Mysteryhopeful Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 If you are in the early stages of dating a girl, you have been out with each other a number of times, have slept with each other a number of times also, BUT you find/get the feeling that you are the one who always brings up the topic of meeting up, should you change this situation somehow? Would you hold off being the one initiating things for a while?? I dont want to fall into the trap of being the more needy one and I could be going down that road if things continue as are. I am guessing there may have been threads on this before I dont know.
Author Mysteryhopeful Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 And if I hold off, within what time would you reasonably expect to be asked out by the girl?
Author Mysteryhopeful Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Any advice here folks? Or am I over thinking this
Author Mysteryhopeful Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 We didn't jump in the sack on the first date. You took a serious leapt there based off what I said
Author Mysteryhopeful Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 And I work with the girl so I knew her for over 6 months before we began dating
phineas Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 She wants you to lead. She never initiates but when you do you get laid. She also probably doesn't bother you with useless texting or rambling phone calls correct? WTF more do you want? LOL! She's sitting at home waiting for you to call because some form of female retardation won't allow her to contact you. Or she's just lazy & expects the man to handle that part. But, it looks like she's being the woman & taking care of her part so again, what's the problem? If she changes it won't be until you are an item & serious if at all so just learn to read her mind, or pick up hints on things she wants to do & make it happen or don't because you are now calling the shots. End it if it's too much work. Sometimes always being the man with the plan is too much work.
LittlePrince Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 If you are in the early stages of dating a girl, you have been out with each other a number of times, have slept with each other a number of times also, BUT you find/get the feeling that you are the one who always brings up the topic of meeting up, should you change this situation somehow? Would you hold off being the one initiating things for a while?? I dont want to fall into the trap of being the more needy one and I could be going down that road if things continue as are. I am guessing there may have been threads on this before I dont know. Stop initiating for a week. If they never contact you in that time move on. If they contact you afterwards tell them you moved on. If you are this involved with someone you should be in constant touch. They call you and you call them every other day at the very least.
mlpony Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 If you are in the early stages of dating a girl, you have been out with each other a number of times, have slept with each other a number of times also, BUT you find/get the feeling that you are the one who always brings up the topic of meeting up, should you change this situation somehow? Would you hold off being the one initiating things for a while?? I dont want to fall into the trap of being the more needy one and I could be going down that road if things continue as are. I am guessing there may have been threads on this before I dont know. We women are taught not to initiate contact. But then dating is like a dance and sometimes you want the other person to lead just for a change. If so, just hold back a bit and see if she contacts you. If she does, and you like her, act really appreciative and warm. Sometimes it's hard for us to call the guy as we feel it's not our "role" and we are being too pushy if we do. 1
Author Mysteryhopeful Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Phineas you are spot on what you said she doesn't bother me with rambling texts/calls etc. and yes usually when I ask if she wants to meet up, she does or else if she is unavailable we arrange another night. So I guess you are probably right when you say what is the problem. I believe I may be over thinking this. But, on the other hand, could it also be the case that I like her more than she likes me if I am the one always doing the arranging and chasing etc. am I over thinking this? If I stop the chase, will she come to me?
Author Mysteryhopeful Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Mlpony, if you were the girl in this situation, and I stopped contacting and arranging things, would you get in touch?? I am hoping so if she is genuinely interested. And if she doesn't, well I would assume she isn't too interested. Am I thinking right here?
kerme Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 OP, sorry but I think you're way off with your thinking. Okay, so you like her. Why would you ruin a potentially good thing by playing games? Contact her if you want to talk to her. You can always talk to her about her initiating more contact later down the road. You can't even get to that point if you stop speaking with her. Is it really so bad for the guy to do the initiaing in the beginning?
Author Mysteryhopeful Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Maybe you are right Kerme. But, wait for it... Add to things that she is currently in the process of breaking up with her current bf... So does this now change your advice??
LittlePrince Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 What??? You are dating a cheater? Everyone needs love.
Author Mysteryhopeful Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 I guess so Emilia... My own fault getting into this situation. She is trying to clean up everything there currently. Although, everything is not yet cleared and I don't have a timeframe. Have been told to be patient..
kerme Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 What??? You are dating a cheater? Mysteryhopeful, is this the same girl from your other posts? I just did a search on them. She still hasn't broken up with him or moved out? How long do you think you'll wait for her? Does she have any plans to move out? Has she found another place? If not, it might be a good idea to slow things down. Be honest with her. Let her know that you want to date her but that she needs to break up with her boyfriend and move out. Any way you can help her find another place to live?
Author Mysteryhopeful Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Hey Kerme. Yes same girl. She is still trying to find a place and I know this to be 100% true. She has been looking at numerous places every week and she updates me on this. Maybe you are right about telling her that I want to date her but that she needs to sort her things out. But, is that forcing her hand? I tried to do something like that by way of text before and she never responded to it. I am guessing either a) it was a msg she didn't want to get or b) she didn't know what to say. Annoyed me at the time if I'm being honest. Since then, I have opted to not bring up her bf at all and that situation. At least until she finds a place, something which I am still being patient with. we have seen each other since. But, it tends to be me initiating meetings.
Emilia Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 But you are seeing a liar. You are seeing someone who has sex with two people in simultaneous relationships. You are dating someone who has trouble with healthy boundaries. She doesn't care about you and doesn't care about her boyfriend. She is purposefully dodging your questions and doesn't care whom she hurts in the process. You want to have a relationship with someone like this? Is this the best you can do?
Author Mysteryhopeful Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 I think Christmas is as far as I would be willing to wait for her to have found a place and finished things with her bf. I think if I was in the same situation at that point, I would be annoyed enough to forget the whole thing. The problem is should I continue to initiate things in the meantime? I'm trying to keep things casual but I'm not sure if I may just be delaying pain for myself down the line!
Author Mysteryhopeful Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 You are probably right Emilia...
Emilia Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I think Christmas is as far as I would be willing to wait for her to have found a place and finished things with her bf. I think if I was in the same situation at that point, I would be annoyed enough to forget the whole thing. The problem is should I continue to initiate things in the meantime? I'm trying to keep things casual but I'm not sure if I may just be delaying pain for myself down the line! Well since you don't appear to have a huge amount of self-respect by dating a cheater, you won't make it much worse by being a complete dormat too
Emilia Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 You are probably right Emilia... I think you should dump her and find a nice girl who cares about you. Don't sell yourself this cheap. Seriously.
Author Mysteryhopeful Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Your last comment was slightly harsh Emilia!
Emilia Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Your last comment was slightly harsh Emilia! I know and I'm sorry but you have to see the light.
Author Mysteryhopeful Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Thanks Emilia. Some words were a little harsh but you are probably right. Harsh but true... 1
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