LoveHurts88 Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 So my ex and I have been texting for a week or so now. She initiates the conversation usually.. As Calico told me to ask her if we would get back together, I did. The answer was maybe in the future which usually means no and I get that... and that maybe we could be friends. I told her I don't think so not now... Anyways.. Today she asked me to go to the movies, before we went to the movies we went to grab a bite then watched a movie. It was good times like before. We weren't shy with each other. Nothing awkward and I just dropped her back off at home. Is this just her way of keeping me as a friend? Or does she have feelings and want to get back?
Calico Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 See me tomorrow at 5am on the market square for public flocking! Okay, seriously ... It means you still have to settle the question whether you want to be friends or get back together! You asked her and she essentially said "no", then she asked to be friends and you said "no" -- and then you both ignore each other's answers and go to a movie and play with one another! Well, it's in a limbo state now. You probably feel that this is better than nothing, and maybe it is. I don't know her thoughts. I sort of lingered around like that with my ex too, and it made things harder in the end, because there's always new hope and new disappointments and it slowly tears you apart. But that was me, and this is you. It may not go that way. If it was me, I'd probably wait a couple days and see what happens, and then ask her again. Something like, "You know, I love you and want you back, and those past few days reminded me of the beginning. Have you thought more about staying together?". I'd treat carefully and let her steer the wheel until it's clear that she is not interested in a relationship (clear to you, that is). Then you need to jump out of the car. You probably dread doing that, but you'll need to settle this. Be mindful of not getting friend-zoned, and remember that she's probably a little confused too. It's not all that easy for the dumper if they still have emotional attachment.
Author LoveHurts88 Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 See me tomorrow at 5am on the market square for public flocking! Okay, seriously ... It means you still have to settle the question whether you want to be friends or get back together! You asked her and she essentially said "no", then she asked to be friends and you said "no" -- and then you both ignore each other's answers and go to a movie and play with one another! Well, it's in a limbo state now. You probably feel that this is better than nothing, and maybe it is. I don't know her thoughts. I sort of lingered around like that with my ex too, and it made things harder in the end, because there's always new hope and new disappointments and it slowly tears you apart. But that was me, and this is you. It may not go that way. If it was me, I'd probably wait a couple days and see what happens, and then ask her again. Something like, "You know, I love you and want you back, and those past few days reminded me of the beginning. Have you thought more about staying together?". I'd treat carefully and let her steer the wheel until it's clear that she is not interested in a relationship (clear to you, that is). Then you need to jump out of the car. You probably dread doing that, but you'll need to settle this. Be mindful of not getting friend-zoned, and remember that she's probably a little confused too. It's not all that easy for the dumper if they still have emotional attachment. sorry when I told her that I don't think we can be friends, she said truth is I miss talking to you. I guess that might be the truth.. As for now I'm doing okay actually I had a good night out. She just texted me and said thanks and that she had a goodnight. I love her and there's no denying that.. She msg's me everyday I don't do any initiating, and yeah i do not want to be in the friend-zone. When we were at dinner, it's like nothng happened we were both laughing having a good time. We actually laughed quite a bit. It was just like before.
Calico Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 And I meant flogging. So little time to edit posts here. Well, for now just enjoy that you had a nice night and that there were no harsh words, and you even experienced a bit of romance. Just take it for what it is right now and don't overthink it. It's not bad to feel good for a bit. The friend-zoning is what you can only prevent by getting a clear answer from her, but I know it's difficult because if you push too much you might worry that by nagging you made her say "no" when otherwise you'd have had a chance (it's not likely, but often and falsely seems to make sense). I'd explain that to her just like this, and that you need the answer for your mind's peace. But wait a little. She'll think about your night together, too. Allow her to let that sink in.
Author LoveHurts88 Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 LOL i keep forgetting details. She also asked at dinner if I had a girlfriend or was seeing someone else... She said that she would gimme perspective on them if I did.
hinatticus Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 LOL i keep forgetting details. She also asked at dinner if I had a girlfriend or was seeing someone else... She said that she would gimme perspective on them if I did. That to me is a bad sign.
immitable Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 (edited) So my ex and I have been texting for a week or so now. She initiates the conversation usually.. As Calico told me to ask her if we would get back together, I did. The answer was maybe in the future which usually means no and I get that... and that maybe we could be friends. I told her I don't think so not now... Anyways.. Today she asked me to go to the movies, before we went to the movies we went to grab a bite then watched a movie. It was good times like before. We weren't shy with each other. Nothing awkward and I just dropped her back off at home. Is this just her way of keeping me as a friend? Or does she have feelings and want to get back? the fact that she initiated conversations means that she, after all, sees some quality in you after all. I assume she was the dumper. Now it is up to you to turn this into win win situation. I also assume you have healed in the mean time. win #1 is that your self esteem is up bc ex wants you near win#2 - and this you have to play smart - don't fall into the "old familiar" trap, we are oh so comfortable with eachother and soon all the reminders of why she broke up with you are going to be there, This is your opportunity to show her you changed and at the same time to really look into the situation and decide for yourself if you want to be with her. It is all about you. Show her that you are the man, you need to get her interested in you again as she is giving you the oportunity. This time is about what you want though. Edited October 21, 2012 by immitable
Author LoveHurts88 Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 the fact that she initiated conversations means that she, after all, sees some quality in you after all. I assume she was the dumper. Now it is up to you to turn this into win win situation. I also assume you have healed in the mean time. win #1 is that your self esteem is up bc ex wants you near win#2 - and this you have to play smart - don't fall into the "old familiar" trap, we are oh so comfortable with eachother and soon all the reminders of why she broke up with you are going to be there, This is your opportunity to show her you changed and at the same time to really look into the situation and decide for yourself if you want to be with her. It is all about you. Show her that you are the man, you need to get her interested in you again as she is giving you the oportunity. This time is about what you want though. Yup she's the dumper. I'm doing good, miss her but doing good. So should I take it slow
veggirl Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Yup she's the dumper. I'm doing good, miss her but doing good. So should I take it slow Wait why did you go out to the movies and dinner with her if she doesn't want you back and you don't want to be friends? What are you hoping happens?
Author LoveHurts88 Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 Wait why did you go out to the movies and dinner with her if she doesn't want you back and you don't want to be friends? What are you hoping happens? Even when I told her I don't think we can be friends I don't know what happened but we continued to talk to each other.. She had a bday to go to yesterday but instead she invited me to the movies... I want her back is what im hoping to happen.
fiser360 Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 If she asked to be friends...I dont think she has any intention of being more right now. Unless you are okay with just being friends, Id suggest going NC.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 I say if it went well, continue seeing her, but be sure to ramp up the flirting/intimacy gradually. Make it perfectly clear that you want more. If she pulls back, you pull back and go NC. If she gives the green light, continue. It sounds like it was at least positive, but you can't let yourself get stuck in friendzone limbo.
NoMoreJerks Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Even when I told her I don't think we can be friends I don't know what happened but we continued to talk to each other.. She had a bday to go to yesterday but instead she invited me to the movies... I want her back is what im hoping to happen. You are doing what I wanted to do with my ex, when he told me he just "loved me as a friend". I still wanted to keep in touch with him and hang out with him (because I was hoping for more), and he wanted to hang out with me. Eventually, I decided that this was not going to work out for me, because I knew I was hoping for more. So I just went NC. He can go find himself someone else to hang out with. You are doing what she wants you to do, by spending time with her regardless of the fact that you don't want to be friends with her. You are showing her that you are willing to ignore YOUR needs, for hers. That does not show self-respect. And if you don't respect yourself and your needs, how can you expect others to respect you and your needs? I don't see why you would've hung out with her if she essentially said "no" to getting back together. Unless of course you are completely OK with being JUST FRIENDS with her. Which I don't think you are, judging from your posts.
Author LoveHurts88 Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 I am that nice guy always have been. Maybe I'll b direct and ask her again
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