are no live concerts, no meetup groups for surfing, etc. The demographic can indeed be very very different from what would work for you 2
Author Biscous Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 So I'm not alone in this feeling I think I know my next moves now, but I will make the best of my situation right now and not complain. I can concede in the fact that this isn't the place for me to live, especially at my age and the lifestyle I want. 2sure I lived in the Northern VA / DC area before. Really good area. Where do you live currently in NY?
Author Biscous Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 Buffalo. Go Bills. Yes, thats right. Yea you're the city type But I didn't make this thread to confirm my own feelings. I just wanted to see if anyone experienced similar. I guess I will start thinking of how I can move to Austin because that place is a better fit for me.
2sure Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 Some people who I have confessed my feelings to have kind of made me feel bad or as if I am being a snob because I prefer "the big city" - its the opposite for me really. I like being just a face in a crowd, I like the energy. Do whats right for you, moving is a great big deal and it should be! It changes your Life. I hope you do it.
Author Biscous Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 I live in Baltimore, and honestly it's probably the worst place I've ever lived, other than Iraq, and I've lived in many other states and cities, as well as other countries. Even unattractive women who don't have great jobs expect the world from a guy in this place, it really gets old. At some point something has to give, I can only hope, and keep trying. You're close to DC, but I understand the distance. San Antonio to Austin is an hour away but it is difficult to meet a chick that is one city over, even that close. I hate being 'snobby' about it but yeah I need to make the move!
Recommended Posts