Author alldayeveryday Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 without a doubt guy one.....when you allow yourself to let go of guy two you will see your feelings will deepen even more.....sex is great....but it shouldn't be the holder in a relationship attraction can fade take on a different hue....and having outside interests....cements a relationship......i don't know if i should use a relationship that failed but it did last fifteen years so ill use it......i didn't have strong sexual attraction towards my ex not at the beginning i have never really done the sexual attraction thing as a reason for a relationship.......not in the beginning i find a developed friendship attractive enough......we did outside interests and spent a lot of time together..... the fact was i had a boyfriend(guy A) if you could call him that....i was left alone a lot while said boyfriend stayed at other girls houses........this friendship developed between guy b and myself was exactly that friendship no sexual interest on my part......he would come shopping with me i was heavily pregnant .....nine pound ten baby on the way..... and he would carry my shopping shout me lunch which i would argue about....he would sit with me on the front steps and watch the night go by now over time.....this friendship became one that i had deep emotional attachment for a strong foundation that i believed would and could handle us being together.......i ended my relationship with guy a immediately went to the girls house he was at.......and told him it was over i wanted to move on i had feelings for someone else thats how i manage my feelings.....i didnt start anything with him until it was over with guy a........and i was brutally honest......with guy and a and guy b......you can judge me if you want but thats how i managed to avoid any hurt feelings for anyone including mine...i had stopped sleeping with guy A after he got me pregnant.....and i didtn sleep with guy b until we were officially together(i had known him as a friend for two years) you should in my opinion resolve your feelings for the second guy....before going ahead with guy number one....dont take the commitment phobe..... build on a friendship even though my relationship didnt work out.....it was a strong relationship that i built on trust...... until he started cheating.......and that had nothing to do with me.......circumstance and his nature determined that......i am glad i am where i am no9w anyway.....things happen for a reason...you cant have any guarantees in a relationship....doesnt matter if you are a rock in a relationship ...you have to weather all kinds of storms.....guy one is your safest haven....take it....before and after crap gets rough..blue skies are then so much sweeter..you will be glad that you did the best life and love has to offer you....i wish you well and i pray that guy number one becomes your focus..he sounds like he is yours........deb thank you for your input deb! there is truth to your words when you say get over guy 2 and my feelings for guy 1 will grow even more...and I suppose sexual attraction may follow, as feelings grow.
jtny2222 Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Ok, this was very similar to a position I was in so I'm registering to give my input. The answer is guy number one, but its something you won't know for a little bit of time still. Something you wont know for sure until you lose him and your honeymoon stage of guy number twos relationship is over. If this is a rebound relationship, go read about them. Theyre always. passionate wild intense fun relationships. Always. Even if you two do habe something different, they're always intense and why wouldnt they be. The problem is although guy number one is waiting for a green light, he is probably already feed up w the situation, losing respect, and considering not waiting for the green light anymore. He will do this, and you will be stuck with guy number two. You may not think that's so bad, but you will. As soon as things chill out in this explosive chemistry filled relationship, which it will eventually, you'll be left in the same situation as you are in right now with feelings like you have w guy number one, but with far less of the quality you have in guy number one. You'll be stuck now dealing with a guy whose relationship issues are so far behind what you have been through and looking for, and you'll go beg for guy one again. If youve been in long relationships, chances are it feels good to be the more experienced one finally, but it will get old. All the stuff you've learned, you'll have to wait on with him. And that's if he can even figure it out. By this time, guy one will be gone, even if he's still single. Because he will have become indifferent towards you. And you will then realize you screwed up bad. You just lost the man that would have completed you in your grown up life. Not some temporary high your experiencing with this other guy because you guys forget your issues while your together and have great sex. He will not be the man that you are looking for in guy number one. The problem is this is a process you will have to go through in your mind. Chances are unless you can actually look ahead, take advice from others, and see what will happen, you will screw up. This is based on my experience, but if any of that sounds realistic,.even if off in some parts, there's a good chance its true. However, age does play some role in this. It is probably best advice for 25+, as you're finally growing up. If you want to be stuck in same issues but worst when you're 30, go with guy number two. If you want to know what best investment, its guy number one. And if you said you are starting to realize how bad you miss him whrn you're apart, you're love is probably deep long lasting lifetime love. I mean can you even imagine if he dropped off the face of the earth or got married, or just was feed up and gone for good. You would panic. You can not let him go. Imagine him gone, tomorrow. One day, soon enough it will be. Don't make that mistake. Sure sex and chemistry is important in a relationship. But longterm lifetime relationships take a grown man and deep love. You can have a great time with some casual f buddy. Lasting love and lifetime happiness is more of what guy one is. Lifetime happiness happens from people who are best friends. The sex always slows, but the ability to make a relationship work comes from that deep love. It's really easy to get butterflies with some guy that's fun when problems don't matter. But what happens in he real life is that problems happen. Guy two will not hold up. And take it from me please, you will lose guy number one. He may seem in your pocket, but he is a quality guy and he will gain the self respect to lose you and your immature ways, whether single or in a relationship. 1
Charlie Harper Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I find it weird that you are just like your partner number 2 is to you....in the relationship you have with partner number one. havent you noticed? One thing you have to wonder what would happen if partner number one ask you out as a friend, and tells you he met this lovely woman who makes ultra super hot sex with him ? Also what if partner number 2 commits to you and he is not as "good" all around person as pertner number 1. Learn what you need, what you can live with and adapt...you will be happy if you don't you will probably make a lot of mistakes based on what you desire or think you need or want.
oneime101999 Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 (edited) Hi, I just wanted to say I'm a guy number one dealing with a girl like you. I'm done. I don't deserve this. And I have a date this week. Go make your mistakes. Edited October 22, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 3
mysteryscape Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Not everyone "dates around." See the endless discussion of whether "multidating" is a good thing or not (and then the discussion of just what exactly constitutes multidating). But "dating around" comes in different flavors. Having multiple romantic partners is a no-no in many people's book. Not telling them about one another is another no-no. Sleeping with multiple people, especially without telling them, crosses a line that most people even in our free-wheeling society find unacceptable. That is what you are doing. You can see how it leads you into a mess. I'd try to do things differently in the future -- make up a better set of rules for yourself.
kaylan Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Not everyone "dates around." See the endless discussion of whether "multidating" is a good thing or not (and then the discussion of just what exactly constitutes multidating). But "dating around" comes in different flavors. Having multiple romantic partners is a no-no in many people's book. Not telling them about one another is another no-no. Sleeping with multiple people, especially without telling them, crosses a line that most people even in our free-wheeling society find unacceptable. That is what you are doing. You can see how it leads you into a mess. I'd try to do things differently in the future -- make up a better set of rules for yourself. I agree with bold. Sleeping with multiple people is a health risk, not to mention its also dishonest usually. Because most people dont want to sleep with someone whos sleeping with someone else, so usually in order to hook up with one date, and keep it from the other, some dishonesty is usually going on. Its rare to find a man and woman who will both be ok with the other doing physical stuff with others and then coming back to them. I like multi dating, but I keep it non-sexual. Once something becomes sexual with a girl, then Im done with everyone else. OP you are being unfair to guy 1, and treating him like some nice guy scrub. If you are gonna start things off with him based on lie(or omission of the truth), then I see no good coming from dating him. He deserves to know the truth, especially since you seem to think its cool to give it up to some other guy while leading guy 1 on.
mysteryscape Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 so you multidate, but keep it "nonsexual." What exactly does this mean? Different people draw the "sexual" line to be anything from holding hands to having sexual intercourse, with all possibilities in between. Some people are bothered by the idea of "multikissing" others by "multi making out" and so forth. Where do you draw the line and are you completely comfortable with it?
kaylan Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 Non sexual means non sexual. It means things dont get past making out if im actively seeing more than one woman. I dont know many people who multidate who are put off my multi kissing, seeing as kissing is rather light involvement, and not the high health risk sex is. Not to mention sex means a lot more to an establish relationship than kissing generally does. I draw the line at kissing and am totally fine with it. If a girl is just starting to see me, as she gets to know me, she will know where I stand and that getting sexual with me and another guy isnt cool. And Ill show her the same respect. Usually there isnt much multikissing going on before most people cross over into the next realm of physical contact, so I doubt itll be an issue for me.
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