Rob2183 Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 OK, so I guess ill just get right into it, I met this girl back in August and we hit it off really fast, we like the same things such as music, sports, activites shes really awesome. She lives about 40 min away from me so I see every few weeks shes pretty busy. Heres where im confused we text all day, goodmorning texts by both good night texts all that..we have skype dates talk on the phone we arent together but it seems like it. The thing is she says that I'm perfect and i treat her so good which I do, Now i have a hard time trusting girls due to past relationships and for this girl I let her in and im pretty nervous about it cuz i dont want to get hurt again. I really do like this girl and have feelings. I just dont wanna keep texting her like all day cuz i dont wanna fall more just incase it doesnt work out. I tried not texting her for a few hours yesterday and she texted me asking why i wasnt texting her...anyway any advice for me would help me out I think about her alot i just dont want to text her all day cuz i feel as though she will get sick of me, and i def dont want that.
River Rain Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Best advice is treat this relationship as though you were never hurt before. If you really like her, if you really like texting her as often as you do and she likes you and likes the contact in return, why bring past baggage in? Nobody wants to get hurt, but if you start playing the hot and cold game with her she might lose interest. 4
Author Rob2183 Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 Best advice is treat this relationship as though you were never hurt before. If you really like her, if you really like texting her as often as you do and she likes you and likes the contact in return, why bring past baggage in? Nobody wants to get hurt, but if you start playing the hot and cold game with her she might lose interest. Thanks River Rain, its not that i dont want to talk to her cuz i always do...I guess im jsut cautious of messing it up. I prob dont make any sense
River Rain Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 You make sense, I think you're just letting your past hurts influence this potential relationship too much because you might be feeling insecure. She already was curious why you went cold on her for a few hours, so I think it's a given that she likes the attention. 1
Author Rob2183 Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 You make sense, I think you're just letting your past hurts influence this potential relationship too much because you might be feeling insecure. She already was curious why you went cold on her for a few hours, so I think it's a given that she likes the attention. I know she likes the attention, she says alot of things that makes me like her more like Im the one, she wants to be my one and only now she says this when shes drunk but she says she means it, i have trust issues cuz i just dont wanna be let down again.
River Rain Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 I know she likes the attention, she says alot of things that makes me like her more like Im the one, she wants to be my one and only now she says this when shes drunk but she says she means it, i have trust issues cuz i just dont wanna be let down again. Nobody wants to be let down. But it's up to you to decide when you want to leave the past behind and take a chance. I think if it bothers you so much you should have an honest conversation with her if you already haven't.
Author Rob2183 Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 Nobody wants to be let down. But it's up to you to decide when you want to leave the past behind and take a chance. I think if it bothers you so much you should have an honest conversation with her if you already haven't. Yea, I know I should, Im just wondering if what she says is really what she means cuz its working on me im falling for her you know?
River Rain Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Yea, I know I should, Im just wondering if what she says is really what she means cuz its working on me im falling for her you know? I don't really understand. You assume she doesn't mean what she says and you're hoping she's lying because you don't want to fall in love? Yeah, I think you have some real trust issues, but just don't string along someone out of your own insecurities. I don't know what else to say, maybe someone else can give you some better advice.
Author Rob2183 Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 I agree with River Rain. Why not go for it! There is no doubt that i want to! shes a really good girl better than most ive come across, its just I feel like all this texting is gonna push her away but when i fall back some she asks why im not texting her! its confusing you know?
Author Rob2183 Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 I don't really understand. You assume she doesn't mean what she says and you're hoping she's lying because you don't want to fall in love? Yeah, I think you have some real trust issues, but just don't string along someone out of your own insecurities. I don't know what else to say, maybe someone else can give you some better advice. River Rain, first i thank you for all your advice i do have some trust issues yes, but at the same time its the first time i let a girl in some time! and i enjoy talking to her and i would love to fall in love with her! i guess alot of it has to do with texting, sometimes idk what to say to her! and so I just let her do her thing.
River Rain Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 River Rain, first i thank you for all your advice i do have some trust issues yes, but at the same time its the first time i let a girl in some time! and i enjoy talking to her and i would love to fall in love with her! i guess alot of it has to do with texting, sometimes idk what to say to her! and so I just let her do her thing. That's why I despise texting! One on one is the most honest and genuine way to go. 1
Author Rob2183 Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 That's why I despise texting! One on one is the most honest and genuine way to go. Yes, I know! well we skype/talk on the phone almost every night, I just feel like alot of texting gets hard to keep up with cuz u cant really tell feelings 1
River Rain Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Yes, I know! well we skype/talk on the phone almost every night, I just feel like alot of texting gets hard to keep up with cuz u cant really tell feelings All you have to do is come here to LS and read the posts, there are so many of them where people are talking about confusion, misunderstanding, anxiety and insecurity all because of texting. You're right, it doesn't have emotion to it, it's all just words, you can't see a person's mannerisms, expression, hear the tone of voice etc...I really hate it! I'm luke warm on emails too, but you know, I can't really be such an antique when it comes to technology! 1
Author Rob2183 Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 All you have to do is come here to LS and read the posts, there are so many of them where people are talking about confusion, misunderstanding, anxiety and insecurity all because of texting. You're right, it doesn't have emotion to it, it's all just words, you can't see a person's mannerisms, expression, hear the tone of voice etc...I really hate it! I'm luke warm on emails too, but you know, I can't really be such an antique when it comes to technology! I hear ya lol but you have great advice! and I appreciate it! Like we talk everyday Via text mostly during the day and then at night we skype or talk on phone. I know she has feelings for me, and it is a bit of a distance 40 miles from each other I guess I just want more and I need to just relax and be patient!
cyndi1022 Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 I think one of the best ways to go about deciding if you want to be with this girl is to just weigh the risk and the benefits. You have been hurt in the past, so getting serious with a new girl can be a big risk. However, you can't always be afraid and if you already get along with this girl then it might be worth it to take it a step further with this girl. Even if things don't work out, it would be worth it to get back on the horse. Just decide if the benefits out weight the risks. 1
todreaminblue Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 everybody in your thread has given some really thoughtful advice i love reading threads like this that is what love shack is about advice thoughtfully given or that's what the blurb says anyway...im tangenting so ill go back to topic..... i can offer some positives on you being hurt if that will help you move on....if you show me one person who has a history of love that doesnt include getting hurt....ill stand up and say liar......everybody who has the capacity to love has the capacity to get hurt and unfortunately love and pain go hand in hand....if you are lucky it is a little painful.....if you follow a simple plan of love.......unfortunately life and love get complex so most people who are passionate in love get passionately hurt as well...when you feel deeply you cant stop feeling hurt deeply...i cant promise you you wont get hurt....i can promise you that scars fade......falling means you have to hit the ground some time ...you have to land and that may be painful.....falling in love can be more pain than physical pain.....my posts say what i would prefer.....helicopter and jumping out of comes to mind......i have done that...not as painful as love.......but..... I have fallen before and i am still here as you are too......and waiting for that helicopter to come round again.......i believe in quality vs quantity....texting sux.....truly sucks.......i would rather see someone once a week than text constantly .......river said it simply......texting causes miscommunication often......you can tsee reactions you cant gage feelings from a text message they can be ambiguous in nature the majority of the time.....one on one not ambiguous...... what i really wan to post i sif you have been hurt before it helps...you realise the importance of love what it feels like to be hurt and you passionately seek not to hurt others....when i feel a bit out of control i think how easy it would be to just take medication and not feel anything no love....no desire....just nothing and mechanically go through my day loving nothing but existing........but then i realize how joyous i can feel, how i can empathise with others and care what they feel.......and so i keep trying and its hard........with passion and pain comes compassion...your history of hurt in love has given you that gift....share it with the one you care about....worry about the fall and the landing when you go through it..... i have proven one thing in my life that is violence does not beget violence...born from violence surviving violence does not mean you have to always be violent to survive....just like getting hurt in love doesn't mean you will hurt others or be hurt next time......you can however learn to defend yourself.......defense you can set up by...... being good to yourself and take it slow with love....follow your heart and dont race it..... endure and run a marathon not a sprint..doesnt matter how long it takes you to get there..there is no trophy at the end.....just happiness within....yoda signing out now happy i be....lol.....smilin..i am so not yoda...hugs..good luck..deb
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