What would be the youngest age woman that would be okay for a 37 year old guy to date

October 27, 2012

I'd say the youngest you should date is 25. It doesn't matter how young you think you look or feel, it does matter that younger girls will make bad choices, like dating guys that don't have their **** together and possibly never will. Which is why I think old guys with nothing to offer in the way of financial stability and future growth like going for young girls so much. Older women generally aren't as blind to that is young girls.

October 27, 2012

I would say late twenties; nobody less than 27.

Of course, what we say on LS means very little compared to what you ultimately choose to do.

When I was 20, I dated a man 12 years my senior. He was very controlling and emotionally abusive.

I did not have the experience or confidence to realize that what this man was doing was wrong and unhealthy.

He took advantage of how naive I was.

Men who only like to date significantly younger women are predators in my eyes.

October 27, 2012

That's true, that does happen.

I was thinking of a guy who was totally genuine and sincere though, as I get the feeling that a lot of the people who are against big age gaps would still be digusted and worried about their 19 year old dating an older guy even if they knew he was totally genuine and sincere.

Well, yeah, bad apples do ruin the bunch. Same thing as I'm sure there are some tattooed death metal bikers who make great bfs and live clean lives, but it's not something I'd want for myself or my future daughter.

October 28, 2012

I'd never be interested in dating a 19 year old. But could you explain what the justified reason is for why people are creeped out about and older man dating someone of that age. It also seems like you're saying that it would cause her harm, but how would it cause her harm? And how would her dating someone her own age not cause her harm?

Just trying to understand.

You're looking at her advice in the wrong light. She's giving it in the new light of being older and having a daughter of her own. You can't mother these women you're trying to date. How could you say you'd never be interested in dating a 19 year old? You're saying that if you met a girl and she looked to be 19-25 you'd just up and lose all your attraction for her if you found out the age. Are you saying you only find women who look older attractive but if they end up being 19 bam it's a deal breaker. It's all so odd. I mean you know if you're a bad guy.

October 28, 2012

That's true, that does happen.

I was thinking of a guy who was totally genuine and sincere though, as I get the feeling that a lot of the people who are against big age gaps would still be digusted and worried about their 19 year old dating an older guy even if they knew he was totally genuine and sincere.

Genuine and sincere guys aren't looking to specifically target younger women are talking about who the youngest women they can date is. Or talk about how much better younger women are.

I dated older guys when I was younger and just like Angie described, I am actually quite disgusted by most of those guys being older now. I took stock of our relationships and had to look at some difficult things about myself and them.

October 28, 2012

I was thinking of a guy who was totally genuine and sincere though, as I get the feeling that a lot of the people who are against big age gaps would still be digusted and worried about their 19 year old dating an older guy even if they knew he was totally genuine and sincere.

I've met about half the parents of age gap > 7 years I've dated in the past. When I was 28, I was dating an 18 y.o. who invited herself over to my house after meeting to tell me she was interested. Her parents were only 10 years older than me, both less responsible than either me or their daughter generally. When we met, they looked at me like a steak dinner, and were very enthusiastic about me dating their daughter, who at 18 was already outearning and closer to a degree than her parents were. Parents aren't generally stupid, and IME, they are as much concerned about you and your background, fit with their daughter, level of responsibility, kind of life you might lead, moreso than age.

At 33, I was dating a 23 y.o. (she asked me on a date), same response from the parents, and they were a -very- close, healthy family. We weren't a match, remained friends after dating shortly, and later that year was dating a different 23 y.o., that I had asked out first, due to a common interest, from a complete wackjob family. They also treated me like a steak dinner, even going so far as to offer me a DOWRY on first meeting. That was an exercise in keeping a straight face for sure.

The point of all this is that as in many dating issues, it's case by case. Worry about meeting women, any women you like who like you. Then and only then worry about age gaps. It really is highly subjective. This applies to how the parents, family and friends will treat you. The worst I have been treated was when I was in my mid 20s dating a 38 y.o. woman whose friends, work acquaintances thought I was a young playboy just using a single mom, and talked to me like a child. Case by case. You are just as likely to be treated badly or well based on other factors as an age gap IME and many many friends' experience.

Of course common sense applies, you are likely to be treated with suspicion by a 17 y.o.s parents at 37, but it wasn't that long ago that such large age gaps were entirely normal in many cultures, and they still are in many. Case by case.

What you are seeing in this thread and all the other age gap threads is an extension of a certain false cultural/political (predator-danger) attitude fueled by over the top entertainment and political ideologies that depends on the ever present victimology of women. It's rampant on this forum. Don't buy into it.

Finally, just because an OP makes a thread on a topic doesn't mean they view their entire dating experience through that question. It's just a freaking thread where an OP asks a freaking question. I don't see anything in OP's posts or threads demonstrating he is all about dating much younger women. He seems to be a thoughtful, inexperienced dater trying to learn and get some experience. Cut some damn slack.

October 28, 2012

or have a relationship with, ONS, whatever in the UK?

I'm almost 37 myself, but I look and feel more like about 25, I feel confused about what the youngest age woman would be considered as okay for me to get.

In the past I would've thought that 21 would be totally fine, but after spending time on LS, I'm not even sure if 23 or 24 would be fine. It seems like maybe people would see me as weird or 'dodgy' if I were to get a woman who is say 23, and surely if I met her dad he wouldn't be happy, especially if she was still living with him. But then at the same time, it feels like maybe I'm just being really paranoid and there's absolutley nothing wrong with it at all.

I think I'm mainly attracted to women in their late 20's to mid 30's, but it feels like if there are any women who would go for me, it'd be one's in their early 20's since I look so young myself, and not any who are older than their mid 20's since again, I look so young, I'm inexperienced and I'd probably have nothing in common with them. So if a woman in her early 20's did show interest, I wouldn't want to turn her down if there would be absolutley nothing wrong with me going for it.

I'm kinda confused so I'd like to hear everyone's opinions, thanks.

20 to 26 to PLAY WITH

27 to 37 to DATE

October 28, 2012

or have a relationship with, ONS, whatever in the UK?

I'm almost 37 myself, but I look and feel more like about 25, I feel confused about what the youngest age woman would be considered as okay for me to get.

In the past I would've thought that 21 would be totally fine, but after spending time on LS, I'm not even sure if 23 or 24 would be fine. It seems like maybe people would see me as weird or 'dodgy' if I were to get a woman who is say 23, and surely if I met her dad he wouldn't be happy, especially if she was still living with him. But then at the same time, it feels like maybe I'm just being really paranoid and there's absolutley nothing wrong with it at all.

I think I'm mainly attracted to women in their late 20's to mid 30's, but it feels like if there are any women who would go for me, it'd be one's in their early 20's since I look so young myself, and not any who are older than their mid 20's since again, I look so young, I'm inexperienced and I'd probably have nothing in common with them. So if a woman in her early 20's did show interest, I wouldn't want to turn her down if there would be absolutley nothing wrong with me going for it.

I'm kinda confused so I'd like to hear everyone's opinions, thanks.

am 21 and i have a guy thats 38 trying to talk to me he dont care that am 21 and i dont think age should matter for two adults ..but i dont like him but not beacuse of his age for other reason but if i did i wouldent mind talking to him

October 28, 2012

"A 37 year old man could be controlling, manipulative and emotionally abusive."

Yeah, and so could a 22 year old guy.

October 28, 2012

The dynamic in a relationship where there is a big age gap is usually not a good one. The much older one doesn't perceive the younger one as an equal, and will often tend to dominate and control the younger one. Or the older one feels more threatened by people closer to their own age because of self esteem issues, and so they feel more comfortable around younger, less mature people. Or they are afraid of getting older, and they want to relive or hang onto their youth, and they do that vicariously by going after the much younger person. Either of those three dynamics is not a healthy one for a relationship.

October 29, 2012

The dynamic in a relationship where there is a big age gap is usually not a good one. The much older one doesn't perceive the younger one as an equal, and will often tend to dominate and control the younger one. Or the older one feels more threatened by people closer to their own age because of self esteem issues, and so they feel more comfortable around younger, less mature people. Or they are afraid of getting older, and they want to relive or hang onto their youth, and they do that vicariously by going after the much younger person. Either of those three dynamics is not a healthy one for a relationship.

All of those are just as likely in an age equal relationship. Age itself is not a determinant of treating one's partner as an equal, being insecure, or objectifying a partner as a means instead of an end.

October 29, 2012

You sure you look 25? I find a lot of older people tend to say they look younger even though they dont really.

Oh man, this is so true. My dad just turned 50 and he loves to say how he looks like he's 40. I just want to laugh in his face, but I shouldn't kill his pride.

October 29, 2012

Oh man, this is so true. My dad just turned 50 and he loves to say how he looks like he's 40. I just want to laugh in his face, but I shouldn't kill his pride.

The thing is I think Ross can actually pass for 27-30. I would have never guessed his age by his pictures or videos.

October 29, 2012

I've met about half the parents of age gap > 7 years I've dated in the past. When I was 28, I was dating an 18 y.o. who invited herself over to my house after meeting to tell me she was interested. Her parents were only 10 years older than me, both less responsible than either me or their daughter generally. When we met, they looked at me like a steak dinner, and were very enthusiastic about me dating their daughter, who at 18 was already outearning and closer to a degree than her parents were. Parents aren't generally stupid, and IME, they are as much concerned about you and your background, fit with their daughter, level of responsibility, kind of life you might lead, moreso than age.

At 33, I was dating a 23 y.o. (she asked me on a date), same response from the parents, and they were a -very- close, healthy family. We weren't a match, remained friends after dating shortly, and later that year was dating a different 23 y.o., that I had asked out first, due to a common interest, from a complete wackjob family. They also treated me like a steak dinner, even going so far as to offer me a DOWRY on first meeting. That was an exercise in keeping a straight face for sure.

The point of all this is that as in many dating issues, it's case by case. Worry about meeting women, any women you like who like you. Then and only then worry about age gaps. It really is highly subjective. This applies to how the parents, family and friends will treat you. The worst I have been treated was when I was in my mid 20s dating a 38 y.o. woman whose friends, work acquaintances thought I was a young playboy just using a single mom, and talked to me like a child. Case by case. You are just as likely to be treated badly or well based on other factors as an age gap IME and many many friends' experience.

Of course common sense applies, you are likely to be treated with suspicion by a 17 y.o.s parents at 37, but it wasn't that long ago that such large age gaps were entirely normal in many cultures, and they still are in many. Case by case.

What you are seeing in this thread and all the other age gap threads is an extension of a certain false cultural/political (predator-danger) attitude fueled by over the top entertainment and political ideologies that depends on the ever present victimology of women. It's rampant on this forum. Don't buy into it.

Finally, just because an OP makes a thread on a topic doesn't mean they view their entire dating experience through that question. It's just a freaking thread where an OP asks a freaking question. I don't see anything in OP's posts or threads demonstrating he is all about dating much younger women. He seems to be a thoughtful, inexperienced dater trying to learn and get some experience. Cut some damn slack.

Agree 100%.

Large age gaps are always dicey from a social perspective. I can't help but feel that Americans are far more put off by such relationships than our friends across the pond.

I'm also amused at how frequently speculation regarding the dynamics of such relationships are passed off as conclusory by the majority of posters in this thread. How much of an age gap is necessary for the man's intentions/actions to be presumptively predatory? Who is anyone to draw that line, and on what authority? Your personal morality? Please.

I'll speculate (and admit as much, unlike people here drawing conclusions based on an infinitesimally small sample set conjured together from their own limited experiences) that there are some men out there who purposely target much younger women because they think they can take advantage of them. Far more often, I'd say that those kinds of relationships happen the same way all others do: two people like each other and mutually agree to start seeing each other.

October 29, 2012

Large age gaps are always dicey from a social perspective. I can't help but feel that Americans are far more put off by such relationships than our friends across the pond.

Disagree. 37-yo's with 17-yos are viewed with healthy skepticism in the majority of Asian, European, and Oceanic countries as well. The only thing I'll agree on is that age gaps of 5-10 years (not 20) are considered more acceptable in Asia than in America, but that is precisely because men are mostly valued for their ability to provide in Asia, which I am somehow led to believe is exactly the phenomenon that you and your buddy are trying to counter in your other posts. If the primary thing that a man brings to the table is finances, then older men are generally more well accepted because they are more likely to be financially well off. All that being said, most Asian parents would still forbid their 17-yo daughters from dating 37-yo men.

Edited October 29, 2012 by Elswyth

October 29, 2012

I'm really surprised that no one has argued with Nightsky's post about 19 year olds yet.

October 29, 2012

Disagree. 37-yo's with 17-yos are viewed with healthy skepticism in the majority of Asian, European, and Oceanic countries as well. The only thing I'll agree on is that age gaps of 5-10 years (not 20) are considered more acceptable in Asia than in America, but that is precisely because men are mostly valued for their ability to provide in Asia, which I am somehow led to believe is exactly the phenomenon that you and your buddy are trying to counter in your other posts. If the primary thing that a man brings to the table is finances, then older men are generally more well accepted because they are more likely to be financially well off. All that being said, most Asian parents would still forbid their 17-yo daughters from dating 37-yo men.

I agree with this post. No loving parents are going to be happy with their daughters dating much older men- unless the parents are very poor and the man has money. I'm guessing in some places of the world where poverty is high, parents would be more willing to accept such an age differance if the man could at least feed their daughter. I'm in the states, and I know of no parents that are desperate enough to look the other way if a much older men hits on their young daughters. As far as a five year age differance, no one seems to care if the younger half has reached the twenties. Even an 18 year old dating a 23 year old doesn't seem to stir anything up. I know of a few 10 year partnerships to. These are relationships between people out of their early twenties. No one seems to care much about this either. I wouldn't think much about someone OP's age going with a 27 year old. It's the idea that he wants to know how young he can go without people getting creeped out, and that he doesn't understand why people would get creeped out a 37 year old going after the youngest he can get. As far as him looking young, that's in a picture (I haven't seen it) and doesn't mean a thing anyways. In some of my pics, I can pass for a teenager. I don't look old IRL, but I don't look like a teenager either. Even if I did, I wouldn't take as a go ahead to hunt down teenage or young twentysomething boys.

October 29, 2012

Disagree. 37-yo's with 17-yos are viewed with healthy skepticism in the majority of Asian, European, and Oceanic countries as well. The only thing I'll agree on is that age gaps of 5-10 years (not 20) are considered more acceptable in Asia than in America, but that is precisely because men are mostly valued for their ability to provide in Asia, which I am somehow led to believe is exactly the phenomenon that you and your buddy are trying to counter in your other posts. If the primary thing that a man brings to the table is finances, then older men are generally more well accepted because they are more likely to be financially well off. All that being said, most Asian parents would still forbid their 17-yo daughters from dating 37-yo men.

And no one disagreed that a 37-year-old dating a 17-year-old is (most likely, as once again, no one has cited any data, if it even exists) looked at skeptically. Dasein used those numbers as an example of when an age gap tests the boundaries of common sense.

I'm not really sure why you insist on ascribing some agenda to me. I can't speak for any of my "buddies," but I'm not, and never have, criticized traditional relationship arrangements provided that's what both parties desire. Whatever you've been led to believe, it's inaccurate. I'm also not here to defend my ability to date younger women. At 25, most 20-year-olds already seem alien to me. I know you didn't say anything of the sort, but in these conversations, that's usually the next accusation that gets leveled at anyone who thinks that, generally speaking, older men dating younger women aren't these awful predators.

Edited October 29, 2012 by TheBigQuestion

October 29, 2012

All of those are just as likely in an age equal relationship. Age itself is not a determinant of treating one's partner as an equal, being insecure, or objectifying a partner as a means instead of an end.

Same age people just as likely to objectify their partner than one where the guy (or woman) goes after a partner 15+ years his junior? Nah, I wouldn't agree with that. Same age people just as likely to consider their partner equal intellectually as a partnership where one partner is middle aged and one is very young? Nope, I don't think so. Same age partner seeking out a person who is immature because he has self esteem issues, moreso than an older dude seeking out a much younger person because he feels immature himself or threatened by someone on a higher level of maturity? Probably more common a dynamic when there is a large age gap. Of course, there can be these issues in same age relationships, but most likely much more prevalent when there is a big age difference.

October 29, 2012

I bet if I was saying what nightsky was saying about 19 year olds. There'd be so many people all over me.

October 29, 2012

http://i1126.photobucket.com/albums/l610/RPKGameVids/VID00131_zpscb6aac19.jpg

^ That pic was taken a year ago. Still think I look like I'm in my mid 30's?

When someone online saw that pic they thought I was 19.

And before anyone says it's the clothes that make me look so young, bull****, it's really common for guys in their 20's and 30's in the UK to wear those sort of clothes, and they don't look really young for their age. What makes me look so young in that pic is how my face looks.

You look pretty young for a fair-skinned white guy.

So I look pretty young. Generally speaking, people guess I am somewhere between 23-26. I am 34. Some people guessing my age give me bonus years for the environment we are in.

So I don't connect well with people who are too young. We can go out for drinks, hang out at a party, but after a little while the age gap is very apparent. We aren't in the same life stage.

I struggle, since I look pretty young, so people who are my age don't approach me. And well too old people are sketchy in another way.

Once you are in your mid-30s, people in their early 20s are not in your life phase. No matter how "young" you feel. I am skeptical of any man over 30 trying to meet 22 year olds.

October 29, 2012

You look pretty young for a fair-skinned white guy.

So I look pretty young. Generally speaking, people guess I am somewhere between 23-26. I am 34. Some people guessing my age give me bonus years for the environment we are in.

So I don't connect well with people who are too young. We can go out for drinks, hang out at a party, but after a little while the age gap is very apparent. We aren't in the same life stage.

I struggle, since I look pretty young, so people who are my age don't approach me. And well too old people are sketchy in another way.

Once you are in your mid-30s, people in their early 20s are not in your life phase. No matter how "young" you feel. I am skeptical of any man over 30 trying to meet 22 year olds.

If he is 'only' trying to meet 22 year olds, then I'd say there is definatley something amiss.

To be honest, I really don't know for definate what age groups I'd fit in best with or how alien or unalien an early 20 something or maybe even mid or late 20 something woman would seem to me, since I've not socialised for so many years.

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What would be the youngest age woman that would be okay for a 37 year old guy to date

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