malmsu09 Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Why is the guy that hurt me so bad the only one who can make me feel better? How do I stop these feelings? *sigh*
Calico Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 The first step is to realize that he is the source of the pain and, as such, cannot be the cure. The relief that contact with him offers is short-lived and gives you a false, dangerous sense of comfort and all-right-ness. He doesn't make you feel better, he makes you feel worse -- but you need to widen your view to really see that clearly. It's just like with any other form of addiction: When you withdraw from the substance, you feel that only the substance can make you feel better, but if you get the fix, you just put yourself on square one again. The only way out (really: through) is to endure these feelings, to resist the urge, to keep going even when you believe you can't. Start by really wanting to get better, and by being willing to do what it takes. 1
LosinginLove Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 How do I stop these feelings? *sigh* Give it time. Time will heal all wounds. I promise. It's been almost 2 months since my fiance walked out on me and It was VERY hard to cope in the beginning. The way things happened between us made me see a totally different side of him. I would've never imagined that the person I loved would hurt me so bad. I was blindsided by LOVE. I put my heart in his hands because I was certain it would be safe there but, NOPE. I've been taking this time to rediscover myself after being in a relationship for 9 years. Reconnecting with friends, catching up on reading & doing things I enjoy. I'm trying to relax and stay grounded. You should surround yourself with a strong support system. That's how I'm making it through. Get out the house, go see a movie with a friend, go out to dinner, go shopping etc. Do things to keep your mind occupied.
LosinginLove Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 The first step is to realize that he is the source of the pain and, as such, cannot be the cure. Sooooo true.
sendme Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 The first step is to realize that he is the source of the pain and, as such, cannot be the cure. The relief that contact with him offers is short-lived and gives you a false, dangerous sense of comfort and all-right-ness. He doesn't make you feel better, he makes you feel worse -- but you need to widen your view to really see that clearly. It's just like with any other form of addiction: When you withdraw from the substance, you feel that only the substance can make you feel better, but if you get the fix, you just put yourself on square one again. The only way out (really: through) is to endure these feelings, to resist the urge, to keep going even when you believe you can't. Start by really wanting to get better, and by being willing to do what it takes. seriously this is so true, I read an author who compares her addiction to drugs and alcohol to an abusive relationship... it breaks your spirit, tears apart your life, and eats up all the wonderful pieces of you, and yet even when you have the perfect out the only thing that you think will make you feel better is one more fix...
Recommended Posts