SayonaraItsuka Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 (edited) My girlfriend of almost 2 years broke up with me just last month for another guy. Apparently, he fits her personality very well since their personalities are practically the same. She met him as a coworker 2 months ago. I got to thinking that knowing a person for only a month (at that time) and breaking up with me so soon could mean that she's going through a phase and might want to come back although she seems really happy right now. Could this be a phase or something more? Edited October 21, 2012 by SayonaraItsuka
Mr Reptile Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 My ex also left me for a guy at her workplace. I've been warned to not work with your partner since you meet eachother enough on your sparetime and secondly if you fight at work it gets also personal and destroys the relationship. This sounds like a phase to her to try something new, I think you lost the spark a while ago, right? With the new guy it's all new, the spark is there and everything. This can take only a few weeks, months, but also years (unlikely) before it ends. But I think it will end. They also work together, they see eachother EVERY HOUR of the day, that's not good for a relationship imo. What problem did you have in your relationship? 1
Author SayonaraItsuka Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 (edited) According to her, they don't really see each other much since their work schedules sort of changed. They are in the same major, though. We were in different majors. But I do think there's a lot of spark going on with them. And it's definitely something new. I'm Asian (she's Asian, too) and he's white. Apparently that's a big deal, because I heard from my friend that she talked to her and said, "It's so nice having a white boyfriend." or something like that. I think we did lose the spark in some way or another. Everything between us was routine and we didn't really try a lot of new things. The problem was that I wasn't open-minded enough, and that we saw each other too much, and through this break-up, I realized so many things I could have done to save the relationship, and if I could get the chance to do so, that's all I would want. Edited October 21, 2012 by SayonaraItsuka
Mr Reptile Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 I've also been there, and believe many have. She missed all the new, got bored and quickly dated another guy. Rebound with a big R. Keep going on with your life, the spark will go off and she may miss you then. You can't do anything but improving yourself, and don't take it personally because at some point we all get bored in a relationship.
Author SayonaraItsuka Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 So how did this kind of situation end up with you?
Mr Reptile Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 (edited) One of my friends ex throw herself to another guy and today they broke up. They had been in that relationship for about 7 months. For me, my ex have dated the new guy for about 4-5 months, it's a matter of time. She also immediatly started to do this after our relationship. Relationships like this very rarely leads to marriage, they just miss A relationship, someone to cuddle and lean the shoulder on. EDIT: Or what do you mean with "how it end up", how our relationship ended? Edited October 21, 2012 by Mr Reptile
Author SayonaraItsuka Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 So did you and your ex get back together? If so, are you still with her? And with us, the comfort and security was there, but something was missing for her. I mean, she was the one that gushed about marrying each other ever so often.
Mr Reptile Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 No I havn't, she is still with the other guy. But I feel good anyway, NC really does the trick. I see your situation, it reminds me of mine too. I think your ex only wanted something new, it was too boring to do the same thing day by day.
Author SayonaraItsuka Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 Does she seem really happy with the other guy? I have applied NC just for my sake. It just hurts to talk to her. If she contacts me, then yeah, I will reply, but only briefly. Yeah, and I think we just saw each other too often. Pretty much everyday I would go to her house.
Mr Reptile Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Seem? Yes. If she is? Probably not as happy as she shows. After a breakup the dumper always seems to have "the best time of their life" and if they have a new partner (s)he's "the best partner ever". Don't fall for that, if they leave a 2 year-relationship it's gonna hurt, they are humans just like us. The new guy can't replace you, because he IS not you. Same with me, we saw eachother everyday, and eventually we got bored and fight about silly stuff. This could have happened with a close friend, if you hang out with them everyday you will eventually get bored and come in a fight about small things. No time to miss eachother, and been taken for granted, it's easy to do. They didn't dump us, they dumped who we became and that's good news, beacuse that's not the real you. 1
Author SayonaraItsuka Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 Wow. I thought these things would be only what she would say. She has said those things in one form or another. I mean, I'm pretty sure she's affected by the breakup at least a little bit. I mean, she even tells me that her mom misses me. Thanks, man, for clearing things up. I know I shouldn't keep my hopes up, but what you said did make me feel better. It's nice (you know what I mean) to hear that I'm not the only one experiencing this situation.
Mr Reptile Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 We are in the same situation, except I dated my ex for 11 months. No as you said, don't get your hopes up too much. I can't say how good or bad her new guy is compared to you. But it's better to get dumped for who you're not than for who you really are. Don't contact her, don't check her facebook or anything. Delete her as a friend btw. Even block, because then you wont see anything about her, no status about "how happy she is" or something. Keep improving yourself and don't blame yourself for this, it takes two in a relationship.
Author SayonaraItsuka Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 I just remember before she broke up with me, the times she would say how she missed the days when we starting going out together. It was a really nice time. I won't contact her, but I barely go on facebook, so it doesn't really matter to me there. I'll just work on myself like you and others have said. 1
Mr Reptile Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Mine also said she wanted back to the beginning of the relationship, and I wanted that to. Yes, keep doing it and you will be alright.
Liz2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I agree with what people are saying. Mine went into a rebound and the whole 'best thing ever' that someone said is how it was displayed too but it's the honeymoon phase and when that's over the cracks will show in 3D!! Use the honeymoon phase time to better yourself, get fit, do stuff, change a bit, look different, whatever it is you can do. sort issues etc and when she takes off the rose tinted specs you will be the first thing she sees in real life If you still want her.... 1
Author SayonaraItsuka Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 So I know what the honeymoon phase is basically, but when does it end? I just regret not knowing what to do earlier, because I did all the things I wasn't supposed to do like beg for her, told her I changed, and one time I had to console her when she had a fight with him. Now that I've initiated NC, might it have the same effect?
Mr Reptile Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 We've all done mistakes after we got dumped, I did it to. You are going NC because you're gonna be the real you again, maybe even better! Don't worry about her, I think she will miss you one day. The honeymoon can last a long or a short time, but it WILL end and when reality strikes in and they maybe even break up she's gonna think of you. In the meantime, focus on yourself and be the ultimate version of you 1
Pamkiss Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 I've gone through this exact same thing- only i'm the girl who broke up with her boyfriend for another guy because I got bored. We were in a long distance rel then and I was missing having someone around. After i left my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years, it's like I was over him in an instant.. I felt that way for a while, then my current relationship got through the honeymoon stage and we were seeing each other for who we really are. That's when I realized what BIG BIG mistake I made. So i came crawling back to my ex- but it was too late. Trust me guys! It is always like this. They might not feel it now, but those girls/guys who left you for another person will feel the sting. It might take a while but they will regret it sooner or later.
Author SayonaraItsuka Posted October 23, 2012 Author Posted October 23, 2012 What all of you have said sounds legitimate. Thank you. However, I made a big mistake, Mr Reptile, by checking my facebook and twitter today. After today, I know I can't make that mistake again. She was going off saying things like "true happiness is effortless" and that "love is nothing to be defined, it's an experience" and mushy stuff like that. I just feel sick to my stomach right now.
Mr Reptile Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 Pamkiss: Thanks for sharing your story, it gives others hope. I also have dumped a girl and then after a while wanted her back. At first I didn't care at all about her when I dumped her, but then when I didn't hear anything from her for a couple of months I started to miss her. SayonaraItsuka: Delete and block her facebook and don't check twitter. Now you have learned your lesson. Blocking her is very important if you have mutual friends because they might comment on her status and that will pop up for you. If you block her you won't see ANYTHING, not even if she "likes" some of your friends status. It will say "7 people likes this" but you can only see 6 of them if you look who's doing it. And you can't check her facebook "by mistake", she will be gone from facebook, you can't search for her or anything. Don't beat yourself up over the mistakes you did, it's normal to react like you did.
Author SayonaraItsuka Posted October 23, 2012 Author Posted October 23, 2012 I know this might sound stupid, but blocking her from facebook and twitter probably will make her think I'm being childish about the situation and push her away even more. This is from knowing her. Would other girls or guys think that? And for some reason, I want to apologize to her best friends for taking her away from them more often than not during our relationship. I just don't want my ex to know. I just want to get things off my chest. Do you think that's alright?
Mr Reptile Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 What's more important: What she THINKS of you or How you feel? If she thinks it's childish but don't bother to ask why you did it, then she is childish. And if she asks you why you blocked her, simply tell her the truth that you have to move on and for now just don't wanna hear anything about her to protect your heart. What you tell to her best friends is your option, but don't be too nice. Be polite but don't show that you are weak "I'm sorry plz forgive for all bad I've done :(" is not what you are gonna say. Keep your confidence and simply tell them why you are sorry and what you are sorry for. That's it, no weakness. Show that you are a grown man. But I wouldn't recommend to apologize for something that's natural. When my friends go in to a relationship I leave them alone, I know what it means and they don't wanna do stuff single-guys do. They are having fun with their GF and doesn't hang out with their friends so much, but after they break up they come back again and we are having fun again.
Author SayonaraItsuka Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 You're right, man. I shall do that, then! No, no, I'm not gonna show as being weak. Just apologize for a few things, especially because my ex told me they were mad at me and that I should have befriended them better. I don't know. I'll think about it. lol
Author SayonaraItsuka Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 UPDATE:So, I blocked her last night from facebook and twitter, and she called me as she was drunk, but she claimed she had a sober mind. She asked why I blocked her, and I told her I needed to move on, but she's like I thought we were friends and blah blah blah and she thought I moved on. I tried to explain to her, but she kept going, saying that feels really bad about breaking up and she talks about it with her new boyfriend. Why does she care about me blocking her so much?
Mr Reptile Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 Because she likes you, in some way. I don't know if she doesn't want to be disliked, if she wants to be your friend or if she actually still loves you. But there has to be something because she do care, but don't care about her. She got a new boyfriend, she shouldn't care about you at all and you shouldn't care about her. You should actually avoid drunkcalls from her in the future, from now on only answer if she wonders why you block and NOTHING ELSE. No chitchat about anything else, just if she wonders why you blocked and tell her the truth and then ignore her and move on.
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