bnvirchow Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Ok here it goes. I have been dating my boyfriend since april. I am really stuck on what to do and need help. I havent talked to my family for three months because when i was little my dad did things to me a father shouldn't and my mom and grandma thought something happened but weren't sure. Well i haven't talked to my family due to the fact that they didn't question it when i was a child. Well since my boyfriend and i have been together we were madly in love well i moved in with him and my family started trying to talk to me they come over and knock and ring the door bell. I know deep down i should forgive them obviously not my father who lives no where near me thank God. But tonight my grandma came over and brought me food because i don't have a job and i am hungry. I haven't had a job for a month because of the economy. I am struggling to get by and i know my family would help me, so my boy friend said you are throwing all that stuff because i don't want anything to do with them. Mind you my boyfriend always yells at me i never do anything right we have had sex twice in the past four months. He sleeps on the couch and i sleep in the bed. I don't get hugs or kisses and no more I love yous. What do i do? Leave my boyfriend and go home and get the help i need or stay here??? Should he be mean and treat me like this? Sometimes he doesn't even come home. Please someone talk to me and help me
HeldbyGravity Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 So your choices are - Go back home, where you have support and a family who Tries - Stay with a boyfriend who is mean to you and is not supportive of you, with whom you're miserable. ... it's no contest. I know you may hesitate because you "love' him, but hun... he isn't loving you. It's one-sided, and he should be supporting you no matter what you want to do, as long as it's healthy for you. I mean, your father is gone. Your boyfriend needs to suck it up or lose you basically, because it seems like you're WAAAAAY more understanding of HIM than he is of YOU! 1
Author bnvirchow Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 I have a toxic family, but i believe i should go home. What do i do when o leave my boyfriend? I know if he is home and i do it when he's here he will fli out. He has told me time and time again he wishes he was single! So is it ok if i get my stuff out when he's gone? At the moment i am emotionally unstable and i just can't handle anymore yelling.
Author bnvirchow Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 Why would he be this way? He was supportive of me not talking to my family now when i need then he is like this? Why all the shutting down and why keep saying he wants to be single?
HeldbyGravity Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 It sounds like he wasn't "happy" because you were... it sounds like he was just happy you were joining HIM and leaving THEM behind. I can't say for sure. Although I can say, "I want to be single" is the same as, "I don't want to be with you anymore". Don't question it. Don't worry about that until you're out and with your family again. 1
Author bnvirchow Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 So forgiving my grandma for not saying something when i was little about my father doing things to me IS the right thing to do. I feel as if i need to forgive and forget i know she loves me and always will but some man might not (my situation). I just need reassurance that i an not in the wrong and i am doing right. It just hurts because the i love yous i did receive make me think it was never a genuine gesture.
Author bnvirchow Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 I have been going to therapy and he told me not to tslk to my family
Author bnvirchow Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 My therapist was the one that said i shouldn't talk to my family because they are toxic....... Sorry i didn't make that clear.
Silly_Girl Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 He didn't want you to talk to your family in case they offered you support and helped you to leave him, which is what they're bound to try and do because he's a nasty man. Pack your things when he's not around, leave him a really sweet and kind 'it's not you, it's me' letter (i.e. lie through your teeth) and get out. Then have a rest, take some time to read books and listen to music and go for walks and things will all become clear and you'll know where you are and what you want to do from there.
HeldbyGravity Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Ah, your therapist says they are toxic... Again, it's hard to agree or disagree unless I personally know them. But if they have given you no reason to distrust them lately, if they are obviously trying to have a relationship with you, they may just be the best option. If need be, you can make it clear that your stay is temporary until you can get back on your feet- cautiously as a leg to stand on until you can get back on your feet.
Author bnvirchow Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 Ok, so give the family guidelines but don't stay here with him. This all sucks because i love him but he just keeps pushing away mad and yelling when i try to hug him. I just want to be loved and feel loved. I just truly can't figure this out. My mom is toxic because she was doing things for money, things one shouldn't be doing especially when she is married. She paid me to not say anything and it just reminded me of how my father was towards me saying don't say anything its ok, and i know now none of it is. The only reason i haven't talked to my grandma is because she had a feeling something happened to me when i was little. So i am just lost and confused. I want to just pack up and leave so badly, but with no money that won't work.
Author bnvirchow Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 Now there is a note on my families door saying they don't want me to move in. What do i do now
HeldbyGravity Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Do you have a friend whom you could stay with for a few days? It is still very important that you move out of there, since he does not want you around. If he is pushing you away, he is not in love with you. He doesn't want you. I can't imagine why your family is now pushing you out, but maybe it's best to stay away from them right now.
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