Gloria25 Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 When you officially know it's over, did you ever just want to tell the other person to "go to heck" or "get bent" or anything? What did you do to get it off your chest? Did you actually tell them? Did you write it on a piece of paper and throw away? Do tell, do share!!!
MonsterMash Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 When you officially know it's over, did you ever just want to tell the other person to "go to heck" or "get bent" or anything? What did you do to get it off your chest? Did you actually tell them? Did you write it on a piece of paper and throw away? Do tell, do share!!! Yeah. When all the excuses and "I'm sorry's" ran out....I told her I couldn't spend my life with a wh**e I couldn't trust. 1
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 No, there is absolutely no point to tell them off. Even if you want nothing to do with them this is the ultimate payback. Think of any breakup you've had, first thing that probably pops in your head is how you broke up. After that you might think about other stuff but the way the relationship ended is usually first. I want her to never have a bad thought, I don't want her to ever justify leaving me. She must think back and always say "he was perfect, I lost". This is my payback. She sent her final text to me 2 days ago, "you're an amazing man, you'll make someone very happy one day". I thought about my response for a while, anything from cursing her to telling her I loved her. I responded "goodbye (name)".
Calico Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 I sort of see it like Navy. There's short-term relief in bitching someone out, but it makes you look bitter and slightly "out of control", and you'll probably regret it later. When the anger dissolves and you start missing them again, there's a good chance that you'll wish you hadn't said what you did (and worse, you may end up apologizing and use that as a reason to make contact). Emotional investment gets you stuck. For me, mostly, it's about how I will feel about myself. I recall a breakup some seven years ago where I handled things poorly and ended up with weeks of mutual nastiness, arguments, hurtful words, harsh fights, and not only did it achieve nothing, I'm also not particularly proud of myself when I look back at this. It's just not how I want "to go out". Can't do much about them not wanting me, but I can do something about not leaving the stage screaming, flailing and foaming. And lastly, like Navy said, even if you want to pay them back, going with your head held up high and in an unexpected, calm manner, you'll deprive them of more nasty stories to tell about you, and you'll make it more likely that they'll regret that they let you go (not in the near future, but eventually). It's the final hurrah. Of course, if you do it like KatZee and act like a furious wild cat, you'll be remembered as incredibly sexy. But that's the exception.
Berna Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 I just told him how I felt about some things that bothered me. I didn't swear, get angry, I was never rude. I wouldn't feel better if I was.
mishy Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 I am pissed off and angry, but i know that if i act that way its just going to make it worse. Its better to 'do nothing" and have them wonder how you are feeling, than tell them off. Its better to take the high road.
dreamstate83 Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 When mine came to absolution, I simply said "Thank you for the good times before all this. Do your best to find a smile in life down the road, and best of luck to you". It's the kind of message that at the time sounds nice, but when I'm over it all and she's sitting at the house alone I know she'll be thinking of me. Just like many other people have said, living a good life and moving on is the best revenge 1
Sugarkane Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 I did the right thing and never once got a nice goodbye message like that. No, there is absolutely no point to tell them off. Even if you want nothing to do with them this is the ultimate payback. Think of any breakup you've had, first thing that probably pops in your head is how you broke up. After that you might think about other stuff but the way the relationship ended is usually first. I want her to never have a bad thought, I don't want her to ever justify leaving me. She must think back and always say "he was perfect, I lost". This is my payback. She sent her final text to me 2 days ago, "you're an amazing man, you'll make someone very happy one day". I thought about my response for a while, anything from cursing her to telling her I loved her. I responded "goodbye (name)".
Sugarkane Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 I once threatened at ExGF to disclose some things to her friends/family (they were all unknowingly cheating on each other, and her probably me) if she didn't stop contacting me with hate emails/calls/texts/posts etc.. ^^ nice way of putting it. Anyways, I sort of felt bad... Set the tone and straightened her right out though, never heard from her again. The same ex gf? Don't feel bad sounds like you had to do something about the situation.
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 I attempted to take the high road but my ex wouldn't let me have it and kept saying hurtful things to provoke an angry response. I snapped and told him many nasty, hateful things. Everything I said was true though and I held back from saying those things during the R. No regrets here, no apologies. Eight months later we are attempting to be coffee friends. I think that often taking the high road leaves you looking like a doormat, or even worse "Aw he/she was such a sweet, nice guy/girl too bad I fell out of love with him/her. If I could make myself love them, I totally would but it just doesn't work that way. What a pity :(" I would rather go out as a mean biatch that says it like it is 3
mishy Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 I attempted to take the high road but my ex wouldn't let me have it and kept saying hurtful things to provoke an angry response. I snapped and told him many nasty, hateful things. Everything I said was true though and I held back from saying those things during the R. No regrets here, no apologies. Eight months later we are attempting to be coffee friends. I think that often taking the high road leaves you looking like a doormat, or even worse "Aw he/she was such a sweet, nice guy/girl too bad I fell out of love with him/her. If I could make myself love them, I totally would but it just doesn't work that way. What a pity :(" I would rather go out as a mean biatch that says it like it is oh god reading this really makes me want to give him a piece of my mind But we all know that when a woman speaks her mind she is labelled "psycho"
Sugarkane Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 oh god reading this really makes me want to give him a piece of my mind But we all know that when a woman speaks her mind she is labelled "psycho" So true and I hate that!
Sugarkane Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Um.. don't remember mentioning another one. This was the last one, a young serbian girl I met here in Afghanistan. It started out circumstantial, they we fell for one another, then she thought she had a green card and stopped working... or something. That's what seemingly happened, anyways. I did have one other girl I left when I started working over seas. She was older, sort of passive aggressive, she had a son (I considered it baggage.) But, all and all, she was a great woman, the timing was just off. That really sucks. I've had a co worker want me to marry her relative, who Ive never spoken too/ met, so he could get sponsored and live here.
fiser360 Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 No, there is absolutely no point to tell them off. Even if you want nothing to do with them this is the ultimate payback. Think of any breakup you've had, first thing that probably pops in your head is how you broke up. After that you might think about other stuff but the way the relationship ended is usually first. I want her to never have a bad thought, I don't want her to ever justify leaving me. She must think back and always say "he was perfect, I lost". This is my payback. She sent her final text to me 2 days ago, "you're an amazing man, you'll make someone very happy one day". I thought about my response for a while, anything from cursing her to telling her I loved her. I responded "goodbye (name)". I'm completely with Navy here. All the break-ups I've gone through Ive thought about saying terrible stuff to try and get revenge but then I think, What good is going to come from this? I try to take the high-road instead. I usually dont respond, or if I do send something short and to the point like mentioned above. If you really feel like you need to say something...type it out, but DONT send it. Let it sit there for a few hours, maybe even a whole day and think on it. Think about what good is actually going to come from you begging or cursing at your ex, most likely the answer is going to be, none. I found this helpful in the past. Stay strong. Hopefully everything works out for you.
21flames Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 I new she was up to something, we argued one day and she took no blame, put everything on me said we should split and me move out. I did and the first month i was after answers and what she was doing ( Which was in the process of moving in with a new man ) and it was obvious. All threw this I still had her asking if we could sort things and she loved me, even though she must have had this planned for months and she was still denying it. I went threw looking for answers to being a mushy doormat then one day When I found out for sure she was doing this I texted her half a day back and forth and told her exactly what I thought of her and what she does and I really said some really hurtfully stuff yet between these messages she was still saying ' I will never forget us '..........You know what it felt great to let it all out and give her that then I went NC over 2 weeks back and feel a lot better. We where together 5 years, lived in a flat nearly 3 and that flat is now up for rent and she has moved, 8 weeks after I left, 4 weeks after she was asking if we could work things out. Actions speak louder than words!!
21flames Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 She more than deserved my harsh words, cause the truth hurts to someone who can't handle who she is , what she does and how she hurts people with deceit and lies. It helps and is worth doing on the hope she may take it on board but people like that it's unlikely!!
a.b Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 She cheated on me, and it would have been real easy to shout at her and call her every name under the sun. But after a long talk I just said I would have never ever done what she did to me, and that I was stunned she would do that to me. Haven't spoke to her since.
21flames Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 a.b. Sounds like she was willing to talk and maybe be honest to a certain extent so in that case they is no need for nasty exchanges.
a.b Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 a.b. Sounds like she was willing to talk and maybe be honest to a certain extent so in that case they is no need for nasty exchanges. Plus i'm just not a shouting or angry person, does me no good. She has moved on very quickly so being angry with her would have probably no effect anyway so would be no point.
21flames Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 I agree there would be no point for you but my situation was different she threw everything back in my face and talked to me like a piece of s*** and I felt it needed to be done as there was still constant denial right up until I started NC.
a.b Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 I agree there would be no point for you but my situation was different she threw everything back in my face and talked to me like a piece of s*** and I felt it needed to be done as there was still constant denial right up until I started NC. best thing to do is let them be!
21flames Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 I am my friend. It's the only thing that has helped me and stopped the stress. 1
KatZee Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 OK so I'm going to make an extremely long story short. -Dated my ex almost three years. -He confessed he cheated on our 2yr anni. I decided to stay. Stupid. -The next 8 months he spent becoming increasingly emotionally abusive. -Didn't do a thing to get my trust back, took advantage, criticized, etc.etc. -He dumped me. -I went NC for 5 weeks. I decided to reach out. He called me back. We spoke. He sounded happy to hear from me. He told his friends the split was "temporary." -Another 2 weeks NC. -Morning of 2 week NC I get a text msg. from him telling me to sell all the jewelry he bought me. There was no us. He didn't want to give me the wrong impression. -Find out that night that he was dating a chick from his new job. This is the job he got to move closer to me. I waited 1 1/2 years in LD relationship for him to come back to me. When he did, he met her and dumped me. YOU BET YOUR A.SS I reamed him out and tore him a new one. I told him that he was a piece of s.hit and would always be one. That he was a liar, and pathetic and that I was glad I could go to bed at night guilt free. He proceeded to tell me to "lose his number" and "have a nice life" and that "this will be the last text I ever send you." The e-mail I sent him following those messages were BEYOND horrendous. I still have it saved, and it's the harshest, meanest, coldest e-mail of life. To sum up that e-mail... it ends with: "You are nothing to me but a bad memory, and I regret ever meeting you." I have no regrets, and no remorse from sending him any of that. Almost 3 years I held my tongue with him. Respected him. When he did none of that for me. F.UCK him.
iris219 Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 My ex didn't actually tell me it was over. He's a coward, so he went MIA, and this wasn't after a fight. This was with no warning. I was trying to figure things out and get him to talk, so I sent a nice email, which I regret, A LOT. Then I sent a nasty text, which I'm happy about. My only regret is that it wasn't nasty enough.
21flames Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 OK so I'm going to make an extremely long story short. -Dated my ex almost three years. -He confessed he cheated on our 2yr anni. I decided to stay. Stupid. -The next 8 months he spent becoming increasingly emotionally abusive. -Didn't do a thing to get my trust back, took advantage, criticized, etc.etc. -He dumped me. -I went NC for 5 weeks. I decided to reach out. He called me back. We spoke. He sounded happy to hear from me. He told his friends the split was "temporary." -Another 2 weeks NC. -Morning of 2 week NC I get a text msg. from him telling me to sell all the jewelry he bought me. There was no us. He didn't want to give me the wrong impression. -Find out that night that he was dating a chick from his new job. This is the job he got to move closer to me. I waited 1 1/2 years in LD relationship for him to come back to me. When he did, he met her and dumped me. YOU BET YOUR A.SS I reamed him out and tore him a new one. I told him that he was a piece of s.hit and would always be one. That he was a liar, and pathetic and that I was glad I could go to bed at night guilt free. He proceeded to tell me to "lose his number" and "have a nice life" and that "this will be the last text I ever send you." The e-mail I sent him following those messages were BEYOND horrendous. I still have it saved, and it's the harshest, meanest, coldest e-mail of life. To sum up that e-mail... it ends with: "You are nothing to me but a bad memory, and I regret ever meeting you." I have no regrets, and no remorse from sending him any of that. Almost 3 years I held my tongue with him. Respected him. When he did none of that for me. F.UCK him. I totally agree with you, you where treated like sh**, lied and cheated to and so on. I never had the don't contact me and other harsh mind games he gave you after the split but I think all the anger and everything you think of that person should be told to them otherwise you just look like the doormat you always where in the relationship. It's the last bit of ' This is what I think of you '....Which is hard to swallow. And imo if they have lied and denied until the very end then they more than deserved every piece of your mind! Not expressing how you feel about them is just helping them justify that's it is ok to treat you and other people like this. I doubt it will ever really hit home but You well I certainly did feel better for it.
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