Eclypse Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 I've been dating my girlfriend a few years now. We're each others firsts. I remember our first few dates when we'd just be all giddy and excited about everything. Kissing was so exciting because we weren't used to it. The first time I got her to my place and started exploring we were breathless. Seeing a text from her made me happy beyond belief. Now it's a little different. We're still into each other but it's all become a little more "convenient" for lack of better world. Holding hands and all that isn't exciting anymore. It's all a bit routine. How do you bring back the honeymoon spark after dating for a few years?
Ninjainpajamas Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Relationships are like living things, they don't stay the same, they change and evolve...sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. It's a very complicated thing to explain though, there are a lot of elements that tie into it...sexual chemistry, compatibility, passion, communication, feelings, understanding, common values, lifestyle. There are so many things that really make a relationship, of course novices think that relationships are about this initial emotion and infatuation with this person...that's only If not even half the battle. Once you start a relationship what you're really doing is building a foundation that will either stand the test of time or crumble from within. With some relationships you may have a higher degree of some qualities than other..for example you might communicate in one relationship much better than the other one which is more passionate. Right now you're quite young, so a lot of that doesn't apply just yet...being each others first bonds you together in a mutual experience, so you'll always have that, but a lot of these other things are going to go over your head due to lack of experience and maturity, and more importantly understanding yourself. What your main focus right now should be is communication...communication is what brings you closer to a woman, it enhances the connection, understanding her emotions brings you closer to her emotionally...what you basically got for free in the beginning was just a free pass...now you've got to be able to provide more than what works in the beginning, this has to be a mutual thing though, this is not just on your shoulders. That's why you see people going around in circles with new partners reliving the good times because it's so easy, we're wired to bond quickly out of mother nature to fart out some babies...what maintains us beyond that and separate us from the rest of the animal kingdom is our ability to build upon that initial foundation and create something that transcends what mother nature has programmed us to do, not that long-term monogamy is human nature or isn't, it's debatable and really up to. Once both people lose interest and lose that spark then it's typically a gradual decline, it takes more effort and work for some relationships. Being that you're inexperienced you didn't anticipate a lot of this, in fact people of all ages still learning how to maintain long-term relationships. If you keep trying to get closer to your partner because you want to, and they do the same then instead of the decline the relationship transforms and molds into different experiences of bonding, It's more of a journey, but you don't hear people say relationships are work for no reason...you will hit dry spells and you have to use the emotions you have and what bonds you together to restrengthen that...It's much easier as in all things when it's natural though, once one person decides they are demotivated by that prospect then the relationship is over as one person cannot carry it alone. Hopefully some of that makes some sense, no magical solutions for this problem from my end at least : / You need that X factor as well, which you may or may not understand what that is...that could even be swayed to personal opinion as others do not believe in that. Love in many ways is like the universe, It's still a mystery. 5
xxoo Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 What your main focus right now should be is communication...communication is what brings you closer to a woman, it enhances the connection, understanding her emotions brings you closer to her emotionally...what you basically got for free in the beginning was just a free pass...now you've got to be able to provide more than what works in the beginning, this has to be a mutual thing though, this is not just on your shoulders. Well said! In the beginning, everything is exciting, and arousal comes easily. After time, you need to learn how to keep her sexually interested, and she needs to learn how to keep you strongly emotionally interested. I've personally found that the two are well-linked: great sex renews his emotional bond to me, making him want to love on me and treat me like a "girlfriend" during the day. That treatment makes me adore him, and want to please him sexually. The "great sex" part is a little trickier. That is in part the "x" factor, and sexual compatibility is probably important.
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