dorothys Posted July 30, 2004 Posted July 30, 2004 I am writing an update to my earlier post of http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t44300/ . What I am wondering is if anybody has been left by an ex who has problems with depression and stress? As a way of helping myself, and not drving my ex crazy I enacted the NC rule about 3 days ago. Since then I have heard nothing from him. It seems the less I contact him the less he contacts me . I am having to use every ounce of will power I have not to contact him. Last evening I was talking to a guy friend about what is going on. He said that my ex was hiding something, and probably had a girlfriend. He said that I should just wait for my ex to make a fruedian slip to confirm everything. Maybe it is naive of me, but I told him that he was wrong. My ex's said when he left that he wanted to get help for his depression. His first appointment was supposed to be yesterday. He also said that he needed to work on himself, and he couldn't do that with us staying together. My ex asked that I be supportive, and get stronger. He liked doing things for me, so I got really dependent. He said that he if and when we get back together he wants me to be stronger and self-sufficent. We ended up splitting up, but not really "breaking up" The contact we have had for the past 3 weeks has become less and less frequent. However we still share a lot of possesions, and when he moved he left a lot of stuff that he hasn't picked up yet. I am assuming he is waiting until he finds a place of his own. I am hoping somebody on the board has had similare experiences either from the dumped or the dumpee. Any help or encouragement would be appreciated.
supergirl79 Posted July 30, 2004 Posted July 30, 2004 The same situation happened to me too. Actually, I couldn't figure out what was gonig on - thought he was cheating on me, but turns out, he was just really depressed and it wasn't helping that he was around me all the time because I'd ask him about it all the time and cry because I thought it was me! He moved out last week and said he wanted to still be with me, but wouldn't make the effort. I finally ended it last Sunday and he said that he needed to work on himself and figure out some things to make himself happy, which I now understand more than ever! I was the same way as far as the dependency issues go, he used to do everything for me, with me, and shower me with gifts. When he moved in, things all changed and he would never talk about it. Things just went way too fast and he became severly depressed and I became more crazy thinking it was something I'd done. More than likely, if you give him the space, he'll get better and so will you. I know it's already gotten better for me and he's starting to be more responsive and fun again...and so am I.
fellowes7892000 Posted July 31, 2004 Posted July 31, 2004 hey, i've recently been broken up with by a girl who has clinical depression. basically we broke up for a number of reasons, but one she cited was that she needed to know she could look after herself. when we first went out, she hated herself and had considered suicide. i don't think i "saved her" or anything like that, but I was always there to help her heal herself, and I never ever did anything to make her go backwards. she often said how much it helped that i was always there for her. i so though we'd be together forever. i truly love her, but i don't think we'll ever be together again. i've struggled heaps and I spoke to a particular counsellor about our situation. aside from all of our other problems, what he said about her depression issue was really helful - basically he said that once I was her knight in shining armour. she felt i saved her when she was at her lowest. but now that she loves herself, she needs to know that she can stay like that herself. no-one wants to be totally dependent on another person. the other thing is that she probably associates me with the "old her", which is a person she wants to forget. you may be able to take some lessons out of this in your situation. there's probably these similar things going on in his head. be supportive and make sure he knows you love him if you truly do. there's not much you can do, but make sure he knows you care and if he can help himself, then maybe it's enough for him to then realise that you guys can be together and you'll both be able to be independant but still offer each other love and great times. he needs his independance, and it sucks because it's really at your expense. the problem is that if he didn't try to prove his strength to himself, he would never be happy. i really hope he finds the strength to combat what is a terrible illness, and that he also finds the love for you that you deserve. good luck dave
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