dreaming of italy Posted July 30, 2004 Posted July 30, 2004 [font=arial][/font] I've always been in dysfunctional relationships that were overflowing with emotions and "I Love You" seemed to be blurted out immediately. Well, currently I believe i'm in one of my first functional relationships and I made a comment within the first 3 months that I don't want to just say I love you and only partially mean it and I continued on to say that I always rushed to say I love you and really didn't take the time to truly define that love. Confusing I know, but my story is a bit more complicated than that..... I should mention I had a father that killed himself and therefore ruined my trust in men forever..... the thoughts of "will he leave?"... insecurity issues/ fears of getting hurt again. Well, recently "I love you" has been this statement lurking, waiting to come out of my mouth, but i'm afraid of being hurt or rejected due to my father's death. My boyfriend's mother died recently (before we met) and I sense a fear with him as well. I guess i'm scared because i'm not sure how to tell whether or not he feels the same. He always tells me i'm beautiful. He always holds me, kisses me. He's always asking me if i'm safe because i work at an urban school. The fact that he's a "normal guy" as opposed to the other odd individuals i've dated i'm having trouble with figuring out if he loves me. So, what i'm asking after all my ramblings is.... How can a woman tell if the man she's dating loves her????? Help!
uriel Posted August 1, 2004 Posted August 1, 2004 3 months is still pretty soon for the L word. Give this more time. He'll say it when he's ready and means it. Meanwhile, enjoy what's between you without always trying to fix it with permanence. You need to allow the relationship to evolve naturally. The fact that he's into you and steady in his actions suggests that he's interested in allowing the relationship to evolve, too. -- uriel
Tech76 Posted August 1, 2004 Posted August 1, 2004 Hmmmn....interesting question. I would look to see if he wants to spend time with you. Would he rather do that or needs to be doing something else. But remember that guys need some space once in awhile.
Author dreaming of italy Posted August 3, 2004 Author Posted August 3, 2004 Well, actually we've been dating for 8 months now and he's recently said things to verify that he really cares. He told me last night that he's intimidated by my success at my job and he wants to start his own business because he feels at his job he'll always be mediocre. We were discussing his business idea with a friend of mine and he was a bit snappy towards me at a point then told me that wasn't the boyfriend, that was the business him. Then he continued to say that he was doing this for me in a sense and couldn't do it without my support. He told me last night he feels at times pressure to be successful and I stress that I never put pressure on his paycheck or him in general. So.... I don't know. Still confused. I love him, but i know losing a parent necessitates that one is given time and understanding so at times I really want to tell him how I feel, but I don't want to put pressure on him if he feels that already. Does he love me? Will my declaration of my love for him give him a boost of confidence?
uriel Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 He's certainly communicating to you how important you are to him now and, he hopes, in the near future. Whenever you tell someone you love him first, you're taking a risk. Only you can know for certain whether you are willing to take that risk now. There are many reasons to do it now (loss of mother can also make him want a deeper connection with you, fear of starting a new business, desire to know you believe in him, time spent together: 8 months). The timing's as good as any in my book. You'd just need to decide whether to wait for an open response from him (I would) or tell him not to worry about responding now (why give him a chance to back out?). -- uriel
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