sendme Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 navyairtraffic... once posted something about dating yourself to help you recover from a bad break up... this weekend I've wanted to do two things... one is go out... but all my girlfriends are busy or out of town... and go to the movies... at this hour a movie is probably out (10pm where I am) but I'm thinking i might still be able to hit up a bar... have you ever gone out alone? I must admit I've never done it and I'm terrified I'll be even lonelier... sometimes even with a group of friends bars can be very lonely places... would you go? How does one behave in a bar by themselves so they don't look pathetic?
MonsterMash Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 navyairtraffic... once posted something about dating yourself to help you recover from a bad break up... this weekend I've wanted to do two things... one is go out... but all my girlfriends are busy or out of town... and go to the movies... at this hour a movie is probably out (10pm where I am) but I'm thinking i might still be able to hit up a bar... have you ever gone out alone? I must admit I've never done it and I'm terrified I'll be even lonelier... sometimes even with a group of friends bars can be very lonely places... would you go? How does one behave in a bar by themselves so they don't look pathetic? I frequent the bars that I've worked at before and know the bartenders. Being friends with them I can have a conversation with him/her without being or feeling pathetic. And if someone interesting sits by me...well, I just have to see what develops.
MonsterMash Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Oh and just to add...no one can make you feel pathetic except you. You're going out for you. Screw what anyone else thinks. 3
Shaun-Dro Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 navyairtraffic... once posted something about dating yourself to help you recover from a bad break up... this weekend I've wanted to do two things... one is go out... but all my girlfriends are busy or out of town... and go to the movies... at this hour a movie is probably out (10pm where I am) but I'm thinking i might still be able to hit up a bar... have you ever gone out alone? I must admit I've never done it and I'm terrified I'll be even lonelier... sometimes even with a group of friends bars can be very lonely places... would you go? How does one behave in a bar by themselves so they don't look pathetic? Why do you care what anyone thinks? They don't even know you to care. I go out by myself all the time and enjoy my own company. I'm a loner. I'm actually open to meeting a woman who has the guts to do that. I might be the first to take her seriously.
foreverastone Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Generally I find girls going to a bar by herself is more acceptable than a guy but that's my 2 cents. Although i haven't actually tried it myself cuz I always get scared that it might be awkward like not knowing where to stand/ sit and where to look. but yeh, i don't have a good impression of people going to bars by themselves because all the people that i've met when they're alone are a bit seedy. I'm open to be proved wrong but that's what i've seen so far Let me know how it goes
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Firstly a woman going out by herself might be a little dangerous. You should take precautions. You'd have no problem at a bar I assure you. A girl by herself at a bar is like a fish in a barrel. Most men don't approach women because they are in groups, it's intimidating. You would be alone for 30 seconds at a bar by yourself. 20 seconds for men to be sure your boyfriend isn't following you, allow 10 seconds for them to sprint at you. Just go to the bar and sit there for a second. DON'T BUY A DRINK, just wait 30 seconds. Wait for the magic happen.
NoMoreJerks Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 navyairtraffic... once posted something about dating yourself to help you recover from a bad break up... this weekend I've wanted to do two things... one is go out... but all my girlfriends are busy or out of town... and go to the movies... at this hour a movie is probably out (10pm where I am) but I'm thinking i might still be able to hit up a bar... have you ever gone out alone? I must admit I've never done it and I'm terrified I'll be even lonelier... sometimes even with a group of friends bars can be very lonely places... would you go? How does one behave in a bar by themselves so they don't look pathetic? I do it all the time, and I'm female.... The first time I was EXTREMELY nervous. But went to a bar i go to with my friends, so it was a more or less friendly environment. Sat at the tables the first time, in the corner, cos was too nervous to sit at the bar, or to be noticed sitting alone. Next time, I realized that the first time around, i was a wall flower, so i decided to sit at the bar. it was very awkward and i was very nervous, but it went ok, no one approached me, but i was relieved and happy because of it. stayed for an hour,h ad a beer, and left. this was at around 7-8pm though. I got a bit bolder over time, staying a bit later, and not really feeling awkward sitting at the bar by myself. Sometimes i got approached, most of the time i didn't. I go by myself all the time now, and i feel completely at ease. been even trying new bars, and i have discovered a bar that i really like, even though i wasnt familiar with it in the past. i think it's about self-confidence. i take my android tablet with me. the bar has free wifi, so that maeks it easier. or else, i would take a book (if not too late in the night).... otherwise, a little booklet that i can write or sketch in, just to spend some time on my own in case no one approaches me.. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Firstly a woman going out by herself might be a little dangerous. You should take precautions. Not really. Bars are not the same as clubs, and a woman just needs to exercise common sense based on instinct. I have been doing this for over 2 years now, and i am ok. i don't ever do ONS though. You'd have no problem at a bar I assure you. A girl by herself at a bar is like a fish in a barrel. Most men don't approach women because they are in groups, it's intimidating. You would be alone for 30 seconds at a bar by yourself. 20 seconds for men to be sure your boyfriend isn't following you, allow 10 seconds for them to sprint at you. I've been going to bars on my own for 2 years now (about twice a week) and this is the 2nd time i ever get approached. mind you, i used to have very low self-esteem until very recently, so maybe that had an impact in the past. still, most men, even in bars, would not approach "normal" looking women, just the slutty women (who woulda actually approach THEM).
Sugarkane Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 I did this before but it was boring by myself. I didn't get approached at all. There's like an urban legend at my local. There's this woman that always goes by herself and akways watches the band. I've seen her there aswell. She always get approached and always rejects everyone. That annoyed me while I didn't get approached once. People think she's some jealous gf of the cover band. But no one has proof of that and never seen her talk to any of The band. Now that cover band plays at a different venue. Don't know if she still goes or not.
NewUser222 Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I would start off with going to a movie by yourself. I have done that before and it actually felt really good if you are trying to give your mind a small vacation
amaysngrace Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I've done it a couple times before and it ended kind of ugly both times. Of course I was married at the time.
julia12 Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Someone I know was feeling lonely and bored, went into a local bar and met her husband. She has been happily married for ages. Just saying!
KatZee Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 i take my android tablet with me. the bar has free wifi, so that maeks it easier. or else, i would take a book (if not too late in the night).... otherwise, a little booklet that i can write or sketch in, just to spend some time on my own in case no one approaches me.. If you're going alone TRYING to be approached, this is the reason you're NOT being approached. You are behaving completely unapproachable. No one is going to go up and bother someone who's reading, or who has her head buried in some electronic device. I think you're trying to say you're confident, but you're not. These "things" are your crutch. The next time you go out alone, go ALONE. That means no book, no tablet, no "occupation" to appear less alone. Sit at the bar, try talking to someone next to you. Chat the bartender, check out what's going on, on the TV and talk to someone about it.
NoMoreJerks Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 If you're going alone TRYING to be approached, this is the reason you're NOT being approached. You are behaving completely unapproachable. No one is going to go up and bother someone who's reading, or who has her head buried in some electronic device. Uh, not really. I only look at my tablet VERY occasionally. Like, for a minute every 10 minutes. Plenty of chances for people to approach me in the meantime. Also, I've had men use my tablet as a way to start a conversation. That happened the other day. I don't think just sitting and looking around like a damsel in distress waiting for men to approach you, is a more productive approach. I am not even necessarily looking for a hook-up anyway. I like things to flow naturally, and I will not make efforts into propping myself up as someone who is begging/waiting to be approached. I have done both approaches (going into the bar without anything to occupy me), and let me tell you, NO ONE approached me then, whereas I've had plenty of men in recent days approach me while I had my tablet with me. There really is no rule, and like I said, I am not completely immersed in what I am doing. It's not like I am doing work and have tons of papers scattered around, etc. I think you're trying to say you're confident, but you're not. These "things" are your crutch. Bullcrap. I am as confident as any can be. I don't approach men myself, but that is because any man who doesn't have the balls to approach me is not worth my time, to be honest. I am still quite "traditional" in that respect. But I am by no means non-confident... On the contrary, it takes a lot of confidence for a woman to go out to the bar on her own, and in the 2 years that I have been doing that, I have not seen ONE woman do that. Not one. The next time you go out alone, go ALONE. That means no book, no tablet, no "occupation" to appear less alone. Sit at the bar, try talking to someone next to you. Chat the bartender, check out what's going on, on the TV and talk to someone about it. Been there, done that. It does not increase the chances of being able to talk to someone. I do chat to the bartenders, but they have a job to do and I can't chat to them non-stop all night long. A lot of the time I am not interested in the men sitting next to me. They are acting immature, or just do not turn me on, etc. Judgmental? Sure. But it is what it is. I don't talk with those who don't intellectually stimulate me or compel me to talk to them, especially if they do not make any effort to talk to me. I go alone -- my tablet is a "prop", if you have ever heard of props. It is a way to waste time when there's nothing interesting going on around me. It's a way to do something more productive than staring around me and silently "screaming" that I want some attention (or that I am looking for sex). A lot of the time, TVs at the bar have baseball games on. NOT interested, I DO NOT follow baseball, and can't pretend I'm interested in it to save my life.
Emilia Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 have you ever gone out alone? I must admit I've never done it and I'm terrified I'll be even lonelier... sometimes even with a group of friends bars can be very lonely places... would you go? How does one behave in a bar by themselves so they don't look pathetic? I would go to bars where I knew the bartender or I was some sort of regular at already. I used to do that when I lived somewhere else but it was a member's club so the vibe was different. I think about that sometimes because going to bars with friends can be a mixed bag but a lot of the time you could be just hit on by drunks a lot and that gets tedious soon. So I'd say it depends on the bar and the neighbourhood
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