skycladdragon Posted July 30, 2004 Posted July 30, 2004 Hello I am new to this board and I am going through a difficult thing my husband and I have been together for 12 yearrs and married for 7. We had a fight and it seems that we are slpitting up. Let me go into a little run down of the event. My husband is in the military and has just come home from a 2 mo away time and we have been talking about doing some stuff this weekend just us and all of a sudden he feels the need that he has got to take his mother to the zoo or somthing for her bday that was yesterday and he forgot about. and low and behold I get to have the scraps of time left over. Ih and she cant walk on her own she just had knee replacemnt surgery. That i guess is besides the point Know I am home all the time taking care of the house the kids and his mother when he is gone and we have been talking about doing something just us for a while and the time came up that we could finally do something and I have been blown off he has called a spoiled bi***. and that I am making him feel like an A** He said " I am tired of your attitude and our marriage Im fed up IM done" and proceeded to tell me that I needed to get a job because the atm was dry. MInd youthat I have just finished school have not really been looking for a job til I can find sutible child care and so on. do I take this as the end or what I dont know what to do I cant imagine that it is over or am I just in denial and need to move on. This is so unlike him and IM hurt and confused that I have been put so low on the prioity list any suggestions?
firewife Posted July 30, 2004 Posted July 30, 2004 Awww sweetie, it's going to be fine. I'm a military wife too, and I know how much I covet my husbands time. It's hard to have to share them when they've been gone so long. To me this sounds like over reaction on both ends. I know you planned time together,but, it WAS his moms B DAY,right? Could you have gone with them? Maybe, said nothing untill you're calm,and then just told him that you miss him sooo much and really feel put aside by him? Don't get me wrong, I do the same thing sometimes. Iwonder where my husbands loyalty is when on his days off he chooses to go help out someone, mow a lawn,pick up from the Airport ect.ect. instead of spending his time with me. He always volunteers himself to present awards, give rides somewhere ect,and his troops take total advantage of that. We never get a whole day together either. The thing is, that you get what you give. If you give him s***, you're gonna get s***. I've learned that I need to hold my tongue untill I'm calm, and then speak from the heart. Usually, DH already feels guilty about doing it, and immediately hugs me and makes it ok again. Easier said than done,I know, takes practice! When you guys fight,is it common for him to say "I'm Done/It'sOver"? I've been with men like that too, they usually don't mean it,it's meant to hurt/scare you. I don't think it's over for you two hon,I think you need time to calm down and to talk it over. (The feminist in me is screaming to tell you to call his bluff and start packing you and your kids up to go. You know darn well he needs you there to help with his Mom and keep up the house and make his dinner, and take care of his kids, if nothing else......keep some perspective on your power, you DO have power here, don't let him fool you..)
fellowes7892000 Posted July 31, 2004 Posted July 31, 2004 hey - sorry to hear what's going on I just think that this guy is very confused. he probably missed you like crazy while he was away and when he came back, it wasn't exactly like he expected in his head. he probably wasn't focussing on all the other life hassles like bills and a disabled mother, he probably just wants less headache. Basically, I don't believe for a second that he wants a divorce. Unless something has happened like another woman or something like that, then I don't believe it. If you truly trust him then don't ask him. Assume his innocence. There's a number 1 rule which has been broken between you guys, and that's COMMUNICATE. His head is obviously all over the shop and you have no idea what's in there. Right now he's probably very confused and is associating you with all of life's hassles and may see losing you as losing the problems with money and everything else. I don't think he wants to lose you, just the headaches that he's getting over life. When he's away, I'm sure he misses you. Make sure you show him your support and appreciation that he works hard, in a dangerous job, for your benefit. It's likely that he will never say how much he appreciates everything you do - which is just as important, but you can't worry if you don't get recognition. I'm sure he realises how good you are to him. Don't push him to unravel his feelings, try to support him while he works himself out. Don't give up - don't "call his bluff" and pack your bags. Guys hate games and it's enough to make us give up on working out anything. Make sure he knows exactly what's in your head, and eventually you'll find out what's in his. You guys aren't over unless you both give up. Try to talk, but don't force him. A confused mind will back away. Give him space but don't ever give up on the one you love. He'll come back to you if it's meant to be. good luck - hope it works out dave
Recommended Posts