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He said he loves me..but he's married

jennifernyc84

By jennifernyc84
in The Other Man / Woman

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While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

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Tenacity Established Member

Tenacity

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Proof, how?

 

And if she does wanna talk to me, what the heck do i say to her +

 

I just meant that if he did tell her that he wants a divorce and he's in love with you, he should no longer have problems calling you from home, and he should be able to see you without sneaking around, etc. You should notice a difference in his actions, even if you don't talk directly with his W.

 

My ex-MM's W wanted mostly to talk (or rather, yell) AT me, not with me, during that phone call after he told her. She was crying - sobbing, really - and she was hurt and angry beyond what I can put into words. Her pain was almost palpable.

 

She screamed at me (at that point she was blaming it all on me) and threatened me. She actually threatened my life. She threatened to come after me and kill me and told me not to underestimate her. And at that point I hadn't even slept with her H yet.... it was all emotional A only. Not that that makes it any less of an A.

 

The next day he told me that he couldn't believe he hurt her so much. It really seemed to devastate him. He started (for the first time) waffling on divorcing her (at that point we were deep in plans to live together, to the point of having the apartment picked out). He continued to waffle for the next several months and YEARS... and I, like a stupid idiot, put up with it, because I didn't want to lose him. I put up with whatever scrap he offered me.

 

Honestly, I can't believe I participated in putting an innocent woman through that much pain. I do know things about her (objectively, through other people) and I don't think much of her as a person, but he was (is) HER husband. He was never mine. She had every right to be angry at me and hate me. I didn't give any thought to her, only to myself.

 

I loved him more than I can ever express. In the end my heart was shattered and I was devastated (ask anyone here who remembers my old threads). The pain that I went through was excruciating and it almost destroyed me. All I want is to spare someone else that kind of pain.

 

But I deserved every bit of it. I made the choices and I was in no way innocent. I caused a lot of people a lot of hurt because of my selfishness. I would give anything to go back and make different decisions. The pain wasn't worth it.

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Tenacity Established Member

Tenacity

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I'm so happy i could cry

 

That's great news!!! A hot shower must sound like heaven.

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jennifernyc84 Established Member

jennifernyc84

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That's great news!!! A hot shower must sound like heaven.

 

That was the first thing i did! You have no idea how good a hot shower is when you've taken ice cold ones for the past four days.

 

 

Still no word from Josh.

 

I hate this. I do. I feel like I'm letting a murder take place.

 

You're exactly right. It feels terrible knowing that my happiness, our happiness, had to cause her so much pain.

 

I feel so selfish, really selfish. But he shouldn't stay if he's nit happy, right?

 

I know that this really can't be justified, but, he deserves to be happy.

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

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Proof, how?

 

And if she does wanna talk to me, what the heck do i say to her +

 

Tell her the truth. How you feel about him and let her know what he's told you - That he loves you and wants to marry you. That is your truth, all that you know.

 

Only person who knows the real truth is MM aka Josh.

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

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I feel so selfish, really selfish. But he shouldn't stay if he's nit happy, right?

 

It's just a shame that he's going to give up on his marriage so quickly without trying to give it his best and allow his wife to give her best as well before throwing in towel after 3 years of marriage.

 

For your sake, I hope it's worth it.

veryhappy Established Member

veryhappy

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I believe the opposite. If he doesn't want to be there, and they don't agree on something as important as kids, why postpone? Once they have kids they're just one of the couples with 20 year long rough patches who tough it out.

 

Jennifer, I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you. I know exactly what you are going through, I waited for the same conversation, not even knowing if he was going to confess or not. I could feel the time nanosecond by nanosecond. Even if tells her, don't get your hopes up. The attachment on that side puts them in their place. ExMM came with a long list of things she blamed him for, more guilty than he'd ever imagined he would be and I just knew it was all lost for me. He sent me a message late at night "how did I get here?" and it was just over, as much as he wanted to believe he was still going to get a divorce for a while after.

Edited by cutedragon
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2sunny Established Member

2sunny

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I saw this saying today and thought of you.

 

What I allow - is what will continue.

Tenacity Established Member

Tenacity

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I saw this saying today and thought of you.

 

What I allow - is what will continue.

 

Sounds a lot like... "We teach others how to treat us."

 

I fully agree. :)

2sunny Established Member

2sunny

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Sounds a lot like... "We teach others how to treat us."

 

I fully agree. :)

 

Yes, but the responsibility is put back on he person ALLOWING it - making it heir own responsibility instead of blaming someone else!

 

I am responsible for me - how I participate - and for what I allow.

 

And I'm also responsible for changing the things that I can.

Mount Established Member

Mount

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I don't understand, why you are having so many hating, grumpy replies here to OWs, or at [infidelity sub-forum] to that betrayed husband, asking him to leave his wife right away.

 

What happened in your past had happened, just LET IT GO. No need to use here as a outlet. It is not helpful AT ALL.

 

Your more neutral, fair comments will be more useful I suppose.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/354854-my-wife-cheated-me-her-boss

 

Nothing yet?[/QUOTE]
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jennifernyc84 Established Member

jennifernyc84

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Nothing yet?

 

Not a word...its been five hours. I'm not gonna call him. I don't think he told her, he would've called me. I can't believe he did this to me again.

 

Not unless its really bad, and they're still talking..but five hours ?

 

It can't be, he didn't tell her.

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jennifernyc84 Established Member

jennifernyc84

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I saw this saying today and thought of you.

 

What I allow - is what will continue.

 

Thank you for thinking of me :-)

 

And i totally agree. But can i tell you, i do feel a little stronger. And I'm serious about the no sex thing...

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2sunny Established Member

2sunny

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Thank you for thinking of me :-)

 

And i totally agree. But can i tell you, i do feel a little stronger. And I'm serious about the no sex thing...

 

Glad you're getting stronger... Sorry it's taking pain to motivate your strength.

 

Have a healthy boundary and enforcing it will help YOU get to a better place.

 

I'm a believer that love doesn't include this kind of pain... To me, love feels much different than pain.

 

Hugs

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veryhappy Established Member

veryhappy

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Not a word...its been five hours. I'm not gonna call him. I don't think he told her, he would've called me. I can't believe he did this to me again.

 

Not unless its really bad, and they're still talking..but five hours ?

 

It can't be, he didn't tell her.

 

Such a discussion takes hours, and you don't even know if he'd be able to get in touch with you after it. I suggest you sleep and see if you hear from him tomorrow.

Tenacity Established Member

Tenacity

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Maybe because this board is not for the creation of faux "Lifetime" movie treatments? But, here we are again, anyway.

 

Do not agree with you (and from your posts, which I agreed with until now, I'm surprised by this reply).

 

If threads are going to be deleted here based on the comment you made, there would be no threads.

BrokenPrincess Established Member

BrokenPrincess

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Such a discussion takes hours, and you don't even know if he'd be able to get in touch with you after it. I suggest you sleep and see if you hear from him tomorrow.

 

Good advice, although I'm sure it will be hard for you to unwind. Hopefully not hearing from him means he's in the thick of it. Otherwise, he would be a SUPREME coward not to reach out (text,call,etc) to give you a lame excuse as to why he didn't tell her/what's going on. Trust me, you can always sneak your phone in your pocket & pop in the bathroom if absolutely necessary to at least give your AP a quick update when needed. Leaving you in limbo all night is not a loving move.

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jennifernyc84 Established Member

jennifernyc84

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Do not agree with you (and from your posts, which I agreed with until now, I'm surprised by this reply).

 

If threads are going to be deleted here based on the comment you made, there would be no threads.

 

Lmao! Well said..you really made me laugh

2sunny Established Member

2sunny

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You could take action and text or call him...

ThatJustHappened Established Member

ThatJustHappened

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Maybe because this board is not for the creation of faux "Lifetime" movie treatments? But, here we are again, anyway.

 

Meh..if it's not true, at least it's fun to talk about..especially for those of us who are STILL STUCK AT WORK! I've been here since 6am for **** sake!!!! If I didn't love my stupid job so stupid much I would stupid quit right now!!!

 

Sorry..needed to rant for a second..I'm all done now.

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jennifernyc84 Established Member

jennifernyc84

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Good advice, although I'm sure it will be hard for you to unwind. Hopefully not hearing from him means he's in the thick of it. Otherwise, he would be a SUPREME coward not to reach out (text,call,etc) to give you a lame excuse as to why he didn't tell her/what's going on. Trust me, you can always sneak your phone in your pocket & pop in the bathroom if absolutely necessary to at least give your AP a quick update when needed. Leaving you in limbo all night is not a loving move.

 

I don't know what to think. Hopefully in the morning, he'll call...either way, i need to know what the heck is going on.

 

he should've called me one way our the other though.

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jennifernyc84 Established Member

jennifernyc84

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You could take action and text or call him...

 

No, I'll just wait it out

twinsmom Established Member

twinsmom

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Hate to sound like a naysayer, but this is how it will probably go:

 

Him: "I couldn't tell her because (fill in the blank)...(Mom-in-law's surgery, damage from hurricane, Thanksgiving's coming up, etc..) If you let that go, and accept it, then it will become Christmas, New Year, Valentines Day, etc..Yes, I admit that I an cynical. But also realistic. I don't believe that this man has any intention of telling his wife he wants a divorce, let alone actually asking her for one. I believe you are being played for sex, and if you do follow through on your resolve to not have sex with him until he makes a move in the direction of asking for a divorce, then I think you probably won't hear from him again. If you decide to wait for him to do what he has SAID he will do, but continue to have sex with him, then you're just totally disregarding everything everyone has told you on here, and you will be here every day complaining about how things are not working out the way you want them to.

 

Good luck..Sincerely..

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2sunny Established Member

2sunny

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No, I'll just wait it out

 

You could be waiting forever. He may never tell her.

 

It's really a decision only you can make that considers ONLY and mainly YOUR best interest.

 

I can tell you from my experience - if your not willing to look out for YOUR best interest - no one else will - it's something you do for you.

 

And not doing that - is simply a betrayal of self.

2sunny Established Member

2sunny

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I saw this saying today and thought of you.

 

What I allow - is what will continue.

 

This still applies...

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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