Ironvein Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 (edited) Hello again. I posted a while ago about my girlfriend's slow replies. An user named Exit gave some wonderful advice, and i am glad i followed it. So, thank you, Exit! You might have just restored my hope. I had not felt as good in a long time, when i just spoke calmly about things with my girlfriend with no arguing. But yeah, i did not come here only to praise, i have something to write about too... Lately, i have felt bad every time my girlfriend lets herself down. That's natural, but i just can't seem to get over it like a normal person. It takes too much time. What i mean is, that i wish she stopped calling herself ugly and such. It's not nice at all. I WANT to compliment her and make her feel good about herself, but i am depressed at the moment, so complimenting other people is not as easy as before. And she has expressed her worry about how i compliment her less now than i used to. I just want advice on how to make her feel better about herself, because honestly, i feel really bad when she calls herself ugly or something like that, and how will i ever get a better confidence if i can't even make my girlfriend feel good? Sorry for the long post, and that it might seem very unorganised, but i am having a really hard time thinking right now. If someone helps me, i would be grateful. P.S. Also, sorry if the thread is in the wrong section, but since we are long distance, i figured this might be the right place to write at. P.P.S. Also, she worries a lot about how other people think of her. I wish to get advice on how to change that. Having battled with the same problem before myself, i know it's pretty much a pointless worry. I also understand teen age girls can be insecure, and it's natural, but she has been bullied for years, and she deserves better. Edited October 21, 2012 by Ironvein Bad memory
KraftDinner Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 My advice is: tell her exactly what you just told us! I think you expressed yourself VERY well. Especially tell her about why you're not really complimenting her much anymore. 3
SayonaraItsuka Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 I've had that happen to me with my previous girlfriend many times before. Her self-esteem seemed to be down all the time, thinking she wasn't as pretty or skinny as the "other girls". All you have to do, no matter how many times, if you truly love her, you have to put your foot down, and tell her what you see her as. Of course you're going to call her very beautiful. She's expecting that. You're her boyfriend. It's just a matter of convincing that to her that it's not only because it's your job to say so, but because you truly mean it. 1
Lady Chrissy Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I am a girl with low ass self esteem so I know what makes me feel better about myself. I LOVE it when my boyfriend will randomly look at one of my pictures on FB or a pic that I had sent him as say "Christina, you are so beautiful!". She will probaby be surprised and you can say I was just looking at your pic on FB or if you Vid chat with her you can say the same thing. Its the Randomness that shows you mean it. don't wait till she ask you! Now when she puts herself down, you need to firmly but sweetly say. "(Insert cute pet name here), I don't know what mirror you are looking at but, (insert her name here), you are the most beautifulest woman that I have ever seen." Also acting like she makes you breathless or all giddy helps too <3 1
Author Ironvein Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Hahaha, you people have really great advice. Thank you, i know what to do now.
justwhoiam Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 At times, guys try too hard. OK, she's the kind who likes being complimented. I don't. I mean, I don't like being complimented about my looks, because I know what I look like and where I stand. I though appreciate compliments about my accomplishments and about my abilities in general. When a guy comes up with a compliment, he might do so to cheer you up = maybe I don't need that to get something out of you = you make me suspicious because he thinks you don't love yourself = I do, even if I know I'm not beautiful; beauty has nothing to do with self esteem, I can criticize myself about looks and love myself anyway You can be attracted to someone even if they're not gorgeous, maybe they have something special or sexy that makes them irresistible. So it's extremely important that you want her, but it's not crucial that she looks like a top model or anything. A passpartout sentence that should be used carefully is: I don't care how others see you or if they think you're beautiful or not. You're beautiful to me. I'm very attracted to you. I don't care about the different society standards, which vary over time anyway. I know what I like and I like you.
River Rain Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 It's frustrating, my ex had very low self-esteem, and I tried so hard to constantly reassure him. In the end, it didn't really do much good though, it tired me out. But I think you love her so much from what you say, and yes, definitely be honest with her about your depression so she doesn't take it personally. People with low-self esteem tend to take lots of things personally! If you're willing to always reassure her, that's nice. Why not ask her to send you pictures of herself? I know that made me feel good when the ex said looking at my pictures made him happy.
FitChick Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 Self esteem comes from within. External validation is only a temporary fix. I try to avoid people who won't fix themselves because I don't want to have another job.
Recommended Posts