MrCastle Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 I'm wondering if anyone has ever been in a situation I'm in now where a person says one thing but does another? I've had a girl tell me "I don't want to lead you on. Sometimes my friendliness is taken the wrong way". However, she never flakes when I ask her to hang; sometimes she'll be the one asking me to hang. She lets me touch her without feeling uncomfortable with it and often reciprocates the touching. Pretty good when it comes to texting/maintaining communication. I don't understand this. My very first girlfriend actually told me "I only see you as a friend. Sorry"--two weeks later she asked me to be her boyfriend. I can understand the friend zone situation when a girl is showing no signs of interest; but this is weird. What she says goes against what she does. I'm wondering if I should continue pushing through, business as usual, or if I should just move on? Has anyone had a person say they consider you a friend but their actions said otherwise and if so, what happened? Link to post Share on other sites
yongyong Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 how far have you escalated? you know cuddling doesn't mean anything at your age. When you meet her next time, I would escalate as much as I can. If she doesn't want to kiss or make out, stop there. keep some distance, let her contact you to hang out and do that again till she accepts you or blows you away. If you just want to hangout with her without getting action, that's fine. But if you don't want to waste time, you gotta have 'blow me or blow me out' attitude. eg) Do you want to make 'the sale'? Would you just keep hanging out with a customer talking about products? OR would you take a step and try to make her sign the contract? For me, if she isn't going to buy the product, I would tell her f-ck off and don't waste my time (by body language) Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 Why would this matter to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrCastle Posted October 21, 2012 Author Share Posted October 21, 2012 What I'm not getting is; why even--like--sometimes our conversations turn sexual. Sometimes, if I happen to mention another girl she'll say "oh so that's my competition?!" We've even had a conversation where we both agreed men and women can't be friends...then last week we went to a bar and she was extra friendly and the next morning she hit me with that I don't want to lead you on garbage. I feel it's the classic anti-slut defense in effect but I'm wondering if I should just give her space or continue to actively pursue. I am seeing other women so I'm not like hung up on this one particular chick but it would be nice to know if I had a shot at her or if I'm wasting my time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrCastle Posted October 21, 2012 Author Share Posted October 21, 2012 Why is she a slut again? Because she happens to be a woman that isn't attracted to you, that makes her a slut? You misogynist pigs will never get decent women, I can tell you that. Anti-slut defense is a term used to describe women who try to rationalize their sexual encounters so they don't feel like, or don't come across as sluts. I don't think she's a slut at all, but in the past I've had girls say "if you think I'm going home with you tonight, you're crazy." Then, like clockwork; they go home with me. Or they'll say "I never do this, but..." and then proceed to do something they've probably done many times over. It's not like I was professing my love for her and she felt she had to stop me from making a fool of myself. She just, almost out of nowhere told me the next day she doesn't want feelings to be hurt. In my mind, the sexual tension is mutual, and she recognizes it, but for whatever reason, is protecting herself. Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 Wouldn't it be pretty evident to her that you don't want a relationship. She is probably projecting and trying to protect herself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrCastle Posted October 21, 2012 Author Share Posted October 21, 2012 Wouldn't it be pretty evident to her that you don't want a relationship. She is probably projecting and trying to protect herself. This is what I'm thinking. I could understand if I said "hey I think I'm falling for you..." or "I think I have feelings for you", I didn't. It was more like: Me: Hey fun night last night! You know how to party I see! Her: Yeah! But I don't want you to like get the wrong idea. Sometimes I may seem like I'm flirting but that's just my personality. I don't want to lead you on. I was annoyed, bothered, and confused. It just doesn't align with what's been going on. I mean I've had other girls who were way assertive and the second I made a sexual comment or hinted at wanting to hook up with them they'd say "just so we're clear, I'm only interested in you as a friend" and I would respect their honesty, and their behavior aligned with what they said (as in, I never heard from them again ) but this is different. I always hear these stories of men who were persistent, who got rejected and just kept pushing and eventually ended up with the girl. That's not my style. I get the slightest bit of resistance and I'm out the door. I'm curious if this persistence thing actually works, though. Perhaps that should have been the bigger focus of this thread. Has persistence landed you a date or a relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 Do you actually want a relationship with her? Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 This is what I'm thinking. I could understand if I said "hey I think I'm falling for you..." or "I think I have feelings for you", I didn't. It was more like: Me: Hey fun night last night! You know how to party I see! Her: Yeah! But I don't want you to like get the wrong idea. Sometimes I may seem like I'm flirting but that's just my personality. I don't want to lead you on. I was annoyed, bothered, and confused. It just doesn't align with what's been going on. I mean I've had other girls who were way assertive and the second I made a sexual comment or hinted at wanting to hook up with them they'd say "just so we're clear, I'm only interested in you as a friend" and I would respect their honesty, and their behavior aligned with what they said (as in, I never heard from them again ) but this is different. I always hear these stories of men who were persistent, who got rejected and just kept pushing and eventually ended up with the girl. That's not my style. I get the slightest bit of resistance and I'm out the door. I'm curious if this persistence thing actually works, though. Perhaps that should have been the bigger focus of this thread. Has persistence landed you a date or a relationship? I am going to say is hook, line and sinker!...She is baiting you in and it is working since you are thinking about her, no I know you are not cofessing your love but it has you interested. She is either projecting or a attention whore... either way - you may want to back up for your own good. Since the "mystery" has got you hooked. Just like I will tell any one on this board with similar stories - listen when people talk, she said she is not interested back off. If she continues to act otherwise call her on it. She will either spill it or run. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrCastle Posted October 21, 2012 Author Share Posted October 21, 2012 Do you actually want a relationship with her? She seems like a type I could see myself dating for a while, yeah. Take it from there and see what happens. I certainly cannot go back to her after what she told me and say "but I see myself in a relationship with you!". That's murder. I just hate when people have to try and put a label on things. She's never said "I think you're my friend" or "You're a good friend", nothing even close to that. The closest she's come is that "I don't want to lead you on" bit. Why even say that? Just enjoy whatever it is we have and let it grow organically. The minute you start labeling stuff, it starts going to ****. She was very careful in how she chose her words because if she said anything with my name and the word "friend" in it, I would have moved on and this thread would not have even been made. It would have been a non issue. But you're somewhat open to my advances, we banter back and forth, you never mention other guys and act differently when I bring up other girls in a sentence, but you don't want to lead me on? What is that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrCastle Posted October 21, 2012 Author Share Posted October 21, 2012 I am going to say is hook, line and sinker!...She is baiting you in and it is working since you are thinking about her, no I know you are not cofessing your love but it has you interested. She is either projecting or a attention whore... either way - you may want to back up for your own good. Since the "mystery" has got you hooked. Just like I will tell any one on this board with similar stories - listen when people talk, she said she is not interested back off. If she continues to act otherwise call her on it. She will either spill it or run. I have definitely been thinking more about her since that lame text. That would be funny if this was a mystery ploy, since that's my game. That would be interesting. I don't know. I always look at seduction as a dance. You go hot and cold, you ignore the elephant in the room, you let the sexual tension build and build and then you guys succumb to temptation. I don't know if she's playing her part in the dance or if she was being straight up serious that she's not interested in me in that way. Her actions again, don't back up her statement. Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 I have definitely been thinking more about her since that lame text. That would be funny if this was a mystery ploy, since that's my game. That would be interesting. I don't know. I always look at seduction as a dance. You go hot and cold, you ignore the elephant in the room, you let the sexual tension build and build and then you guys succumb to temptation. I don't know if she's playing her part in the dance or if she was being straight up serious that she's not interested in me in that way. Her actions again, don't back up her statement. Haha, people always fall for their own tricks. Good luck but I say back away and see how she reacts. What do you really have to lose if she is really not interested Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrCastle Posted October 21, 2012 Author Share Posted October 21, 2012 Haha, people always fall for their own tricks. Good luck but I say back away and see how she reacts. What do you really have to lose if she is really not interested Potentially mind blowing sex that will melt my face clean off, as well as someone who meshes well with my personality. My problem with backing off, especially now is--isn't that a little too obvious? Suddenly I'm cold after her "I don't want to lead you on" spiel? I don't want to come across as that bitter guy with no other options who takes what she said too seriously. If I maintain the same frame, maybe she'll think "wow this guy is unphased with what I told him" I feel like that was a major test she threw at me to judge my stones. If I passed or not, remains to be seen. Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 Potentially mind blowing sex that will melt my face clean off, as well as someone who meshes well with my personality. My problem with backing off, especially now is--isn't that a little too obvious? Suddenly I'm cold after her "I don't want to lead you on" spiel? I don't want to come across as that bitter guy with no other options who takes what she said too seriously. If I maintain the same frame, maybe she'll think "wow this guy is unphased with what I told him" I feel like that was a major test she threw at me to judge my stones. If I passed or not, remains to be seen. If you don't back off and she is actually not interested you will be the one to feel it in the long run. I am not sure about you - but I don't like those odds. However go for it - I didn't before and lost someone who could have been the one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrCastle Posted October 21, 2012 Author Share Posted October 21, 2012 If you don't back off and she is actually not interested you will be the one to feel it in the long run. I am not sure about you - but I don't like those odds. However go for it - I didn't before and lost someone who could have been the one. This whole thing is lame. This is why I serial date. I've invested some feelings in this, I'll admit, but look at what would have happened if I had no one else on the horizon. I would be obsessed with this situation and probably make things worse. Why can't people just be all like "I like you" "Really? I like you too!" "You wanna bang?" "Sure!" ugh... Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 This whole thing is lame. This is why I serial date. I've invested some feelings in this, I'll admit, but look at what would have happened if I had no one else on the horizon. I would be obsessed with this situation and probably make things worse. Why can't people just be all like "I like you" "Really? I like you too!" "You wanna bang?" "Sure!" ugh... I ask myself this question all the time. Like simple things. 'I will like to get to know you and have a relationship" "I just want to bang you" Why isn't life like this? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrCastle Posted October 21, 2012 Author Share Posted October 21, 2012 I ask myself this question all the time. Like simple things. 'I will like to get to know you and have a relationship" "I just want to bang you" Why isn't life like this? I don't know. I wish more people were upfront like us. So, with that said. Want to bang? Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 I don't know. I wish more people were upfront like us. So, with that said. Want to bang? Sorry, no thanks. (See how easy that was people)..lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrCastle Posted October 21, 2012 Author Share Posted October 21, 2012 Sorry, no thanks. (See how easy that was people)..lol Well we're at a impasse because I kinda do want to bang ya. Let's rock paper scissor for it. That seems fair. Oh ****. I think I accidentally stumbled upon the best way to solve all our problems. Sex has to be decided with a coin flip or rock paper scissors. Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 Well we're at a impasse because I kinda do want to bang ya. Let's rock paper scissor for it. That seems fair. Oh ****. I think I accidentally stumbled upon the best way to solve all our problems. Sex has to be decided with a coin flip or rock paper scissors. As long as I get to bring the coin Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrCastle Posted October 21, 2012 Author Share Posted October 21, 2012 As long as I get to bring the coin One of those double sided coins? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 One of those double sided coins? Whatever works in my favor. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrCastle Posted October 21, 2012 Author Share Posted October 21, 2012 Whatever works in my favor. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 People do this when they are unsure just how they feel. It sounds like she likes you but isn't sure how she feels. This happens to me all the time with women more than with men. Just be yourself, it's worked so far. Keep your options open, don't close any doors just yet including the one your "friend" might walk through. If just being you isn't good enough, then she isn't right for a relationship with you anyway. Your question has helped me see my own current situation in a new light. A young woman I had expressed interest in also wants to be friends. Yet the way she acts isn't consistent with someone who has no romantic interest. In fact we flirt more overtly than ever. If love is a battlefield then this is some good general advice. "Don't listen to what <s>the Communists</s> your love interest say, but look at what they do." - Nguyen Van Thieu, the President of South Vietnam Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrCastle Posted October 21, 2012 Author Share Posted October 21, 2012 People do this when they are unsure just how they feel. It sounds like she likes you but isn't sure how she feels. This happens to me all the time with women more than with men. Just be yourself, it's worked so far. Keep your options open, don't close any doors just yet including the one your "friend" might walk through. If just being you isn't good enough, then she isn't right for a relationship with you anyway. Your question has helped me see my own current situation in a new light. A young woman I had expressed interest in also wants to be friends. Yet the way she acts isn't consistent with someone who has no romantic interest. In fact we flirt more overtly than ever. If love is a battlefield then this is some good general advice. "Don't listen to what <s>the Communists</s> your love interest say, but look at what they do." - Nguyen Van Thieu, the President of South Vietnam That's what I'm thinking. I don't judge people by their words, I judge them by their actions. Also when dealing with matters of the heart--feelings change. Still though, some women I know in real life told me to chill and give her room, and if she comes, she comes. Link to post Share on other sites
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