ouch1121 Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 My ex and I have broken up and gotten together many many times over the last 5 years. So for the last 8 months we have not been together but on the fence about it. We would see each other 1 time every month or 2 month. Talk infrequently and I would tell him to move on and he would tell me he wanted to be with me. I never contacted him, it was always him that contacted me. Well I didn't date anyone during this time because I was still getting over him. Although he was begging to get back with me had dated numerous women and even went on a trip to Cabo with one. Well i guess since we were broken up I can't really say much about that but felt it was very insincere to contact me every 3 weeks to say you want to be with me and actively date. 6 weeks ago it was his bday and he begged me to spend it with him. I did but we didn't have a good time and then I found out more about women he was dating and I was jealous and angry and told him I didn't want to be with him. That get together was less than 24 hours. So we argued and called it quits. It was very different from past breakups and I don't know if this was a true break up as we weren't together but this time it got nastier than usual and he was cruel. He sent me pics of places he'd gone with that woman and said she was the best sex of his life and implied he was still seeing her. I never thought we would speak again after all of this. Throughout our 5 year relationship every time we broke up I never tried to dates as there was always hope we would get back together but I did this time. I was prepared for us to be over. The longest we have not talked was 4 weeks so i was sad but glad we made it through 5 weeks/6 weeks. Well, this week he calls me and tells me his grandfather dies. I call him back and just wanted to comfort him about that and that only. I didn't want to talk about us. Well he brings us up and I told him I didn't want to discuss us and to let that go. Well for 5 straight days he keeps texting me and calling me and begging for another chance. He shows up at my door on the 5th night and I can't resist him anymore because I still love him. During the 5 days he tells me he is going to mexico alone in 2 weeks and does invite me. I said no because I wasn't trying to get back at that time. Well since I caved I told him I would go with him and to send me his flight info so I could buy a tix. Prior to that though I did tell him I didn't think he was going alone as he claimed which he denied. I said ok, then I'll go with you but he thought I was testing him and messing with him and since then, friday night, he has been distant and unavailable and now I don't know what we are. He won't talk to me about it and I started off telling him i was confused and hurt and want to know our status and he just keeps distancing himself. What is going on? WHy beg me to get back together if he was uncertain? Was I just an ego stroke? How do I proceed now? I"m still waiting to hear from him because he did text yes we are together but we need to talk. What does that mean? I hate having my emotions played with...I'm so confused, I just don't understand men.
Bobibble Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 I was in this situation once. He likes the attention you give him and likes the idea that you give in because that means you are there as his backup in case no other girl works out for him. He wants to make sure he keeps you around just in case. If I were you, I would not answer his calls or texts. Don't go on the trip with him, and maintain NC no matter how much he contacts you. If he shows up at your door, don't open the door or close it on him. The only way you will ever know if he is serious about being with you is if you maintain NC for months and even as long as a year, and if he continues to pursue you, and you are still interested, then slowly answer his texts. But I would encourage you to date around during that time, you will probably find someone better for you then a guy who is wishy-washy.
Author ouch1121 Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Thanks for taking the time to respond. I've been waiting all day for someone to give me some advice. I'm so torn. I believe he's the love of my life but I guess that doesn't matter if he doesn't believe I'm the love of his. That scares me that if I have NC with him and a year from now I could still have such strong feelings that I would possibly still want him. That means I would just be going through the motions of life just waiting to hear from him. How does someone learn to let go of the person you love and want to spend your life with??
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