alldayeveryday Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Guy 1: We have been seeing each other awhile. Very sweet and there is no question that he has feelings for me, as I have for him. I know he cares for me, though we are more of friends than we are lovers (we do so much more outside of our sex lives) I do not feel an intense attraction to him, but a lower-stable one that is constant, and I love the security with that. Sometimes I feel like he is much more into me than I him, but realize when he gets distant, I get worried and I miss him...ALOT. We have been growing distant for a few weeks, and I just realized how important he is to me and what a great catch he is, and can honestly feel myself falling for him. My feelings are going deep. I know he is just waiting on me to give him the green light of exclusivity, but Im not quite sure If I want to be off the market right now...for him. Guy 2: Im engulfed by this man. When we are together, nothing else matters. i am so happy and so in the moment. I could picture myself spending my life with him, doing the things we do. There is an intense chemistry, sparks are palpable between us. Our sex life is heaven. Time stops. But, he is a commitment phobe, and his feelings for me are completely new for him and he is in the midst of figuring it all out, and it "scares" him so to speak. He wants to be in a relationship with me...but Im just not too sure he is ready to, and I don't know If I want to risk getting hurt. Which one is the better investment?
carhill Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 I'd wait for Guy #3 to pursue, or 'pursue' him if encountered. Clarity with 1 and 2 will find them moving on or accepting the current dynamic as transitory, cognizant of your feelings towards them. IMO, no need to invest in people who don't match up with what you want. Use them, sure, and vice-versa, but save the investment for a more compatible partner. 2
River Rain Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 You don't want to be off the market for the first guy, so you seem to be stringing him along. The second guy, "commitment-phobe" will never be ready to be in a relationship, so he seems to be stringing you along. I don't see either being long term from what you've described. 6
Author alldayeveryday Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 Well..what if Im not thinking in long term? Who should I spend my time with?
River Rain Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Well..what if Im not thinking in long term? Who should I spend my time with? You asked who is the better investment, that would imply long-term. If you just want to casually date someone, it's up to you to figure out who you have more fun with or continue what you're doing.
mysteryscape Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Does each of these guys know about the other?
Author alldayeveryday Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 Does each of these guys know about the other? guy 2 knows about guy 1, guy 1 knows nothing. I seen guy 2 recently..and although we are fully grown adults he felt the need to "mark me up" in form of rather gross hickies on my neck. smh.
mysteryscape Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 you're having sex with both these guys and #1 does not know and you're thinking he wants to be in a committed relationship? I'd say this is, well, a little bit not forthright. You could send him an email with what you said above about #2 and see how he feels about you then. I'd say the hickie-making session is an indication that guy #2 is not exactly thrilled with things either.
Author alldayeveryday Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 you're having sex with both these guys and #1 does not know and you're thinking he wants to be in a committed relationship? I'd say this is, well, a little bit not forthright. You could send him an email with what you said above about #2 and see how he feels about you then. I'd say the hickie-making session is an indication that guy #2 is not exactly thrilled with things either. Yep...if I did that then I know he'd be done with me. Sooooo does that just leave me with Guy #2 who is still feeling me despite me seeing someone else? What does that say about him and his feelings towards me? Ugh..so much to think about.
mysteryscape Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 If I was guy #1 I would certainly dump you if I knew what was going and how you feel. Sorry to put it that bluntly! When I was much, much younger I was once in a situation with someone who I had been seeing for about 3 months. She then started seeing her ex-boyfriend. She and I weren't sleeping together yet, she had slept with him but wasn't anymore. I was really angry about the whole situation, and gave her the hickie treatment right before she left on a trip to visit her parents, which also was where the ex-boyfriend lived. She eventually let go of him, but I never got over being resentful of her behavior. I'd say your best bet would be to let go of #1 -- if you are being this deceptive, it's completely unfair to him -- you could also let him know, and give him the satisfaction of being the dumper, if you're up to it. Then see how things go with #2. Maybe he'll get over his resentment, if that's what it is. In the future, you might do yourself (and others) a favor and avoid getting into a mess like this! 1
SmileFace Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 I say neither.. You need to stop leading on #1 - that is wrong, why wouldn't you tell him you are seeing others? That isn't fair to him Number #2 isn't going to commit to you and seem to be looking for that. So stop dating both and wait for a guy to come along who will fill all your needs and not have you decided between two guys. 1
LittlePrince Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Neither. Stop pursuing multiple men at the same time. It is creepy.
Author alldayeveryday Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 Neither. Stop pursuing multiple men at the same time. It is creepy. Elaborate on the creepiness. Isn't that what single people do? Date around?
LittlePrince Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Elaborate on the creepiness. Isn't that what single people do? Date around? There is dating and then there is preying. Predatory behavior is never considered a normal part of dating.
Author alldayeveryday Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 (edited) I really don't get it...me and Guy 1 aren't official and not exclusive...why the hate? Edited October 22, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed reference to deleted post
LittlePrince Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I really don't get it...me and Guy 1 aren't official and not exclusive...why the hate? Not everyone will be accepting of your lifestyle. For many this way of conducting yourself is still considered disgusting.
truth_seeker Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I really don't get it...me and Guy 1 aren't official and not exclusive...why the hate? You wrote: "I know he is just waiting on me to give him the green light of exclusivity, but Im not quite sure If I want to be off the market right now...for him." You're playing with this guy's heart while you get your brains banged out by the other guy. No hate. Just truth. What you're setting yourself up for is Guy #1 realizing you're a not good enough for him and bailing. You run into Guy #2's arms and he tells you he doesn't see you more than a f--k friend. This is what you call karma. 2
Author alldayeveryday Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 (edited) to be quite honest, Ive only slept with him (guy 1) twice (same night) and haven't since. I haven't ****ed guy #2 since Ive been with Guy #1. Ive mentioned seeing guy #2 recently, but all we did was have a really heavy make out session... Edited October 22, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed reference to deleted post
LittlePrince Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 to be quite honest, Ive only slept with him (guy 1) twice (same night) and haven't since. I haven't ****ed guy #2 since Ive been with Guy #1. Ive mentioned seeing guy #2 recently, but all we did was have a really heavy make out session... Yes, that makes it all better. 1
Author alldayeveryday Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 You wrote: "I know he is just waiting on me to give him the green light of exclusivity, but Im not quite sure If I want to be off the market right now...for him." You're playing with this guy's heart while you get your brains banged out by the other guy. No hate. Just truth. What you're setting yourself up for is Guy #1 realizing you're a not good enough for him and bailing. You run into Guy #2's arms and he tells you he doesn't see you more than a f--k friend. This is what you call karma. Like I said, being with him could be an option...then I won't be leading him on as my feelings for him are growing more and more....but yeah you kind of hit the mark on Guy #2, he was an ex **** friend, never wanting to commit or even talk about it until recently.
truth_seeker Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 but yeah you kind of hit the mark on Guy #2, he was an ex **** friend, never wanting to commit or even talk about it until recently. Now we're getting closer to the truth.
LittlePrince Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Like I said, being with him could be an option...then I won't be leading him on as my feelings for him are growing more and more....but yeah you kind of hit the mark on Guy #2, he was an ex **** friend, never wanting to commit or even talk about it until recently. If he was smart he would pretend he wanted more to just string you along for more pussy but then again it doesn't look like he needs to do that.
Author alldayeveryday Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 If he was smart he would pretend he wanted more to just string you along for more pussy but then again it doesn't look like he needs to do that. yeah. I guess thats why he's been talking about committing recently..maybe he just misses the sex with me.
William Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Did a little vulgarity and civility and respect cleanup. Let's focus on the selection process rather than characterizations of the thread starter. Stage Two.
todreaminblue Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 (edited) without a doubt guy one.....when you allow yourself to let go of guy two you will see your feelings will deepen even more.....sex is great....but it shouldn't be the holder in a relationship attraction can fade take on a different hue....and having outside interests....cements a relationship......i don't know if i should use a relationship that failed but it did last fifteen years so ill use it......i didn't have strong sexual attraction towards my ex not at the beginning i have never really done the sexual attraction thing as a reason for a relationship.......not in the beginning i find a developed friendship attractive enough......we did outside interests and spent a lot of time together..... the fact was i had a boyfriend(guy A) if you could call him that....i was left alone a lot while said boyfriend stayed at other girls houses........this friendship developed between guy b and myself was exactly that friendship no sexual interest on my part......he would come shopping with me i was heavily pregnant .....nine pound ten baby on the way..... and he would carry my shopping shout me lunch which i would argue about....he would sit with me on the front steps and watch the night go by now over time.....this friendship became one that i had deep emotional attachment for a strong foundation that i believed would and could handle us being together.......i ended my relationship with guy a immediately went to the girls house he was at.......and told him it was over i wanted to move on i had feelings for someone else thats how i manage my feelings.....i didnt start anything with him until it was over with guy a........and i was brutally honest......with guy and a and guy b......you can judge me if you want but thats how i managed to avoid any hurt feelings for anyone including mine...i had stopped sleeping with guy A after he got me pregnant.....and i didtn sleep with guy b until we were officially together(i had known him as a friend for two years) you should in my opinion resolve your feelings for the second guy....before going ahead with guy number one....dont take the commitment phobe..... build on a friendship even though my relationship didnt work out.....it was a strong relationship that i built on trust...... until he started cheating.......and that had nothing to do with me.......circumstance and his nature determined that......i am glad i am where i am no9w anyway.....things happen for a reason...you cant have any guarantees in a relationship....doesnt matter if you are a rock in a relationship ...you have to weather all kinds of storms.....guy one is your safest haven....take it....before and after crap gets rough..blue skies are then so much sweeter..you will be glad that you did the best life and love has to offer you....i wish you well and i pray that guy number one becomes your focus..he sounds like he is yours........deb Edited October 22, 2012 by todreaminblue atrocious spelling
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