M2155 Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 I'm sure some variation of this question has been asked before but here goes. I met one of my ex's best friends and there was strong mutual attraction so we went out few times. This guy was not in the circle-of-friends when my ex and I were dating so we didn't know each other (I think he didn't live here yet) but they are real cool now. This is an ex of mine from over 5 years ago that broke up with me and I'm not in contact with him aside from the casual passing around town. I only made the connection between he and my ex through facebook photos. He confirmed that they hang out all the time so of course I told him about my history with his buddy. I'm sure my ex is long over me as I am long over him, but he is single and casually flirts when he sees me (which he may do with everyone). So in light of this new information, have I stumbled upon another unfortunate situation? I have no animosity toward my ex and my interest in this guy is genuine. I don't know if the guy is willing to risk his friendship, but he is keeping it quiet and seems to be feeling me out for how serious I am about dating him. You don't click with someone like this everyday (we are in our late 30s), but I don't want to be the cause for breaking up a long happy bromance:(. I guess my question is, are there any circumstances where you would give your blessing to your best friend dating your ex? (And actually mean it). I can't imagine any of my friends wanting to date an ex of mine, but I have no reason to oppose it.
LittlePrince Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 It is okay if the ex and friend are women.
Jane2011 Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Although I think the situation could be a little sticky, for the most part, I think you're in the clear for the following reasons 1) you were with the ex over five years ago. That's a long damn time. 2) you say your ex is very over you. If that's true, (and we have no reason to not take your word), it shouldn't be a big deal. That said, these things are still a big deal to some people. It might also depend on how long you were with your ex. How long? I'm in a similar situation as you. Mine's not as problematic, though, for a few reasons. Last year, I dated a guy for two months who I had girlfriend status with. We ended because I couldn't deal with him being in an open relationship. He's not so much an ex as he is someone I dated. In early August, I started dating a guy who is a an ex-classmate, distant friend of the guy from last year. They aren't good friends, though. More like (from the perspective of the guy I'm with): "We talked at school about intellectual matters, and we went for coffee a few times together."
truth_seeker Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 (edited) I guess my question is, are there any circumstances where you would give your blessing to your best friend dating your ex? (And actually mean it). I can't imagine any of my friends wanting to date an ex of mine, but I have no reason to oppose it. I don't see how this works? Sounds too twisted to even consider this. I wouldn't be too happy knowing my best friend used to have sex with the woman I'm in love with or that my best friend is with a woman I used to once love. I would think you would value your friendship more than this. Edited October 22, 2012 by truth_seeker
Author M2155 Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Maybe. I am having a hard time imagining myself being in any position to hold a grudge against my friend if she decided to date my ex. A fresh ex or one that I have feelings for absolutely more awkward, but otherwise I want my exes to be happy because I know they are good people but were wrong for me. For me in this case I have absolutely no feelings and I didn't love him-we were together 2 years too long. That's just me though, for all I know my ex could have loved me and I don't think he would be cool with it in any case. I TOTALLY get why it seems wrong, I'm just asking is that always the case. As far as I'm concerned, I'm free to date his father if I wanted (ok maybe THAT would be weird lol). The dilemma is more for the new guy, but I could make it easy and bow out :-|
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