paradigm shift Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 So a few things while moving through the "I really don't want to get out of bed today" phase and into the pissed off phase Saw my lawyer and the gist was that she suggested signing the legal separation (from bed and board...I always want to say bed and breakfast) while he is still in the guilty stage. She says far too often she has seen a girlfriend come along and the generosity dry up. Also wrote an email indicating that I still wanted to work on this marriage and apologized for not noticing that he was so unhappy. However, I also commented how hurt I was with his attitude and comments etc. Try not to sound accusatory, since marriages and their failures involve, most often, two people... No reply to that, but thought he should know exactly what I am thinking. Now I will just be cordial and kid focused. Sometimes I wish I had never brought up the conversation about how unhappy he was, but it would have outed eventually, I guess, and maybe in a more damaging way. When do I stop waking up at three am BTW and when do I want to eat again?? Some days are harder than others. Cheers all
Author paradigm shift Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 Yup! Down about the same lol! We should write a weight loss book...side effects include loss of spouse.....
ace5950 Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 I lost over 20lbs! It was awesome! I loved all the complements that I was looking great! Sucky part was once I started to eat again everything made me sick. I am still not sleeping 6 months in. I have found sleeping pills to be a good friend.
Gunny376 Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 To assist in sleeping I would suggest that you take Melatonin ~ available in 3mmg, 1 mg, 3mg, 5 mg and 10mg. Its non-prescription, non-addictive, over-the-counter and available at ChinaMart ~ I mean WalMart, most grocery stores, pharmacies etc in the Vitamin and Nutrient section. Melatonin is the natural substance that our bodies makes to regulate our sleep cycles and habits. As we get older and / or go through periods of stress ~ or have a change in habitat, hours, etc our bodies may produce less and less of it ~ thus not getting a sufficient dosage from our bodies. I first heard about it in the newspaper reading as weekly column in the local paper by Dr. Gott. Airline pilots use it when they fly the "Redeye" from coast to coast. (East coast to west coast and vice versa.) It won't "knock you out" per say, but once you get to bed, and manage to quite your thoughts (Difficult to do I know when your going through the "Big D" ~ I know). And it won't keep you from having to get up and tend to a child or whatever you need to tend to during the middle of the night. But it will help you get a good soilid night's sleep without sleeping like a baby ~ aka waking up every two or so hours. All of the bottles say to take one tablet, but at 6'1 200 lbs I take 20 to 25 mg. I also try to limit my caffeine intake, get and be a physically active during my waking hours as I can ~ constantly up and staying moving. Also while up during your waking hours? You may want as much light (natural and otherwise ~ turn on lights, open blinds, get out in the sun etc. For the right dosage you'll have to "experiment with it ~ starting out with the minimum dosage and working from that base line until you find what works for you per your height/body weight ratio. Melatonin is also light sensitive ~ even from the light that filters through your close eyelids. So if you've an alarm clock with an LED read out you will want to turn it away from you. You will also want to get your bedroom as completely dark as possible with zero light coming in or in the room. Keeping your bed at the optimum temperature that best suited for you. In addition to the AC I have three pedestal fans one on each side and one at the foot of the bed. I also have a ceiling fan and adjust accordingly. I also have a "sound maching/alarm clock/ radio" that makes sounds like a rumbling brook, white noise, rain, waterfall etc. This helps drown out any outside noise such as passing cars etc. It helps if you establish a normal sleeping pattern and work routine etc. This is essential. Try to stick to it as closely as possible. Also Goodly ffor sleep suggestions and ideas from people that work the "graveyard" shift. If you do take too much Melatonin you may feel a little groggy for about five or so minutes when you first get up (this is because your coming out of a deep and solid sleep ~ such as you would if you have been sleep deprived. Know that there is such a thing as buiding up a "Sleep Debt" which you mut repay. That is to say that if you go days and days without little or no sleep (Or on a minimum of sleep) you will eventually crash and do nothing but sleep. Stay away from alcohol ~ its a depressant the last thing you need right now. It'll put you to sleep but it the wrong kind of sleep and you'll wake up more tired than when you went to bed having been drinking. Melatonin is the most effective thing I've found and suggest you give it a try. Hope this helps.
debber01 Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 God Paradigm. I'm right where you are. So sick of waking up after 2 hours sleep and can't shut my brain off. Gunny made a lot of good points and sadly, I've been medicating with alcohol. Although I know it's wrong on so many levels its also the only way I can sleep. I mean, he planned this for 5 years. He's been able to go through all of the emotional crap. I'm not even 2 weeks into it yet and my situation is very bleak. I'm 49, no college degree and no full time job since 2005 (worked for free in his business for 11 years even while working full time outside of the home). Looked online yesterday at 100 pages of jobs. Didn't qualify for one. Even facetiously looked at a job for a janitor. Nope. 6 months experience required. Really?? And the saddest part is that he's worked for 3 years for a multi billionaire. He developed a very close relationship with the man who has since passed on (two years ago). I am almost 100% sure that this man left him quite a bit of money in his will. There are many signs that point to this. And being such a complex estate I'm sure it's taken two years to settle it. And now he has this money and I'm destitute. After 25 years with him. And I can't go after it. These are very rich people and this money is protected. Not even in his name, but he can draw funds from it. And if I get nasty about trying to find it he will quit paying the household bills and I won't have anything at all. Not even phone/Internet access to reach out to other people or to even try to find a job. Talk about totally screwed. So keep your chin up Paradigm. It truly could be so much much worse. But I know the emotional death is devestating. And sleep would certainly be a welcome friend. But I don't think either of us are going to be there for a while. :-(
Author paradigm shift Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 Debber, I am happy and really sad to have at least a cyber friend who is going through the exact same thing!! (((Debber))) I bawled my eyes out this morning, because he dropped by last night to return something to DS and I felt like the "huh Spike huh?" dog....I knew I should have just kept my mouth shut, but once I opened it, here I am, talking like nothing's wrong AARRGHH!! Me too, financially Debber, except here they say when you are making around 35000 or so, then the husband is no longer required to pay spousal, because you are employed....pretty hard, since he gets to enjoy 4X that amount and I raised kids, kept house, worked here and there...well you can see I am moving into the anger stage. Sadly, I would work on this marriage in an instant, so I really have to focus on taking my power back. Some hours it's good, some hours, not so good. Here's to getting through today, everyone
debber01 Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 So sorry Paradigm. (((Hugs))). Wish we physically lived closer and could give each other real hugs. Seems pretty hopeless sometimes doesn't it (rhetorical question!)
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